I just logged on (at work) because I am ashamed to say it has been months and months. Things have been (and still are) completely nuts.
Two jobs. Full-time post grad study. Planning a wedding. Visa issues with Habi. Job interviews. Family drama (Habi). Volunteer work. Church commitments.
'Nuff said!
I'm afraid I don't have time to write properly my darlings but I shall do soon.
So basic update: It has been a very trying and difficult time for both of us, but we are both very happy. Habi is growing daily in his work with the Lord and we are blessed to have some wonderful people upholding us both. We will be married in 23 days (!!!!!!!)
during which time I will finally be done with uni, and we will have a break after months of intense work. Can't wait!
And then Habi's first Christmas!! It is all too joyous and exciting to even contemplate and when I do I feel like running around screaming and jumping!
Hope you are all well and happy - May God bless you all!
Much love
xxxx
me
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Getting Married!
well I am back from a blogging hiatus! I have missed you all.. things have just been so hectic!
Firstly I am now (officially) enagaged to be married to my Habi, S. (I should probably explain "Hobi" means "my love" in Arabic.)
I'm sure this is no surprise to most of you :)
The wedding will be on November 27th - soon! This is for a number of reasons - firstly after all we've been through we just want to be married. In fact we were going to elope for a while but then decided to do it "properly." I am finishing my post-grad studies this semster and God willing will be starting a new job next semester. It may well mean I am posted to a rural area and I won't have leave for some time. That plus crazy hours means I would have little time to plan a wedding and may be hours and hours (or even interstate) from my hometown and wedding place and even then I would only have a spare weekend to get married, have my wedding night and then drive/fly back! No thanks!
So - given that we don't want to wait over a year to get married we decided to get stuck into it and plan a small nice little wedding for the end of the year :)
So far I have the dress, veil, shoes, rings venue and church stuff sorted amongst other things.. but I still have a lot to go!
The next four months are going to be insane.. as well as full-time study and my casual job waitressing, I have to plan a wedding, apply for jobs, fit in FOUR WEEKS full-time work experience and I am on the production team for a local newspaper.
So please keep me in your prayers because it will be A LOT of work... I am praying I can keep on top of it all!
Consequently blogging will be scant - so if I'm not 'around' that's why! :)
Hope you are all well, God bless!
xxx
Firstly I am now (officially) enagaged to be married to my Habi, S. (I should probably explain "Hobi" means "my love" in Arabic.)
I'm sure this is no surprise to most of you :)
The wedding will be on November 27th - soon! This is for a number of reasons - firstly after all we've been through we just want to be married. In fact we were going to elope for a while but then decided to do it "properly." I am finishing my post-grad studies this semster and God willing will be starting a new job next semester. It may well mean I am posted to a rural area and I won't have leave for some time. That plus crazy hours means I would have little time to plan a wedding and may be hours and hours (or even interstate) from my hometown and wedding place and even then I would only have a spare weekend to get married, have my wedding night and then drive/fly back! No thanks!
So - given that we don't want to wait over a year to get married we decided to get stuck into it and plan a small nice little wedding for the end of the year :)
So far I have the dress, veil, shoes, rings venue and church stuff sorted amongst other things.. but I still have a lot to go!
The next four months are going to be insane.. as well as full-time study and my casual job waitressing, I have to plan a wedding, apply for jobs, fit in FOUR WEEKS full-time work experience and I am on the production team for a local newspaper.
So please keep me in your prayers because it will be A LOT of work... I am praying I can keep on top of it all!
Consequently blogging will be scant - so if I'm not 'around' that's why! :)
Hope you are all well, God bless!
xxx
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Living in sin...
After a question posted on my blog I just thought I’d clarify something. Habi and I are NOT in a de facto relationship/living together/having sex.
I have been seeing him a lot especially the last few weeks because of everything we are going through. Normally I would see him every two/three days.
Also when I write about him I sometimes write stuff that has happened to him but that I was not there for. When I tell a story I narrate it as he has told me.
Often he stays at my house on Saturday night so our family can go to church together in the morning as he lives quite a while away from our neighbourhood. He sleeps in a separate bed and my family has no problem with it, nor our pastor. I also sleep at his house sometimes.
When I say ‘our car’ that is because we co-own it. About 4/5 months ago I wanted to get a car and S/Habi’s car was a write-off. He lives a few minutes from uni and it was just as easy to take the bus and whenever he travelled further away (to a friends house, to a gathering) etc it was with me more often than not. Also the main transport issue was with us as we lived far away. So he suggested to me that since he also needed a car on occiason but not enough to warrant buying one, that we buy a car together so that we would be able to afford a better car with our pooled resources. Including our car my household has 3 cars and both of his flatmates have cars.
Lastly I know it may seem weird, especially as many of my fellow bloggers are older and from other countries but here we have a large tight-knit group. We are always crashing on each others sofa’s visiting each other til late at night, having all-night study sessions etc. Many of us are international students and not all of us have cars. Religious gatherings (like iftar and suhur in Ramadan), birthdays, studying are all very communal. It is common to have a whole bunch of people in the house, some watching tv, others on their laptops, some cooking, someone sleeping in the bedroom and with people coming and going, either to go to uni to study (we have 24 hour labs), to pick up some fresh clothes or whatever. Some of these people are religious (christian, muslim, hindu etc) and some of the girls are hijabi – it really doesn’t matter. We accommodate accordingly.
It may seem odd to some people but really we are like one big family. I have slept at the same place as S many times – at one point 8 members of the group were renting one huge house so it was always full! And this didn’t change when we fell in love.
I have been seeing him a lot especially the last few weeks because of everything we are going through. Normally I would see him every two/three days.
Also when I write about him I sometimes write stuff that has happened to him but that I was not there for. When I tell a story I narrate it as he has told me.
Often he stays at my house on Saturday night so our family can go to church together in the morning as he lives quite a while away from our neighbourhood. He sleeps in a separate bed and my family has no problem with it, nor our pastor. I also sleep at his house sometimes.
When I say ‘our car’ that is because we co-own it. About 4/5 months ago I wanted to get a car and S/Habi’s car was a write-off. He lives a few minutes from uni and it was just as easy to take the bus and whenever he travelled further away (to a friends house, to a gathering) etc it was with me more often than not. Also the main transport issue was with us as we lived far away. So he suggested to me that since he also needed a car on occiason but not enough to warrant buying one, that we buy a car together so that we would be able to afford a better car with our pooled resources. Including our car my household has 3 cars and both of his flatmates have cars.
Lastly I know it may seem weird, especially as many of my fellow bloggers are older and from other countries but here we have a large tight-knit group. We are always crashing on each others sofa’s visiting each other til late at night, having all-night study sessions etc. Many of us are international students and not all of us have cars. Religious gatherings (like iftar and suhur in Ramadan), birthdays, studying are all very communal. It is common to have a whole bunch of people in the house, some watching tv, others on their laptops, some cooking, someone sleeping in the bedroom and with people coming and going, either to go to uni to study (we have 24 hour labs), to pick up some fresh clothes or whatever. Some of these people are religious (christian, muslim, hindu etc) and some of the girls are hijabi – it really doesn’t matter. We accommodate accordingly.
It may seem odd to some people but really we are like one big family. I have slept at the same place as S many times – at one point 8 members of the group were renting one huge house so it was always full! And this didn’t change when we fell in love.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Quick post - he's back
S, my habi is back. He arrived recently from his country.
Things were hard - his family took him to a psychiatrist and then decided he had been possessed by "jinn" (demons) and took him to the mosque for the Islamic equivalent of an excercism. The imam shouted the adhan in his ear (gave him a headache for several days), spat in some water and made him drink it and hit him in the back of the neck and on the back. And hit the ground around him with a stick.I'm not going to go into a lot of detail. Suffice to say I think this is actually evil and pagan superstition.If we cast out demons with God - then He doesn't need all these ritualistic practices. If we cast the demons out through our own power - well since when does doing these things give us power over spirits?
Habi's mum flew in from overseas when they told her he had converted and when she heard about what had been going on she put a stop to it.
Both his parents cried for days and kept telling him "just promise you will be a Muslim." I feel for them and I know their grief is genuine - but whether it is conscious or sub-conscious they are actually manipulating him emotionally. Even though God comes above even parents, even though if he is Muslim for their sake then it is meaningless. His Dad begged him to just be Muslim and kept insisting he say shahada. Habi finally got fed up and said, "Fine, dad. whatever. you want me to be a muslim? I'm a muslim." Within 15 minutes everything was 'back to normal.'
Habi is devastated over his parent's attitude and the fact that they don't care about the truth or what he really thinks. They don't want to know whether he is really Muslim - they just want him to 'be a muslim' even if he is only doing it for their sake. Habi is really upset over his parent's attitude and how much they care for appearances and the community. He is disappointed over their blindness, particularly his father, whom he always looked up to. In many ways, although he still loves and respects his father, this has really shattered the image he had of him.
His parents are still calling constantly, his mother wants to come to Australia. He is putting it off as he just can't deal with that right now. He also has studies.
On a positive note, he is relying on the support of the Lord - even while he was home and going through such difficult times, he still had a sense of joy from God. He asks me, "How can I be sad and happy at the same time?" and says that if it weren't for God he wouldn't be coping right now.
He has also come back with a strong sense of independence and a desire to provide for me and himself. He is looking for a casual job to save money for our wedding and our future. Until now his father just sent him money but now he wants to make an effort to take responsibility. I am very proud of him and his resolve to do right by me, by himself and by God.
Please pray for us - for Habi to find a job, for us to cope financially - our car developed an oil leak and we are facing costly repairs, plus the costs of a wedding and the possibility that his parents could cut him off/refuse to pay his school fees.
Also that we will continue to walk with the Lord and to recognise His Will.
Thank you and God bless you all!
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Part 3: The Present - Habi in his homeland
I coudln't wait to post the rest. So here is an update since Habi went to his homeland on Friday.
Habi arrived early morning on Saturday the 26th. That day he told them he loves me and wants to marry me and said he had doubts about Islam. He is easing them into it.
Sunday morning he got up early, packed his Arabic bible and Book of Psalms (music) into his little backpack and searched for a church! He found one close by and met the wonderful minister, an American called Joe (not his real name).Habi said Joe is a wonderful man and listened patiently while he told Joe everything that had happened the last few weeks. When Joe spoke to him was if all the pictures in habi’s head came together. Habi decided then that we wants to get baptized. He went home feeling refreshed and continued to discuss things with his family.
At this point I had only spoken to habi briefly on Sunday afternoon and exchanged a few messages. It is expensive to talk long and more importantly Habi has enough on his plate so I am doing my best to give his some space and wait patiently. But boy is it hard!! Now the first couple of days had gone quite well... but Habi was still adjusting and taking it easy.
Yesterday night (my birthday incidently) Habi rang to tell me his unusual day. He had told them he is no longer Muslim. (His sister already knows he is Christian) Their reaction was to take him to a psychiatrist. *blinks* Yes you heard me, they took him to a PSYCHIATRIST. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry when he told me. Furthermore the psychiatrist was also a religious woman, wearing niqab. Yes a religious scholar, niqabi psychiatrist. Does it get any weirder?
She was actually quite nice according to habi-hub. After verifying that he ISN’T NUTS.. or suffering depression or mental confusion (all of which he clearly isn’t for goodness sake) she asked him, well if you aren’t Muslim then what are you? And he told her: I am Christian.
His sister, who was there was finally convinced. I warned him not to tell anyone else, it was dangerous enough telling someone he doesn't know.
Today I rang Habi and he was clearly a bit upset. I asked what was wrong and he said (amid bad reception too) that “it hurt.” Several seconds of blind panic ensued as I asked him if he meant physically or mentally. He said mentally. It is now getting harder and his father is not taking things well. He said they are trying to dismiss his conversion as merely wanting to be Christian because I am. This is obviously not the case. He would never change religion for me. Both of us firmly believe that God comes above ALL things including loved ones. Secondly the change in him since he came to Christ is evident – as is his conviction. Having failed to blame it on mental problems his family is now putting it down to romantic feelings. This hurts us both. I love his family too. Habi has always looked up to his father, as a Muslim and as a man. Sadly since he now sees the flaws in Islam he is also able to see the flaws in his father. “They keep contradicting themselves, “ he whispered, “and they care so much about what other people will think. What about God?”
Last nite, frustrated as his father’s pain and anger he said resignedly, “OK dad, I’ll be a Muslim, I’m a Muslim ok?” It hurt him even more to see his father brighten and become so happy. “He knows by know my heart doesn’t believe it,” he said, “So how can he accept that knowing I don’t mean it?”
While he feels pain as his family’s blindness he is still joyful with God’s spirirt. If the Lord wasn’t supporting him I don’t know how he could get through this. It is hard on both of us, but in some schizophrenic way, we are both joyfully happy. We know this is hard – but it is necessary. I told Habi this is the hardest part – telling his family, and it will get easier from now. God is number one – he comes before all else, even our family, and in following Him we never go wrong.
So this is the most up-to-date info.. I will ring Habi in a few hours and keep you update over the days.
He is due to leave on Saturday but they want him to stay longer. However not only does he have uni, he realises that they will only continue to bring imams to talk to him and try and bring him back to Islam. It is not only futile, it prolongs his family accepting his conversion and is dangerous for him by informing more people (and religious leaders at that) that he is no longer Muslim. He was right to agree to speak to an imam and a counsellor – he did this for his family because he owed them that and so they would feel he was informed and had Islamic guidance. But he is putting his foot down now. At the end of the day when Muslims meet him in the future they will try to bring him back to his old faith. It is natural and Christians would do the same. But there comes a point where the individual must say, “Enough. I have spoken to people, I have investigated thoroughly and educated myself. But I have made this decision and I am not going to change.”
Habi arrived early morning on Saturday the 26th. That day he told them he loves me and wants to marry me and said he had doubts about Islam. He is easing them into it.
Sunday morning he got up early, packed his Arabic bible and Book of Psalms (music) into his little backpack and searched for a church! He found one close by and met the wonderful minister, an American called Joe (not his real name).Habi said Joe is a wonderful man and listened patiently while he told Joe everything that had happened the last few weeks. When Joe spoke to him was if all the pictures in habi’s head came together. Habi decided then that we wants to get baptized. He went home feeling refreshed and continued to discuss things with his family.
At this point I had only spoken to habi briefly on Sunday afternoon and exchanged a few messages. It is expensive to talk long and more importantly Habi has enough on his plate so I am doing my best to give his some space and wait patiently. But boy is it hard!! Now the first couple of days had gone quite well... but Habi was still adjusting and taking it easy.
Yesterday night (my birthday incidently) Habi rang to tell me his unusual day. He had told them he is no longer Muslim. (His sister already knows he is Christian) Their reaction was to take him to a psychiatrist. *blinks* Yes you heard me, they took him to a PSYCHIATRIST. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry when he told me. Furthermore the psychiatrist was also a religious woman, wearing niqab. Yes a religious scholar, niqabi psychiatrist. Does it get any weirder?
She was actually quite nice according to habi-hub. After verifying that he ISN’T NUTS.. or suffering depression or mental confusion (all of which he clearly isn’t for goodness sake) she asked him, well if you aren’t Muslim then what are you? And he told her: I am Christian.
His sister, who was there was finally convinced. I warned him not to tell anyone else, it was dangerous enough telling someone he doesn't know.
Today I rang Habi and he was clearly a bit upset. I asked what was wrong and he said (amid bad reception too) that “it hurt.” Several seconds of blind panic ensued as I asked him if he meant physically or mentally. He said mentally. It is now getting harder and his father is not taking things well. He said they are trying to dismiss his conversion as merely wanting to be Christian because I am. This is obviously not the case. He would never change religion for me. Both of us firmly believe that God comes above ALL things including loved ones. Secondly the change in him since he came to Christ is evident – as is his conviction. Having failed to blame it on mental problems his family is now putting it down to romantic feelings. This hurts us both. I love his family too. Habi has always looked up to his father, as a Muslim and as a man. Sadly since he now sees the flaws in Islam he is also able to see the flaws in his father. “They keep contradicting themselves, “ he whispered, “and they care so much about what other people will think. What about God?”
Last nite, frustrated as his father’s pain and anger he said resignedly, “OK dad, I’ll be a Muslim, I’m a Muslim ok?” It hurt him even more to see his father brighten and become so happy. “He knows by know my heart doesn’t believe it,” he said, “So how can he accept that knowing I don’t mean it?”
While he feels pain as his family’s blindness he is still joyful with God’s spirirt. If the Lord wasn’t supporting him I don’t know how he could get through this. It is hard on both of us, but in some schizophrenic way, we are both joyfully happy. We know this is hard – but it is necessary. I told Habi this is the hardest part – telling his family, and it will get easier from now. God is number one – he comes before all else, even our family, and in following Him we never go wrong.
So this is the most up-to-date info.. I will ring Habi in a few hours and keep you update over the days.
He is due to leave on Saturday but they want him to stay longer. However not only does he have uni, he realises that they will only continue to bring imams to talk to him and try and bring him back to Islam. It is not only futile, it prolongs his family accepting his conversion and is dangerous for him by informing more people (and religious leaders at that) that he is no longer Muslim. He was right to agree to speak to an imam and a counsellor – he did this for his family because he owed them that and so they would feel he was informed and had Islamic guidance. But he is putting his foot down now. At the end of the day when Muslims meet him in the future they will try to bring him back to his old faith. It is natural and Christians would do the same. But there comes a point where the individual must say, “Enough. I have spoken to people, I have investigated thoroughly and educated myself. But I have made this decision and I am not going to change.”
Part 2: Walking Across the Field
Monday 7th June – On the phone I hesitantly ask Habi what he ‘is’ now? Is he still Muslim? He says he isn’t. I ask him how he feels and he said that the first couple of days when he really opened his mind to the possibility that islam was not the true path it was a struggle. But then as he resolved to truly investigate and began to believe it wasn’t true he felt more and more peaceful.
Tuesday 8th June – He reads the first few chapters of Genesis and he discuss Adam and Eve. Now that he is no longer Muslim and he has a connection with God he is looking for answers. I ask him if it possible that Christianity is the right path and he says it is possible, but he is still searching.
Wednesday 9th June– I find an audio Arabic bible online and send it to him. That night he falls asleep listening to the bible in Arabic. He is still not smoking and he no longer drinks.
Thursday 10th June – That morning Habi gets a letter from university saying he has failed a unit and they will be notifying immigration. The second exam on Friday, the one he prayed in Jesus’ name for, was for this unit. And he is bitterly disappointed – not only because of the ramifications of failing but also because in many ways that exam was a sort of test. He thought he had done well and had been waiting for the results as confirmation. Without God’s intervention there is no way he would have passed. Despite this he starts reading the Bible.. and reads .. and reads .. and reads. He reads the first 20 chapters of Matthew. After a couple hours reading I go to him and he looks at me with wonder. He tells me ‘It’s all true. Everything here is true – I keep trying to find mistakes or contradictions, but it’s all true.” He starts flicking through and showing me verses, “Look at this! It says this!” showing me verses which have shocked him.
I laugh when he shows me Matthew 5 where Jesus warns the people that ‘vain repetitions’ in prayer will not bring someone closer to God. I had read that verse to him myself several times. “But it’s different when you read it for yourself!” he says. He is struck down by the Jesus telling the people that many give lip service to God crying “Lord, Lord” but on the day of judgment God will tell them, “I do not know you.” It strikes a chord with his Muslim upbringing and the constant invocation of God’s name.
Even the teachings on divorce, adultery, and murder astound him. He is shocked when the Bible tells him looking at a woman with lust is committing adultery. Under Islam the first “look” is 'allowed' or given a free pass because the man cannot help his thoughts. It is only sinful should the man look a second time, to ogle the female in question. Yet the Bible says even the first glance is sinful. He is shocked when the Bible tells him anyone who divorces because of reasons other than harm (adultery, abuse etc) and then remarries is committing adultery. All these verses and more highlight God’s perfect standard – not a compromise, something humanly or easily achievable, but God’s holy perfect sinless standard. It also brings home to Habi his own sinfulness – if he was sinful under Islamic Law then how much more does the Gospel highlight his inadequacy. The sharia penalties for adultery may be harsh – but the Gospel says a man who lusts for another woman should pluck out his eye! He is pain and crying when he tells me he realises how sinful his life and indeed everyone’s life is.
I tell him God’s Word shows us how sinful we are, how imperfect and how unable to meet God’s standard. But He does not do this to torture us with guilt. I tell Habi, who is still crying, that by showing us the shamefulness of our sin, we repent of it. It also demonstrates that we can never achieve salvation by ourselves as we are so inadequate. A good deed does not erase a bad deed. Saving a man’s life does not atone for murder. And so we see the need for Jesus. The Word shows us that we need a saviour – and shows us despite this sinfulness is paid we have salvation through the atonement of Jesus. I tell him to pray to God and leave him alone.
Friday 11th June– Habi goes to uni to fill out some papers while I study at his house with his flatmates. An hour later he comes racing through the door shouting. Whilst at uni he decided to double check his results and he has passed all his units. The unit he had been told failed had a mark of 15% before the exam – so the uni had pre-emptively assumed he would fail and sent the letter he received the day before. But somehow that exam must have gone amazingly well because he passed the unit – with 50%. To get 50% he must have aced his exam – there is no doubt it is by God’s hand. Our own little miracle.
That evening he discusses religion with another gulf friend, B and he, B and T all watch videos of Zakaria Butrous a famous Coptic priest who lectures on Islam and Christianity. Habi tells T how amazing the Bible is, now that he has begun reading earnestly. He continues to read voraciously.
Saturday 12th June– I pick Habi up in the morning for “family weekend.” He decided he wants to spend the weekend with my family to get to know them more. They are already very fond of one another. As we talk about things on the way home he drops the “C word”: Christian. In the middle of something he refers to him becoming a Christian. I tell him, “Wait Stop! You just said the ‘C’ word... are you Christian now?” He just smiles and says he guesses so.
The most amazing thing is he said he knew this on Thursday night – when he read the Bible. At this stage the exam he prayed to do well in Jesus’ name and felt went really well is considered a failure. Yet despite God supposedly failing this test he still had faith – and then God confirmed this the next morning by showing Habi that He had not failed him. Again, God’s wisdom astounds.
Habi tells me he wants to witness to the boys (T, K, M and B.)
Habi says his mission is to bring a least one person to Christ and says he is determined to use his time left living with his flatmates as a witness. His confidence and authority amaze me – he is barely one day old in his new life. I ask him if he will get baptised and he says he will eventually. He says baptism will be the “beginning of the start.”
We arrive home and I jump around and tell mum and my two brothers that Habi is Christian. They all welcome him to the body of Christ. There is much hugging and crying and intense joy.
Sunday 13th June- Habi attends church with us, and meets our pastor Ben. He is lovely and he and Habi get on like a house on fire. That day Habi starts the Gospel of Mark. We sit a few feet apart both reading our bibles, occasionally stopping to discuss various things. It is the most amazing feeling – sitting with my fiancée and quietly reading God’s Word. Now I know why I could not have been unequally yoked. That night we both feel Satan attack us and we pray. (Him silently and myself aloud.) Habi says he will tell his parents when he goes back next (in January) and we discuss what to do if things go wrong. We consider it possible that his family will try to prevent him returning to Australia so organise to hide his passport and bankcards in a safe place. We are praying for his family and parents – we really have no idea how they will take it. It is also illegal for him to convert.
Monday 14th June – I am not feeling well, in fact I almost pass out driving to Habi’s house. I am irritable and struggling with Satan not to be bad-tempered. I know he is doing his best to tempt me. My mum is almost hit by a car which pulls out in front of her at a round-a-bout. That night Habi talks to his mum on the phone about Islam without telling her he has left Islam. He mentions the Bible’s command to ‘love your enemy’ which shocks his mum. She questions how anyone can do that. He tells me he has realised while reading the bible how much he loves God and how he loves God above all else and this actually increases his love for me. He also is convicted by prejudice he never knew he had. He says he realises he has certain prejudices against racial groups and Jews and now he loves them all. He is overwhelmed by love for all people.
Since then...
Every day has brought new insight and wonders. Habi and I have had our highs and lows. Habi has been making amazing progress through the Bible, soaking it up like a sponge. It soon became clear to him that he had to tell his parents, not only about us, but about his new faith. Originally he was going to go back next January but he became more and more restless. He didn’t want to lie to his family, or deceive them and he also wanted to tell them the truth. So Saturday 19th only a week after becoming a Christian he rang his father and told him he wanted to come home to talk to him. His father immediately said to come home and arranged a ticket for the following Friday. His father was worried and all Habi could do was assure him it was not about money, his health, nor was he unhappy in Australia.
For the next week we prayed and prayed for God to guide us. We have been so blessed to have a wonderful pastor at my church whom Habi loves, and many wonderful friends all praying for us. Despite the very great dangers we felt comforted and peaceful with Habi’s decision. It is illegal in his country to commit apostasy (leave Islam.) Nor did we know how his family would take it. We took precautions for him to leave his passport and bankcards with his best friend (who he told about his conversion) so that if his family banned him from going back to Australia he could quickly get out. We did all we could to protect him and then accepted the rest is in the hands of God.
The day of the flight, last Friday the 25th, after lunch we went to church to pray, which our pastor kindly opened for us. As we drew before the alter we both naturally fell into sujood position, or prostration. I had never seen Habi pray like that (since becoming Christian) and it’s interesting because I too, sometimes pray in this position. We both prayed, and wept, but not from fear. We were both crying out in supplication, in our own private prayer. In this moment I prayed for many things and I told God, “Let your be done. I submit to your will. If it is your will that he be imprisoned, or even killed, I accept it. This is the person I love most dearly in this world Lord, but I offer him up to you, for your service. I am willing to give his life up for you.”
And yet I did not feel fear, anger or worry – rather emotions which I can’t describe – something with the depth and soul-touching agony of grief, but love instead of sadness.
After we finished praying Habi asked me if I wanted to pray together. We sat together and for the first time, I heard him pray out loud with me. Until now I have heard him whisper and pray quietly and indistinctly in his own private prayer, but he was never able to pray aloud in group prayer. Rather I would pray (and others, if they were there) and he would say ‘Ameen’ at the end. As we sat there he led us quietly, but surely in prayer. My heart rejoiced. Only minutes before, one of the many things I had prayed was for God to lead him in paths of righteousness to grow into a godly man who would be the spiritual head of our family and who would lead me and our future family with authority. What a blessing he is. We left for the airport, singing hymns the whole way.
He hs now been in his country for four days... updates coming soon!! (Part 3, perhaps?)
Tuesday 8th June – He reads the first few chapters of Genesis and he discuss Adam and Eve. Now that he is no longer Muslim and he has a connection with God he is looking for answers. I ask him if it possible that Christianity is the right path and he says it is possible, but he is still searching.
Wednesday 9th June– I find an audio Arabic bible online and send it to him. That night he falls asleep listening to the bible in Arabic. He is still not smoking and he no longer drinks.
Thursday 10th June – That morning Habi gets a letter from university saying he has failed a unit and they will be notifying immigration. The second exam on Friday, the one he prayed in Jesus’ name for, was for this unit. And he is bitterly disappointed – not only because of the ramifications of failing but also because in many ways that exam was a sort of test. He thought he had done well and had been waiting for the results as confirmation. Without God’s intervention there is no way he would have passed. Despite this he starts reading the Bible.. and reads .. and reads .. and reads. He reads the first 20 chapters of Matthew. After a couple hours reading I go to him and he looks at me with wonder. He tells me ‘It’s all true. Everything here is true – I keep trying to find mistakes or contradictions, but it’s all true.” He starts flicking through and showing me verses, “Look at this! It says this!” showing me verses which have shocked him.
I laugh when he shows me Matthew 5 where Jesus warns the people that ‘vain repetitions’ in prayer will not bring someone closer to God. I had read that verse to him myself several times. “But it’s different when you read it for yourself!” he says. He is struck down by the Jesus telling the people that many give lip service to God crying “Lord, Lord” but on the day of judgment God will tell them, “I do not know you.” It strikes a chord with his Muslim upbringing and the constant invocation of God’s name.
Even the teachings on divorce, adultery, and murder astound him. He is shocked when the Bible tells him looking at a woman with lust is committing adultery. Under Islam the first “look” is 'allowed' or given a free pass because the man cannot help his thoughts. It is only sinful should the man look a second time, to ogle the female in question. Yet the Bible says even the first glance is sinful. He is shocked when the Bible tells him anyone who divorces because of reasons other than harm (adultery, abuse etc) and then remarries is committing adultery. All these verses and more highlight God’s perfect standard – not a compromise, something humanly or easily achievable, but God’s holy perfect sinless standard. It also brings home to Habi his own sinfulness – if he was sinful under Islamic Law then how much more does the Gospel highlight his inadequacy. The sharia penalties for adultery may be harsh – but the Gospel says a man who lusts for another woman should pluck out his eye! He is pain and crying when he tells me he realises how sinful his life and indeed everyone’s life is.
I tell him God’s Word shows us how sinful we are, how imperfect and how unable to meet God’s standard. But He does not do this to torture us with guilt. I tell Habi, who is still crying, that by showing us the shamefulness of our sin, we repent of it. It also demonstrates that we can never achieve salvation by ourselves as we are so inadequate. A good deed does not erase a bad deed. Saving a man’s life does not atone for murder. And so we see the need for Jesus. The Word shows us that we need a saviour – and shows us despite this sinfulness is paid we have salvation through the atonement of Jesus. I tell him to pray to God and leave him alone.
Friday 11th June– Habi goes to uni to fill out some papers while I study at his house with his flatmates. An hour later he comes racing through the door shouting. Whilst at uni he decided to double check his results and he has passed all his units. The unit he had been told failed had a mark of 15% before the exam – so the uni had pre-emptively assumed he would fail and sent the letter he received the day before. But somehow that exam must have gone amazingly well because he passed the unit – with 50%. To get 50% he must have aced his exam – there is no doubt it is by God’s hand. Our own little miracle.
That evening he discusses religion with another gulf friend, B and he, B and T all watch videos of Zakaria Butrous a famous Coptic priest who lectures on Islam and Christianity. Habi tells T how amazing the Bible is, now that he has begun reading earnestly. He continues to read voraciously.
Saturday 12th June– I pick Habi up in the morning for “family weekend.” He decided he wants to spend the weekend with my family to get to know them more. They are already very fond of one another. As we talk about things on the way home he drops the “C word”: Christian. In the middle of something he refers to him becoming a Christian. I tell him, “Wait Stop! You just said the ‘C’ word... are you Christian now?” He just smiles and says he guesses so.
The most amazing thing is he said he knew this on Thursday night – when he read the Bible. At this stage the exam he prayed to do well in Jesus’ name and felt went really well is considered a failure. Yet despite God supposedly failing this test he still had faith – and then God confirmed this the next morning by showing Habi that He had not failed him. Again, God’s wisdom astounds.
Habi tells me he wants to witness to the boys (T, K, M and B.)
Habi says his mission is to bring a least one person to Christ and says he is determined to use his time left living with his flatmates as a witness. His confidence and authority amaze me – he is barely one day old in his new life. I ask him if he will get baptised and he says he will eventually. He says baptism will be the “beginning of the start.”
We arrive home and I jump around and tell mum and my two brothers that Habi is Christian. They all welcome him to the body of Christ. There is much hugging and crying and intense joy.
Sunday 13th June- Habi attends church with us, and meets our pastor Ben. He is lovely and he and Habi get on like a house on fire. That day Habi starts the Gospel of Mark. We sit a few feet apart both reading our bibles, occasionally stopping to discuss various things. It is the most amazing feeling – sitting with my fiancée and quietly reading God’s Word. Now I know why I could not have been unequally yoked. That night we both feel Satan attack us and we pray. (Him silently and myself aloud.) Habi says he will tell his parents when he goes back next (in January) and we discuss what to do if things go wrong. We consider it possible that his family will try to prevent him returning to Australia so organise to hide his passport and bankcards in a safe place. We are praying for his family and parents – we really have no idea how they will take it. It is also illegal for him to convert.
Monday 14th June – I am not feeling well, in fact I almost pass out driving to Habi’s house. I am irritable and struggling with Satan not to be bad-tempered. I know he is doing his best to tempt me. My mum is almost hit by a car which pulls out in front of her at a round-a-bout. That night Habi talks to his mum on the phone about Islam without telling her he has left Islam. He mentions the Bible’s command to ‘love your enemy’ which shocks his mum. She questions how anyone can do that. He tells me he has realised while reading the bible how much he loves God and how he loves God above all else and this actually increases his love for me. He also is convicted by prejudice he never knew he had. He says he realises he has certain prejudices against racial groups and Jews and now he loves them all. He is overwhelmed by love for all people.
Since then...
Every day has brought new insight and wonders. Habi and I have had our highs and lows. Habi has been making amazing progress through the Bible, soaking it up like a sponge. It soon became clear to him that he had to tell his parents, not only about us, but about his new faith. Originally he was going to go back next January but he became more and more restless. He didn’t want to lie to his family, or deceive them and he also wanted to tell them the truth. So Saturday 19th only a week after becoming a Christian he rang his father and told him he wanted to come home to talk to him. His father immediately said to come home and arranged a ticket for the following Friday. His father was worried and all Habi could do was assure him it was not about money, his health, nor was he unhappy in Australia.
For the next week we prayed and prayed for God to guide us. We have been so blessed to have a wonderful pastor at my church whom Habi loves, and many wonderful friends all praying for us. Despite the very great dangers we felt comforted and peaceful with Habi’s decision. It is illegal in his country to commit apostasy (leave Islam.) Nor did we know how his family would take it. We took precautions for him to leave his passport and bankcards with his best friend (who he told about his conversion) so that if his family banned him from going back to Australia he could quickly get out. We did all we could to protect him and then accepted the rest is in the hands of God.
The day of the flight, last Friday the 25th, after lunch we went to church to pray, which our pastor kindly opened for us. As we drew before the alter we both naturally fell into sujood position, or prostration. I had never seen Habi pray like that (since becoming Christian) and it’s interesting because I too, sometimes pray in this position. We both prayed, and wept, but not from fear. We were both crying out in supplication, in our own private prayer. In this moment I prayed for many things and I told God, “Let your be done. I submit to your will. If it is your will that he be imprisoned, or even killed, I accept it. This is the person I love most dearly in this world Lord, but I offer him up to you, for your service. I am willing to give his life up for you.”
And yet I did not feel fear, anger or worry – rather emotions which I can’t describe – something with the depth and soul-touching agony of grief, but love instead of sadness.
After we finished praying Habi asked me if I wanted to pray together. We sat together and for the first time, I heard him pray out loud with me. Until now I have heard him whisper and pray quietly and indistinctly in his own private prayer, but he was never able to pray aloud in group prayer. Rather I would pray (and others, if they were there) and he would say ‘Ameen’ at the end. As we sat there he led us quietly, but surely in prayer. My heart rejoiced. Only minutes before, one of the many things I had prayed was for God to lead him in paths of righteousness to grow into a godly man who would be the spiritual head of our family and who would lead me and our future family with authority. What a blessing he is. We left for the airport, singing hymns the whole way.
He hs now been in his country for four days... updates coming soon!! (Part 3, perhaps?)
Monday, June 28, 2010
Part 1: Here it is folks: the Juicy details!
Before you start reading this I should tell you all, this is a story of a Muslim converting to Christianity. If that offends you I suggest you stop reading now. I am not writing this to ‘convert people’ or Bible bash – it is simply an account of what I believe is amazing example of God’s work. As a Christian I know Christians who have become Muslims. I have heard their testimonies many times. As a Christian, yes it hurts a little and is a bit uncomfortable, but that is their choice and they have every right to share their story. And recognizing that God gave every man free will to believe as he wishes I say nothing when I hear an ex-Christian testify against Christianity.
So that said, I ask my Muslim friends to extend the same courtesy and remember the words of the Qu’ran: Sura Al Baqara (2:256) ‘la ikra fi deen’ – ‘there is no compulsion in religion’
God’s Miracle: Part 1 The Love Story
This has been in many ways the most amazing two weeks of my life.
This is a love story, a story of miracles and God. Let me explain.
S. (let’s call him ‘Habi’ as S is too short) has been a good friend for around three years – we were all part of the same ‘group.’ Habi is from one of the gulf countries and is studying here. He is from a religious but not conservative family.
Habi and I have always been able to have great conversation. Despite often not seeing one another for months conversations were always natural, comfortable and long. Last year we became closer and closer until we couldn’t pass the day without talking. He was my best friend – if anything happened, good or bad, he was the first one I wanted to tell.
Long story short, last year, on November 8 everything came to a head. My two close girlfriends had been telling me for weeks that it was clear we both had feelings for each other. I said we were just close and that we provided each other with the companionship of a couple, but without the romantic or sexual counterpart. I knew Habi had ‘liked’ me and we had kissed years ago – but since then I stopped dating, as did he. Then on November 8, when he told me he loved me and asked if we had any future together I told him I could not marry a Muslim. Even as I firmly told him we had no future I felt my heartbreaking. Even as he swallowed hard and told me whatever I decided was fine and he would always be my friend, loving me until a wonderful Christian guy came along for me, it felt so wrong. I realised then that I loved him.
For the next few days I grappled with my misgivings. The bible is clear about being unevenly yoked!
He also didn’t match the image I had of the sort of man I imagined marrying. Yet I realised he was perfect – as if he was tailor-made for me.
Despite having had two long term relationships I had never been in love. In almost three years with my ex I had never told him I loved him. Although I am quite an emotional person I never agreed with people who declared their love in every the relationship – to me this sort of fickle, easy love was cheap. It the enduring, consuming love I wanted – and for me this love was completed by giving your life, soul, mind and future over to that person.
After some time and much prayer and studying what it means to be “unequally yoked” I still didn’t feel this was an ultimatum saying “Well if he’s not Christian then forget about it.” In fact I saw it more as a matter of God sanctioning the union. I clearly felt he was telling me “wait.” So I waited for God’s answer.. and prayed and cried. What a mix of emotions and thoughts. I clearly felt I should ‘wait’ but at the same time I didn’t want to wait for something that would never come. I was also worried I could end up deluding myself, ignoring God and convincing myself that he would change or that our marriage was right. I was scared of putting Habi before God – the story of Abraham and Isaac took on new meaning. More than anything I prayed I would have the strength to give up S. if was clear that us marrying would be disobedient to God. I knew a marriage that occurred out of disobedience to God would not be blessed by Him. As time passed we had discussions about religion now and then – he even went to Arabic church with me and met a Saudi Christian family I know.
Sometimes he would make a comment which gave me so much hope and other times I felt he was no closer.
A lot went on in this time but I’ll skip ahead to Saturday the 19th of May.
It also started with a Saudi man our age who had recently become Christian. He was staying with the Saudi family I know and my family invited them all to dinner Saturday night. I wanted Habi to meet him because the Saudi guy (H) had similar views to Habi before he became Christian. They were coming for dinner on Saturday. Sunday is H’s baptism but Habi is not coming because it is ‘too much.’
Saturday 29th May – Habi is sick all day and says he probably can’t make it. He’s sounds awful. I’m disappointed and pray he will be able to make it. Dinner is fantastic and after our guests leave I quickly change and head out to my friend’s birthday party. Habi’s flatmates are there and I bring left over pudding for them. I decide to drop in on Habi on the way home. He is really crook and clearly upset. He tells me his mum, whom he adores, rang today and (correctly) guessed he is sick because he smokes cigarettes. In their culture things like this are always kept from the parents out of respect and his mother was very upset. He feels really wretched and low and tells me he is giving up. We talk about religion and I tell him how Jesus promises to give us rest from our heavy burdens. We talk a little more and then he goes to sleep.
Sunday 30th May – Habi tells me in the morning that he has made his decision: As far as he’s concerned he doesn’t care if I’m not Muslim. He tells me he wants to get married so now it is up to me. I am sooooo tempted to just say “yes” especially if he doesn’t mind the children not being Muslim but I tell him I can’t give an answer yet, which he says is fine. I am about to leave for H.’s baptism when Habi shows signs of considering coming too. I realise that if he had come to dinner (like I prayed for) he would not have attended the baptism. He asks what it will be like and insists that he has no plans of leaving Islam, and attending a baptism should not be construed as such. I assure him it will be low key and easy.
How wrong I was.
The baptism is held at a church over 30 minutes drive from Habi’s house (over an hour from my house) and we meet my mum and brother there. H and the Saudi family are there. They tell us the baptism will be held about two hours late. It seems an entire church service is being held, not just a baptismal service – it starts soon after and there is a joyous atmosphere. Moreover I feel completely at ease singing hymns and worshipping next to my Habi, who is also comfortable. However an hour and a half later the baptism has still not begun. It seems the hold-up is related to a special guest, a visiting pastor who is running late. Habi begins to feel unwell and is fatigued. My mum has to leave, as it will take an hour to get home and she has to visit her sick aunt on the way home. My youngest brother has exams tomorrow and she also needs to help him revise. She had gone to church in the morning then left straight away to make the baptism (which she ended up missing) and even then only got home at 5 or 6 at night. I tell Habi we’ll wait 15 more minutes and if the baptism has not started we will leave. 25 minutes later we have no choice but to go. The Saudi family beg us to stay but I tell the father GK, firmly, that Habi has had enough! (And to be honest so have I.)
We get home where S. visibly relaxes. He tells me that the Arabic church (who was holding the baptism) was just the same as going to Mosque. In fact the whole experience reaffirms to him that Christianity and Islam are the same. I feel terrible. I give him an Arabic bible I procured.
I drive home feeling horrible and start crying as I walk in the door. I am at a loss – why is it that this wonderful opportunity has turned into a disaster? Instead of being a witness to Habi, it has driven him further away, if anything. This is the second time I have brought Habi to church and things have ‘gone wrong.’ Furthermore it seemed like God had deliberately organised things so that Habi would come to the baptism. I ask God what is it he wants me to do? I feel he is pressing me to do something, but what? I cry out to God to share His plans with me, to show me what to do. My mum has had the same feeling all day – she decided to attend the baptism, driving an hour there and back, to show her support for H. And then didn’t even get to see him baptised! On top of that her aunt was not able to take visitors and my brother had been panicking all day and not done any productive study. Despite this she tells me that sometimes when it seems everything has gone wrong, God is still working – and one person will get something out of it, even if we are unable to see it.
Tuesday 1st June – I go over in morning. When I arrive Habi is in bed and I notice the Arabic bible I gave him is beside him in bed. I have brought my English/Arabic Qu’ran. I’m not sure why, I just felt like bringing it. I point out verses which say it is halal (permissible) for men to have sex with those their right hand possesses (slaves). Habi is shocked – he studies the Arabic and is very quiet. We discuss having four wives. Habi has always felt this is wrong. I point out the fact that Muslim apologists often highlight: In the days of Islam many men had many wives and Islams allowance of four was a limitation rather than license to go out and take more. In this sense it was a good thing. However the Qu’ran itself admits that one wife is the perfect standard. Four wives is an admirable standard for that period and for imperfect human nature. However it is also a compromise between God’s perfect standard and men’s imperfection. We also discuss “eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.” Forgiveness is admirable in Islam – but not mandatory or even expected. In fact Islamic law is based on the assumption of ‘eye for an eye’. Again, this is not the standard of a perfect, holy God but the standard of imperfect, flawed men. And yet the Qu’ran is said to be God’s word.
We let the conversation drop and we both study for exams in separate rooms. I see him fetch the Quran from his bedroom later and say nothing. When I bring him juice in the study room I see he is watching a video on youtube entitled ‘Contradictions in the Qu’ran.’ He is also watching debates between Muslim and Christian scholars. Later he talks to me about ‘making a choice’ and rambles somewhat. He is clearly in conflict. He says ‘it hurts’ and talks about ‘the people’ being wrong. I realise he is beginning to consider the possibility that Islam might be wrong and the consequence is that all the people following Islam (including himself and everyone he has every known) are mistaken. I understand this internal conflict and anguish – I too went through the same thing. My heart goes out to him. I know at this stage he wants to do his own private study and doesn’t want attention. He doesn’t want to be either discouraged or encouraged – he just wants space to be objective without influence. I felt the same when I was in his position so on the most part we don’t talk about it.
Wednesday 2nd June- We study together again. Like yesterday he watches videos and debates, but this time in front of me, and more openly. We discuss what we watch and various religious issues. He is coming out of his shell a little and talking to me more openly. He is still rambling a little – saying phrases and thoughts that are racing through his head. Luckily as I know him so well and I had a similar experience I can follow what he is thinking. He talks about two ‘options’ (Christianity and Islam). He says one is ‘lazy’ but the other option ‘you don’tanything to deserve it, but it seems right.’ He is talking about law being a cop-out, replacing a real relationship with God and Christ’s salvation being so undeserved, respectively.
Thursday 3rd June– He looks distant and I ask him what he is thinking. I am flabbergasted when he says he is wondering what he would change his (surname) to if he became Christian. I don’t show the excitement and shock that is charging through me. I play it cool as we discuss alternatives. Later that day I ask him if he is looking into religion and considering Christianity for me. He tells me firmly, that this is for him and for God. That God and the truth are more important than anything. I am satisfied. He has an exam the next day and Mum and I pray for him that night, that he will do well on his exams, but also that he will have an experience with God.
Friday 4th June – Habi has an exam in the morning. He feels confident but is not prepared for the next one, which is at midday. He rings me after the first and tells me he is trying to cram for the second (in a couple of hours) and it just isn’t working. That evening (after exams) he messages me and says he is having a beer with the boys. I feel uncomfortable with him drinking as I worry it may distract him o interfere with his search for God. I still don’t know how his second exam went, he hasn’t mentioned it. Later that night he tells me that just before the second exam he prayed in Jesus’ name. I am shocked. He says not only did he do well, he knew answers he didn’t even remember studying. Most amazing, he felt God’s presence in a way he never had and this presence was with him all day. He is amazed that even when he drank alcohol this feeling never left.
I am reminded once more, how much cleverer than us God is and how we humans are such know-it-alls. Here I am thinking, ‘I wish he wouldn’t drink - what if this takes him further than God.’ Instead God used it to teach him something. Habi felt ashamed about drinking – in Islam it renders the person unclean and they are unable to pray for 40 days after drinking. Yet drinking alcohol (or being drunk in Christian doctrine) is just one of many sins – why does this particular sin render us unclean, while others do not? Jesus taught that it is not what enters the body that makes one unclean, but what comes out of the heart. Lies, deceit, greed, avarice, anger, gossip – all the sins we commit on a daily basis, all render us unclean before God.
Habi is a real paradox – one of the most ‘moral’ people I know in his sense of justice and treatment of people but a ‘bad’ Muslim in the sense of Muslim observance. And yet his failure to live up Islam was a constant source of shame to him. Feeling so shamed and lowly he would then shy from God because he felt so unworthy. It is a vicious circle. God used this opportunity to show him that a personal relationship (through Jesus’ sacrifice) with God bridges our sinfulness and uncleanness. God never leaves us nor are we barred from His presence.
I ask Habi if, as a Muslim, he felt guilty, ashamed or worried when he prayed in Jesus’ name. For a Muslim this is blasphemy and very very very serious. Every day of Habi’s life had taught him this was wrong. Yet he simply tells me, ‘It felt right. It felt natural.’
Saturday 5th June– He does to his friend M’s house (from the gulf) at night with his friends K and T. They are all Muslims. Another friend innocently asks him how his religious studies are going (unaware he is questioning Islam) and tells him he will ‘find the right path insha’allah.’ This is odd, as habi has taken great pains to ensure no one knows he is questioning Islam. This comment, made in passing, arouses the curiosity of M. M and Habi have a private conversation for some time, and Habi ends up admitting he thinks Islam may be flawed. This is a big and somewhat dangerous admission. M sits back and tells him, “Good Morning.” Habi is confused and asks what he means. M smiles and tells him, ‘Welcome to the truth. I have known for years that Islam is not true.” M shows him the same problems in Islam that GK and the Saudis had discussed with him and even further examples. M knows a lot about Islam and has been studying religion for years. For almost ten years, through his own independent study he has concluded that Islam is not right. He believes in God but is still searching. Habi is amazed that one of his closest friends has been going through the same thing he has. As they sit talking, Habi’s very good friend T sits with them and demands they include him in the conversation. They do and ANOTHER SHOCK he admits he is also disillusioned and secretly disbelieving. He tells them he once tried to tell his parents back home about his doubts and their angry reaction and demands that he never raise the subject again had led him to believe he could never tell anyone. Habi and T go to his house to continue the conversation and K joins them. K identifies as Muslim but openly admits he isn’t one. He is not religious at all and says he hates religion and says he believes there is a God/Power upstairs and that is it. So when he walks in on the obviously serious conversation, Habi shrugs him off and tells him he wouldn’t be interested, assuming K will simply make jokes and disparage religion. Surprisingly K demands he be allowed to stay and says he is always interested to learn about God. So here they stay until 5 or 6 am – three Muslim boys, lost and desperately seeking the truth. Habi earnestly tells T to read the bible.
Sunday 6th June – Saturday’s events are relayed to me on Sunday after church and I am flabbergasted. When I start crying Habi is confused, until I explain they are tears of joy and compassion for these darling boys who are struggling to find God and peace. T had been in tears the night before when he spoke to Habi. It blows my mind that three such close friends (discounting K) were all secretly coming to the same conclusion and feelings, each feeling totally alone, unaware that their brothers were in the same boat. Habi tells me that he feels Satan, God and himself are locked in a struggle in his chest– and while he feels conflicted, he knows that soon it will be only God and himself. He tells me that love is the most important thing and that everyone looks different when you love them. He was also telling this to the boys last night. I am awestruck by the wisdom and sincerity of his words and the way in which he is leading the other boys.
Mum and I pray for them all and their individual needs and particularly for T, who is a dear friend, and more anxious and fearful than the others. I pray that T will have the courage and understanding to accept the truth that deep down, he is not a Muslim, even if he only admits it to himself.
Ten minutes later I ring Habi and T is with him. T asks to speak with me and questions me on various things and then tells me ‘Islam is bad. It’s not right.’ What an answer to prayer.
T also asks how it feels to know/hear/feel God. How do we know when God is telling us something/interacting with us. Habi quietly says afterward that only someone who has never felt this would ask. Habi has also been telling T that Christianity is good, although he is still a Muslim. That night Habi tells me that the first chapter of Matthew is amazing – the detailed chronological family tree of Jesus is far superior to the lists of prophets in the Quran. He is amazed that the Quran, which is supposed to be superior and complete, has gaping holes and far less detail and information than the bible.
Once again I am humbled by God’s wisdom. When I first gave the Arabic bible to Habi I first thought where I should advise him to start.... Some Christians advise Luke is the perfect starting point for someone with no knowledge of the Bible, some ex-muslims advised that John perfectly highlighted and explained Jesus’ key precepts. And while I considered consulting people on this I decided I would simply tell him to start at the beginning of the New Testament. By Sunday he had read the first page three times – once alone, once with T and again by himself. I was a little concerned that this dry, boring start would put him off. After all, a long list of names hardly showed what the Bible and Jesus were all about. And yet this long-winded, stuffy chapter had illustrated the Bible’s historical accuracy, information and status as the Word of God.
That night as I barely allow myself to consider the possibility of Habi becoming a Christian (I have been acting entirely nonchalant and playing it cool) and catch a glimpse of the happiness that could be ours, I become a little disappointed: If Habi becomes Christian I will never know whether or not I had the power to ‘break up’ with him had God asked me to. Ever curious I want to know; Like Abraham would I have been able to put God first?
The God gently told me, ‘You have already passed this test.’ I passed it every time I cried in prayer because I was scared I would put Habi first. I passed it every time I prayed for God’s will to be done, not mine. I passed it every time I thought, ‘It will be alright, it is ok for us to marry’ or ‘I feel God has sanctioned this’ and then heard the quiet ‘No, wait’ in my head and obeyed. I passed it the day Habi told me there were no barriers for him anymore and he wanted to marry me. ‘Yes’ was on the tip of my tongue, but still I just couldn’t. Like someone desperate to sign a loan contract but who knows the interest rate in the fine print is too high – I just couldn’t bring myself to sign on the dotted line. And I felt my Father tell me, after months of impatience, desperation and thought: ‘With you I am well pleased, you have passed.’
The next day Habi told me he was no longer Muslim.
Rest to follow.. ‘ Part 2: Walking Across the Field’
So that said, I ask my Muslim friends to extend the same courtesy and remember the words of the Qu’ran: Sura Al Baqara (2:256) ‘la ikra fi deen’ – ‘there is no compulsion in religion’
God’s Miracle: Part 1 The Love Story
This has been in many ways the most amazing two weeks of my life.
This is a love story, a story of miracles and God. Let me explain.
S. (let’s call him ‘Habi’ as S is too short) has been a good friend for around three years – we were all part of the same ‘group.’ Habi is from one of the gulf countries and is studying here. He is from a religious but not conservative family.
Habi and I have always been able to have great conversation. Despite often not seeing one another for months conversations were always natural, comfortable and long. Last year we became closer and closer until we couldn’t pass the day without talking. He was my best friend – if anything happened, good or bad, he was the first one I wanted to tell.
Long story short, last year, on November 8 everything came to a head. My two close girlfriends had been telling me for weeks that it was clear we both had feelings for each other. I said we were just close and that we provided each other with the companionship of a couple, but without the romantic or sexual counterpart. I knew Habi had ‘liked’ me and we had kissed years ago – but since then I stopped dating, as did he. Then on November 8, when he told me he loved me and asked if we had any future together I told him I could not marry a Muslim. Even as I firmly told him we had no future I felt my heartbreaking. Even as he swallowed hard and told me whatever I decided was fine and he would always be my friend, loving me until a wonderful Christian guy came along for me, it felt so wrong. I realised then that I loved him.
For the next few days I grappled with my misgivings. The bible is clear about being unevenly yoked!
He also didn’t match the image I had of the sort of man I imagined marrying. Yet I realised he was perfect – as if he was tailor-made for me.
Despite having had two long term relationships I had never been in love. In almost three years with my ex I had never told him I loved him. Although I am quite an emotional person I never agreed with people who declared their love in every the relationship – to me this sort of fickle, easy love was cheap. It the enduring, consuming love I wanted – and for me this love was completed by giving your life, soul, mind and future over to that person.
After some time and much prayer and studying what it means to be “unequally yoked” I still didn’t feel this was an ultimatum saying “Well if he’s not Christian then forget about it.” In fact I saw it more as a matter of God sanctioning the union. I clearly felt he was telling me “wait.” So I waited for God’s answer.. and prayed and cried. What a mix of emotions and thoughts. I clearly felt I should ‘wait’ but at the same time I didn’t want to wait for something that would never come. I was also worried I could end up deluding myself, ignoring God and convincing myself that he would change or that our marriage was right. I was scared of putting Habi before God – the story of Abraham and Isaac took on new meaning. More than anything I prayed I would have the strength to give up S. if was clear that us marrying would be disobedient to God. I knew a marriage that occurred out of disobedience to God would not be blessed by Him. As time passed we had discussions about religion now and then – he even went to Arabic church with me and met a Saudi Christian family I know.
Sometimes he would make a comment which gave me so much hope and other times I felt he was no closer.
A lot went on in this time but I’ll skip ahead to Saturday the 19th of May.
It also started with a Saudi man our age who had recently become Christian. He was staying with the Saudi family I know and my family invited them all to dinner Saturday night. I wanted Habi to meet him because the Saudi guy (H) had similar views to Habi before he became Christian. They were coming for dinner on Saturday. Sunday is H’s baptism but Habi is not coming because it is ‘too much.’
Saturday 29th May – Habi is sick all day and says he probably can’t make it. He’s sounds awful. I’m disappointed and pray he will be able to make it. Dinner is fantastic and after our guests leave I quickly change and head out to my friend’s birthday party. Habi’s flatmates are there and I bring left over pudding for them. I decide to drop in on Habi on the way home. He is really crook and clearly upset. He tells me his mum, whom he adores, rang today and (correctly) guessed he is sick because he smokes cigarettes. In their culture things like this are always kept from the parents out of respect and his mother was very upset. He feels really wretched and low and tells me he is giving up. We talk about religion and I tell him how Jesus promises to give us rest from our heavy burdens. We talk a little more and then he goes to sleep.
Sunday 30th May – Habi tells me in the morning that he has made his decision: As far as he’s concerned he doesn’t care if I’m not Muslim. He tells me he wants to get married so now it is up to me. I am sooooo tempted to just say “yes” especially if he doesn’t mind the children not being Muslim but I tell him I can’t give an answer yet, which he says is fine. I am about to leave for H.’s baptism when Habi shows signs of considering coming too. I realise that if he had come to dinner (like I prayed for) he would not have attended the baptism. He asks what it will be like and insists that he has no plans of leaving Islam, and attending a baptism should not be construed as such. I assure him it will be low key and easy.
How wrong I was.
The baptism is held at a church over 30 minutes drive from Habi’s house (over an hour from my house) and we meet my mum and brother there. H and the Saudi family are there. They tell us the baptism will be held about two hours late. It seems an entire church service is being held, not just a baptismal service – it starts soon after and there is a joyous atmosphere. Moreover I feel completely at ease singing hymns and worshipping next to my Habi, who is also comfortable. However an hour and a half later the baptism has still not begun. It seems the hold-up is related to a special guest, a visiting pastor who is running late. Habi begins to feel unwell and is fatigued. My mum has to leave, as it will take an hour to get home and she has to visit her sick aunt on the way home. My youngest brother has exams tomorrow and she also needs to help him revise. She had gone to church in the morning then left straight away to make the baptism (which she ended up missing) and even then only got home at 5 or 6 at night. I tell Habi we’ll wait 15 more minutes and if the baptism has not started we will leave. 25 minutes later we have no choice but to go. The Saudi family beg us to stay but I tell the father GK, firmly, that Habi has had enough! (And to be honest so have I.)
We get home where S. visibly relaxes. He tells me that the Arabic church (who was holding the baptism) was just the same as going to Mosque. In fact the whole experience reaffirms to him that Christianity and Islam are the same. I feel terrible. I give him an Arabic bible I procured.
I drive home feeling horrible and start crying as I walk in the door. I am at a loss – why is it that this wonderful opportunity has turned into a disaster? Instead of being a witness to Habi, it has driven him further away, if anything. This is the second time I have brought Habi to church and things have ‘gone wrong.’ Furthermore it seemed like God had deliberately organised things so that Habi would come to the baptism. I ask God what is it he wants me to do? I feel he is pressing me to do something, but what? I cry out to God to share His plans with me, to show me what to do. My mum has had the same feeling all day – she decided to attend the baptism, driving an hour there and back, to show her support for H. And then didn’t even get to see him baptised! On top of that her aunt was not able to take visitors and my brother had been panicking all day and not done any productive study. Despite this she tells me that sometimes when it seems everything has gone wrong, God is still working – and one person will get something out of it, even if we are unable to see it.
Tuesday 1st June – I go over in morning. When I arrive Habi is in bed and I notice the Arabic bible I gave him is beside him in bed. I have brought my English/Arabic Qu’ran. I’m not sure why, I just felt like bringing it. I point out verses which say it is halal (permissible) for men to have sex with those their right hand possesses (slaves). Habi is shocked – he studies the Arabic and is very quiet. We discuss having four wives. Habi has always felt this is wrong. I point out the fact that Muslim apologists often highlight: In the days of Islam many men had many wives and Islams allowance of four was a limitation rather than license to go out and take more. In this sense it was a good thing. However the Qu’ran itself admits that one wife is the perfect standard. Four wives is an admirable standard for that period and for imperfect human nature. However it is also a compromise between God’s perfect standard and men’s imperfection. We also discuss “eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.” Forgiveness is admirable in Islam – but not mandatory or even expected. In fact Islamic law is based on the assumption of ‘eye for an eye’. Again, this is not the standard of a perfect, holy God but the standard of imperfect, flawed men. And yet the Qu’ran is said to be God’s word.
We let the conversation drop and we both study for exams in separate rooms. I see him fetch the Quran from his bedroom later and say nothing. When I bring him juice in the study room I see he is watching a video on youtube entitled ‘Contradictions in the Qu’ran.’ He is also watching debates between Muslim and Christian scholars. Later he talks to me about ‘making a choice’ and rambles somewhat. He is clearly in conflict. He says ‘it hurts’ and talks about ‘the people’ being wrong. I realise he is beginning to consider the possibility that Islam might be wrong and the consequence is that all the people following Islam (including himself and everyone he has every known) are mistaken. I understand this internal conflict and anguish – I too went through the same thing. My heart goes out to him. I know at this stage he wants to do his own private study and doesn’t want attention. He doesn’t want to be either discouraged or encouraged – he just wants space to be objective without influence. I felt the same when I was in his position so on the most part we don’t talk about it.
Wednesday 2nd June- We study together again. Like yesterday he watches videos and debates, but this time in front of me, and more openly. We discuss what we watch and various religious issues. He is coming out of his shell a little and talking to me more openly. He is still rambling a little – saying phrases and thoughts that are racing through his head. Luckily as I know him so well and I had a similar experience I can follow what he is thinking. He talks about two ‘options’ (Christianity and Islam). He says one is ‘lazy’ but the other option ‘you don’tanything to deserve it, but it seems right.’ He is talking about law being a cop-out, replacing a real relationship with God and Christ’s salvation being so undeserved, respectively.
Thursday 3rd June– He looks distant and I ask him what he is thinking. I am flabbergasted when he says he is wondering what he would change his (surname) to if he became Christian. I don’t show the excitement and shock that is charging through me. I play it cool as we discuss alternatives. Later that day I ask him if he is looking into religion and considering Christianity for me. He tells me firmly, that this is for him and for God. That God and the truth are more important than anything. I am satisfied. He has an exam the next day and Mum and I pray for him that night, that he will do well on his exams, but also that he will have an experience with God.
Friday 4th June – Habi has an exam in the morning. He feels confident but is not prepared for the next one, which is at midday. He rings me after the first and tells me he is trying to cram for the second (in a couple of hours) and it just isn’t working. That evening (after exams) he messages me and says he is having a beer with the boys. I feel uncomfortable with him drinking as I worry it may distract him o interfere with his search for God. I still don’t know how his second exam went, he hasn’t mentioned it. Later that night he tells me that just before the second exam he prayed in Jesus’ name. I am shocked. He says not only did he do well, he knew answers he didn’t even remember studying. Most amazing, he felt God’s presence in a way he never had and this presence was with him all day. He is amazed that even when he drank alcohol this feeling never left.
I am reminded once more, how much cleverer than us God is and how we humans are such know-it-alls. Here I am thinking, ‘I wish he wouldn’t drink - what if this takes him further than God.’ Instead God used it to teach him something. Habi felt ashamed about drinking – in Islam it renders the person unclean and they are unable to pray for 40 days after drinking. Yet drinking alcohol (or being drunk in Christian doctrine) is just one of many sins – why does this particular sin render us unclean, while others do not? Jesus taught that it is not what enters the body that makes one unclean, but what comes out of the heart. Lies, deceit, greed, avarice, anger, gossip – all the sins we commit on a daily basis, all render us unclean before God.
Habi is a real paradox – one of the most ‘moral’ people I know in his sense of justice and treatment of people but a ‘bad’ Muslim in the sense of Muslim observance. And yet his failure to live up Islam was a constant source of shame to him. Feeling so shamed and lowly he would then shy from God because he felt so unworthy. It is a vicious circle. God used this opportunity to show him that a personal relationship (through Jesus’ sacrifice) with God bridges our sinfulness and uncleanness. God never leaves us nor are we barred from His presence.
I ask Habi if, as a Muslim, he felt guilty, ashamed or worried when he prayed in Jesus’ name. For a Muslim this is blasphemy and very very very serious. Every day of Habi’s life had taught him this was wrong. Yet he simply tells me, ‘It felt right. It felt natural.’
Saturday 5th June– He does to his friend M’s house (from the gulf) at night with his friends K and T. They are all Muslims. Another friend innocently asks him how his religious studies are going (unaware he is questioning Islam) and tells him he will ‘find the right path insha’allah.’ This is odd, as habi has taken great pains to ensure no one knows he is questioning Islam. This comment, made in passing, arouses the curiosity of M. M and Habi have a private conversation for some time, and Habi ends up admitting he thinks Islam may be flawed. This is a big and somewhat dangerous admission. M sits back and tells him, “Good Morning.” Habi is confused and asks what he means. M smiles and tells him, ‘Welcome to the truth. I have known for years that Islam is not true.” M shows him the same problems in Islam that GK and the Saudis had discussed with him and even further examples. M knows a lot about Islam and has been studying religion for years. For almost ten years, through his own independent study he has concluded that Islam is not right. He believes in God but is still searching. Habi is amazed that one of his closest friends has been going through the same thing he has. As they sit talking, Habi’s very good friend T sits with them and demands they include him in the conversation. They do and ANOTHER SHOCK he admits he is also disillusioned and secretly disbelieving. He tells them he once tried to tell his parents back home about his doubts and their angry reaction and demands that he never raise the subject again had led him to believe he could never tell anyone. Habi and T go to his house to continue the conversation and K joins them. K identifies as Muslim but openly admits he isn’t one. He is not religious at all and says he hates religion and says he believes there is a God/Power upstairs and that is it. So when he walks in on the obviously serious conversation, Habi shrugs him off and tells him he wouldn’t be interested, assuming K will simply make jokes and disparage religion. Surprisingly K demands he be allowed to stay and says he is always interested to learn about God. So here they stay until 5 or 6 am – three Muslim boys, lost and desperately seeking the truth. Habi earnestly tells T to read the bible.
Sunday 6th June – Saturday’s events are relayed to me on Sunday after church and I am flabbergasted. When I start crying Habi is confused, until I explain they are tears of joy and compassion for these darling boys who are struggling to find God and peace. T had been in tears the night before when he spoke to Habi. It blows my mind that three such close friends (discounting K) were all secretly coming to the same conclusion and feelings, each feeling totally alone, unaware that their brothers were in the same boat. Habi tells me that he feels Satan, God and himself are locked in a struggle in his chest– and while he feels conflicted, he knows that soon it will be only God and himself. He tells me that love is the most important thing and that everyone looks different when you love them. He was also telling this to the boys last night. I am awestruck by the wisdom and sincerity of his words and the way in which he is leading the other boys.
Mum and I pray for them all and their individual needs and particularly for T, who is a dear friend, and more anxious and fearful than the others. I pray that T will have the courage and understanding to accept the truth that deep down, he is not a Muslim, even if he only admits it to himself.
Ten minutes later I ring Habi and T is with him. T asks to speak with me and questions me on various things and then tells me ‘Islam is bad. It’s not right.’ What an answer to prayer.
T also asks how it feels to know/hear/feel God. How do we know when God is telling us something/interacting with us. Habi quietly says afterward that only someone who has never felt this would ask. Habi has also been telling T that Christianity is good, although he is still a Muslim. That night Habi tells me that the first chapter of Matthew is amazing – the detailed chronological family tree of Jesus is far superior to the lists of prophets in the Quran. He is amazed that the Quran, which is supposed to be superior and complete, has gaping holes and far less detail and information than the bible.
Once again I am humbled by God’s wisdom. When I first gave the Arabic bible to Habi I first thought where I should advise him to start.... Some Christians advise Luke is the perfect starting point for someone with no knowledge of the Bible, some ex-muslims advised that John perfectly highlighted and explained Jesus’ key precepts. And while I considered consulting people on this I decided I would simply tell him to start at the beginning of the New Testament. By Sunday he had read the first page three times – once alone, once with T and again by himself. I was a little concerned that this dry, boring start would put him off. After all, a long list of names hardly showed what the Bible and Jesus were all about. And yet this long-winded, stuffy chapter had illustrated the Bible’s historical accuracy, information and status as the Word of God.
That night as I barely allow myself to consider the possibility of Habi becoming a Christian (I have been acting entirely nonchalant and playing it cool) and catch a glimpse of the happiness that could be ours, I become a little disappointed: If Habi becomes Christian I will never know whether or not I had the power to ‘break up’ with him had God asked me to. Ever curious I want to know; Like Abraham would I have been able to put God first?
The God gently told me, ‘You have already passed this test.’ I passed it every time I cried in prayer because I was scared I would put Habi first. I passed it every time I prayed for God’s will to be done, not mine. I passed it every time I thought, ‘It will be alright, it is ok for us to marry’ or ‘I feel God has sanctioned this’ and then heard the quiet ‘No, wait’ in my head and obeyed. I passed it the day Habi told me there were no barriers for him anymore and he wanted to marry me. ‘Yes’ was on the tip of my tongue, but still I just couldn’t. Like someone desperate to sign a loan contract but who knows the interest rate in the fine print is too high – I just couldn’t bring myself to sign on the dotted line. And I felt my Father tell me, after months of impatience, desperation and thought: ‘With you I am well pleased, you have passed.’
The next day Habi told me he was no longer Muslim.
Rest to follow.. ‘ Part 2: Walking Across the Field’
Monday, June 21, 2010
Anonymity: Followers/regulars Please Read!!
After my own concerns and a very thoughtful email from another blogger I have made some changes to my blog - you will see my profile is changed somewhat and I have deleted any references to my name and town. This includes comments, so please don't feel offended if you see I have deleted your comments.
For those of you who know my name, city and other details - please don't publish these. Don't even acknowledge if you are aware of these details as I wouldn't want you to draw undue scrutiny.
The reason for all this are my recent posts on converts, including my husband-to-be (S.) who left Islam and became Christian. He is from the (arabian) gulf. In his country it is illegal to leave Islam (apostasy.) Close friends would most likely be able to identify me from my blog but we do not plan to hide his faith from our friends/family. At the end of the day it will eventually get out (he is telling his family in the next week or so) - unless we completely live a lie and hide hos faith our whole lives then the people we know will be aware of it. It one of those people decides to inform the government then there is not much we can do. It is a reality of the gulf, and almost all apostates/converts seek asylum in the West. In some cases they later return and live in the gulf nation on a western passport.
Gulf passports can only be held by Muslims and citizenship will be withdrawn if authorities discover that the person has left Islam.
We dont think anyone of his family/friends from his home nation will turn him in but we can't be sure. And these things have a habit of spreading fast.
For now we are biding our time -but at the end of the day if someone is determined to discover my identity (and his) from this blog and deliberately inform authorities, well, it merely a process of speeding up the inevitable!
I would like to add, for the benefit of such readers:
This blog is NOT designed as a tool of evangelism/da3wa/conversion. It is my account of my own personal feelings and opinions. I have a high regard and respect for Islam and Christianity and their followers. This blog is not designed to criticise or denegrate Islam, Christianity or ANY religion or ANY nation. It is merely a forum for discussion.
For those of you who know my name, city and other details - please don't publish these. Don't even acknowledge if you are aware of these details as I wouldn't want you to draw undue scrutiny.
The reason for all this are my recent posts on converts, including my husband-to-be (S.) who left Islam and became Christian. He is from the (arabian) gulf. In his country it is illegal to leave Islam (apostasy.) Close friends would most likely be able to identify me from my blog but we do not plan to hide his faith from our friends/family. At the end of the day it will eventually get out (he is telling his family in the next week or so) - unless we completely live a lie and hide hos faith our whole lives then the people we know will be aware of it. It one of those people decides to inform the government then there is not much we can do. It is a reality of the gulf, and almost all apostates/converts seek asylum in the West. In some cases they later return and live in the gulf nation on a western passport.
Gulf passports can only be held by Muslims and citizenship will be withdrawn if authorities discover that the person has left Islam.
We dont think anyone of his family/friends from his home nation will turn him in but we can't be sure. And these things have a habit of spreading fast.
For now we are biding our time -but at the end of the day if someone is determined to discover my identity (and his) from this blog and deliberately inform authorities, well, it merely a process of speeding up the inevitable!
I would like to add, for the benefit of such readers:
This blog is NOT designed as a tool of evangelism/da3wa/conversion. It is my account of my own personal feelings and opinions. I have a high regard and respect for Islam and Christianity and their followers. This blog is not designed to criticise or denegrate Islam, Christianity or ANY religion or ANY nation. It is merely a forum for discussion.
Monday, June 7, 2010
This week = THE MOST AMAZING WEEK IN MY LIFE. GOD has blown my little white socks off.
I am still going to post the rest of my series on head coverings... everything is somewhat interrupted right now because this week has been the craziest ever!! EVER IN MY LIFE!! (And i've had some crazy weeks!)
On a quick side note i've had to "suspend' my headcovering series because my laptop charger had a meltdown (literally) so I can't access my pics/blog posts I had already started. Right before exams too (and in the middle of a research paper but Thank God I had that on USB).
Ok I'm meant to be getting some writing done on my paper as I speak.. but i'm having a little 'break.' It's 8.30 in the morning.. I deserve one :)
I reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaly wish I could give you all the details, and as soon as I have a spare hour or so I will (coz I wanna do this justice)
Abridged version:
In the space of one week, from last Sunday to Sunday just two days ago, I have seen God shift and move people's life like never before.
The man I love, S., has left Islam.
Last week he was a Muslim. Now he is not. ... He is now searching for the right path, but he has never stopped believing that there is God.
Without even explaining the amazing events connected to this decision, this is compounded by the fact that in the same week he found out that not 1, not 2, but THREE of his Muslim friends are in the same boat!
I'm going to leave it there, because I don't want to spoil the story!
Last but far from least, it begs a mention that my darling S. is from the Gulf... as are two of the other friends mentioned above. He is feeling very calm now but he knows how dangerous this is. One of his saudi friends (T.) is terrified. Although T. comes from a relatively liberal saudi family he tried before to confide in his parents about his religious convictions and they reacted with extreme anger and hostility and made it clear he was never to raise questions like that again. He is terrified the close knit saudi-community here will find out.
S. went through several days of pain and struggle and intense conflict, but has emerged determined to follow God and find the truth at all costs. The only regret he has is that, one day, he will have to tell his parents, whom he is very close to, and he knows it will devastate them.
H. another saudi who became Christian just two weeks ago (I blogged about him here) is proof of this. Within less than a couple of day of converting the Saudi govnt sent him an airplane ticket and demanded he return hom, at the same type cancelling his scholarship and visa. Had he gone he would have been arrested straight away. Instead he went that day to apply for asylum so the Australian government won't send him back.
Despite this I am overjoyed. I am so proud of these boys. (They are aged 20 to mid-20s)
And not because they left Islam. Not because they may or may not become Christians. I am proud of them for putting truth and God above EVERYTHING else in their lives. For deciding to search for more, rather than sticking to the status quo or accepting something they don't believe in.
It is heartwrenching and beautiful to see these boys, and mostly my love, spending hours earnestly discusssing God, reading books of all kinds, watching videos and going into the depths of theology, leaving no stone unturned - and all in the faith that God will lead them, that they will find the Truth.
It inspires me. It fills me with wonder. It makes me remember how awesome God is, and how infinately thankful I am that He gives us this innate ability to know, percieve and love Him.
And I remember His promise to mankind
On a quick side note i've had to "suspend' my headcovering series because my laptop charger had a meltdown (literally) so I can't access my pics/blog posts I had already started. Right before exams too (and in the middle of a research paper but Thank God I had that on USB).
Ok I'm meant to be getting some writing done on my paper as I speak.. but i'm having a little 'break.' It's 8.30 in the morning.. I deserve one :)
I reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaly wish I could give you all the details, and as soon as I have a spare hour or so I will (coz I wanna do this justice)
Abridged version:
In the space of one week, from last Sunday to Sunday just two days ago, I have seen God shift and move people's life like never before.
The man I love, S., has left Islam.
Last week he was a Muslim. Now he is not. ... He is now searching for the right path, but he has never stopped believing that there is God.
Without even explaining the amazing events connected to this decision, this is compounded by the fact that in the same week he found out that not 1, not 2, but THREE of his Muslim friends are in the same boat!
I'm going to leave it there, because I don't want to spoil the story!
Last but far from least, it begs a mention that my darling S. is from the Gulf... as are two of the other friends mentioned above. He is feeling very calm now but he knows how dangerous this is. One of his saudi friends (T.) is terrified. Although T. comes from a relatively liberal saudi family he tried before to confide in his parents about his religious convictions and they reacted with extreme anger and hostility and made it clear he was never to raise questions like that again. He is terrified the close knit saudi-community here will find out.
S. went through several days of pain and struggle and intense conflict, but has emerged determined to follow God and find the truth at all costs. The only regret he has is that, one day, he will have to tell his parents, whom he is very close to, and he knows it will devastate them.
H. another saudi who became Christian just two weeks ago (I blogged about him here) is proof of this. Within less than a couple of day of converting the Saudi govnt sent him an airplane ticket and demanded he return hom, at the same type cancelling his scholarship and visa. Had he gone he would have been arrested straight away. Instead he went that day to apply for asylum so the Australian government won't send him back.
Despite this I am overjoyed. I am so proud of these boys. (They are aged 20 to mid-20s)
And not because they left Islam. Not because they may or may not become Christians. I am proud of them for putting truth and God above EVERYTHING else in their lives. For deciding to search for more, rather than sticking to the status quo or accepting something they don't believe in.
It is heartwrenching and beautiful to see these boys, and mostly my love, spending hours earnestly discusssing God, reading books of all kinds, watching videos and going into the depths of theology, leaving no stone unturned - and all in the faith that God will lead them, that they will find the Truth.
It inspires me. It fills me with wonder. It makes me remember how awesome God is, and how infinately thankful I am that He gives us this innate ability to know, percieve and love Him.
And I remember His promise to mankind
"Then you shall know the Truth. And the Truth shall set you free."
Monday, May 31, 2010
Coverings Part 2: Rectangle Scarves
To be honest I find rectangle scarves the easiest to wrap in a hijab style, and the most comfortable. However if you are a non-muslim trying to identity with hijab as little as possible, the rectangle scarf may be worn in a classic way, similar to the square scarf in the previous post. From Angelina Jolie to Condolezza Rice, the rectangle scarf draped loosely over the head, with one end, or both tossed casually over the shoulder is both chic and casual. If you want something more secure, draw the ends tighter or knot them either in the front or the back.
These styles only work for lightweight, silky and gauzy scarves. The warmer or thicker ones, such as pashminas are better for hijab, however the black and white photos show a pashmina-like scarf worn around the head, as is my picture with the grey pashmina.
These styles only work for lightweight, silky and gauzy scarves. The warmer or thicker ones, such as pashminas are better for hijab, however the black and white photos show a pashmina-like scarf worn around the head, as is my picture with the grey pashmina.
There are a million ways to wear rectangle scarves as hijab, so I won’t go into that – personally I never use pins and go with a no-fuss style, but that's just me - if you want to look at different styles of hijab there are many many sites exploring different styles! Go crazy! :)
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Coverings Part 1: Square scarves
Hi ladies!
well I decided to post some pictures of head coverings.. as a newbie headcover-er the most helpful part pf covering was look a pictures of people's coverings.
As I started sorting through pictures however I realised there were too many for one post, s I have broken them up into sepeare posts:
1. Square scarves
2. Rectangle scarves
3. Beanies, Hats & Hoodies
4. Headwraps
5. Al amirah, veils and ready-made coverings
The list is by no means exhaustive - I have just posted pictures and comments of the styles I wear and prefer. There are many sites for Christian, Islamic and Jewish covering, which I urge you all to check out!
I have blanked out my face in my pics because I feel the odd picture or two is something, but too many and you risk turning a blog into Facebook/Myspace, and unlike my Facebook, which is set to private anyone can see and use my pics! So this is not because I distrust my blog-friends and followers, or have huge modesty concerns over people seeing my face :)
ok so...
Part 1: Square Scarves
While rectangle scarves are in many ways more versatile and easy to wear, the square scarf (folded into a triangle) is a classic and more western look. From Audrey Hepburn to Grace Kelly, the square scarf has been worn with elegance and modesty.
Knotted under the chin, behind the neck, or to the side, it is worn in the snowy streets of Moscow to the sunny coast of Italy (paired with big sunglasses!)
I particularly like the bigger scarves, and the style of tying them so the knot is not visible and it sits further out, rather than under the chin. This tends to frame the face, making it look more delicate and slim. It also feels cosy and protectice, especially in winter!
The next style also has jewish ties (indeed the model pictures here were from a jewish covering business). I think similiar styles have been called the "Jerusalem style" before.
The basic step is to tie the two end behind the neck. This style can also be worn like a western bandand, simply vary the scarf size for the amount of coverage.
'The Pony'
'The Butterfly'
well I decided to post some pictures of head coverings.. as a newbie headcover-er the most helpful part pf covering was look a pictures of people's coverings.
As I started sorting through pictures however I realised there were too many for one post, s I have broken them up into sepeare posts:
1. Square scarves
2. Rectangle scarves
3. Beanies, Hats & Hoodies
4. Headwraps
5. Al amirah, veils and ready-made coverings
The list is by no means exhaustive - I have just posted pictures and comments of the styles I wear and prefer. There are many sites for Christian, Islamic and Jewish covering, which I urge you all to check out!
I have blanked out my face in my pics because I feel the odd picture or two is something, but too many and you risk turning a blog into Facebook/Myspace, and unlike my Facebook, which is set to private anyone can see and use my pics! So this is not because I distrust my blog-friends and followers, or have huge modesty concerns over people seeing my face :)
ok so...
Part 1: Square Scarves
While rectangle scarves are in many ways more versatile and easy to wear, the square scarf (folded into a triangle) is a classic and more western look. From Audrey Hepburn to Grace Kelly, the square scarf has been worn with elegance and modesty.
Knotted under the chin, behind the neck, or to the side, it is worn in the snowy streets of Moscow to the sunny coast of Italy (paired with big sunglasses!)
I particularly like the bigger scarves, and the style of tying them so the knot is not visible and it sits further out, rather than under the chin. This tends to frame the face, making it look more delicate and slim. It also feels cosy and protectice, especially in winter!
Italian Chic
The next style also has jewish ties (indeed the model pictures here were from a jewish covering business). I think similiar styles have been called the "Jerusalem style" before.
The basic step is to tie the two end behind the neck. This style can also be worn like a western bandand, simply vary the scarf size for the amount of coverage.
'The Pony'
'The Butterfly'Wednesday, May 26, 2010
My blessed week: the Muslim and the Jew
I'm Hap-hap happy! and here's why...
Part 1: the Jew
An old friend of mums, whose daughter went to school with my younger brother, dropped by today. I went to a new gymn this morning and she was there so I told her to swing by and say hi to mum, but as it turn out Mum was just leaving when I got home.
This lady, N. is not a close friend, but someone we see every couple of years.
Last August she dropped by when my father passed away and we started chatting about religion.
I should mention that N is jewish and her father is a holocaust survivor. Her aunty wrote a book about being a child in Bergen-Belsen a german cncentration camp and ironically one that my grandfather accompanied the army to liberate.
Anyway N. was saying how her studies of the Old Testament prophecies of the Messiah and Jesus were interesting. She said how the rabi and people at synagogue dislike discussing certain verses and their dismissive explanations did not satisfy her. She is able to read Hebrew, so she can study scripture in the original language. She believed they confirmed Jesus was the Messsiah, died on the cross and was resurrected.
At that point she had never heard the term 'messianic jew' and I explained that it referred to Jews who believe Jesus is the messiah, rather than calling them christians, it allowed them to retain their jewish identity.
As usual she dropped out of contact until I saw her today! When she called in only an hour ago, although Mama wasn't home, she stopped by for little while, and announced that she had been baptised and is now a messianic Jew!!
Praise God!!
Part 2: the Muslim
I originally just wanted to share my excitement over N, but then I realised a second part to this would be H! Just over a week ago my saudi friend, 'George' rang me to say that another saudi (a student) had become Christian!
George, his wife and 3 children are saudi arabian and Christian! George converted whilst in Saudi Arabia and fled after being persecuted. His wife decided to accompany him, in the hope she could lead him back to Islam, but ended up accepting Christ herself.
They and H. are coming for dinner on Saturday, so my family and I will get to hear his story, and the next day we are going to his baptism.
So in just over a week I have seen a (saudi) muslim and a jew come to Christ! It is amazing how God works! Hallelujah!
Secondly, please please pray for both of them:
H - Will be sure to encounter opposition from friends and family, especially when he returns to Saudi. It will be very dangerous. He is also having visa problems, please pray he is able to continue studies here, the saudi government may also try and prevent this.Pray for continued spiritual growth and faith in the face of persecution.
N- To continue to grow in faith and understanding, to have a strong, personal relationship with God. She has not yet told any of her family, and doesn't know how to tell them, especially those who are holocaust survivors, such as her aunty. They are likely to view it as a betrayal to the jewish people and to family members who died in the Holocaust. Pray for guidance.
Part 1: the Jew
An old friend of mums, whose daughter went to school with my younger brother, dropped by today. I went to a new gymn this morning and she was there so I told her to swing by and say hi to mum, but as it turn out Mum was just leaving when I got home.
This lady, N. is not a close friend, but someone we see every couple of years.
Last August she dropped by when my father passed away and we started chatting about religion.
I should mention that N is jewish and her father is a holocaust survivor. Her aunty wrote a book about being a child in Bergen-Belsen a german cncentration camp and ironically one that my grandfather accompanied the army to liberate.
Anyway N. was saying how her studies of the Old Testament prophecies of the Messiah and Jesus were interesting. She said how the rabi and people at synagogue dislike discussing certain verses and their dismissive explanations did not satisfy her. She is able to read Hebrew, so she can study scripture in the original language. She believed they confirmed Jesus was the Messsiah, died on the cross and was resurrected.
At that point she had never heard the term 'messianic jew' and I explained that it referred to Jews who believe Jesus is the messiah, rather than calling them christians, it allowed them to retain their jewish identity.
As usual she dropped out of contact until I saw her today! When she called in only an hour ago, although Mama wasn't home, she stopped by for little while, and announced that she had been baptised and is now a messianic Jew!!
Praise God!!
Part 2: the Muslim
I originally just wanted to share my excitement over N, but then I realised a second part to this would be H! Just over a week ago my saudi friend, 'George' rang me to say that another saudi (a student) had become Christian!
George, his wife and 3 children are saudi arabian and Christian! George converted whilst in Saudi Arabia and fled after being persecuted. His wife decided to accompany him, in the hope she could lead him back to Islam, but ended up accepting Christ herself.
They and H. are coming for dinner on Saturday, so my family and I will get to hear his story, and the next day we are going to his baptism.
So in just over a week I have seen a (saudi) muslim and a jew come to Christ! It is amazing how God works! Hallelujah!
Secondly, please please pray for both of them:
H - Will be sure to encounter opposition from friends and family, especially when he returns to Saudi. It will be very dangerous. He is also having visa problems, please pray he is able to continue studies here, the saudi government may also try and prevent this.Pray for continued spiritual growth and faith in the face of persecution.
N- To continue to grow in faith and understanding, to have a strong, personal relationship with God. She has not yet told any of her family, and doesn't know how to tell them, especially those who are holocaust survivors, such as her aunty. They are likely to view it as a betrayal to the jewish people and to family members who died in the Holocaust. Pray for guidance.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Middle Eastern Taxi Driver
No, I'm not talking about a potential arab remake of the Scorsese film... I'm talking about the Gulf Taxi Driver.
He is usually non-arab, or from another arab country (God forbid a local drive a taxi!! *Gasp*)
He may be grubby or clean. Most likely he will have a beard or stubble.
But most of all he is distinguished from his western counterpart by the fact that he will ask personal questions straight out (which isn’t really done in Australia.)
What’s more I find that almost always the first questions are always the same, and asked in the same order, as follows:
“Where are you from?”
“Are you married?”
“How old are you?”
Possible additional questions may include: “What religion are you?” and “Are you looking for a husband?”
And as sleezy and unprofessional as some of them may be, they may also be endearing, informative and entertaining.
A special mention goes to an indian driver I had in Dubai, called Khaled, who was an absolute darling and invaluable when it came to dealing with emirati customs at the cargo place!!
He is usually non-arab, or from another arab country (God forbid a local drive a taxi!! *Gasp*)
He may be grubby or clean. Most likely he will have a beard or stubble.
But most of all he is distinguished from his western counterpart by the fact that he will ask personal questions straight out (which isn’t really done in Australia.)
What’s more I find that almost always the first questions are always the same, and asked in the same order, as follows:
“Where are you from?”
“Are you married?”
“How old are you?”
Possible additional questions may include: “What religion are you?” and “Are you looking for a husband?”
And as sleezy and unprofessional as some of them may be, they may also be endearing, informative and entertaining.
A special mention goes to an indian driver I had in Dubai, called Khaled, who was an absolute darling and invaluable when it came to dealing with emirati customs at the cargo place!!
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Walk On
Walk on
I need to refresh,
Step back, take a breath.
Return to my roots
my spiritual origins, God’s truths.
Take a moment in prayer; cast my fears behind me
give up all of my worries to the Lord Almighty
Ask God to help me
because I’m tired of fighting
Close my eyes and trust I can see,
to find my way to a path I once saw so clearly.
Cast my burden down;
this heavy pack,
a weight I’ve carried around
Raise up my head
And look life in the eye
because I haven’t quit
and I’m not ready to die
Feign assurance, although I’m not ready
Walk as if I’m sure, until my footsteps grow steady
Step by step until I become strong
because I refuse to fall...
and so I walk on.
I need to refresh,
Step back, take a breath.
Return to my roots
my spiritual origins, God’s truths.
Take a moment in prayer; cast my fears behind me
give up all of my worries to the Lord Almighty
Ask God to help me
because I’m tired of fighting
Close my eyes and trust I can see,
to find my way to a path I once saw so clearly.
Cast my burden down;
this heavy pack,
a weight I’ve carried around
Raise up my head
And look life in the eye
because I haven’t quit
and I’m not ready to die
Feign assurance, although I’m not ready
Walk as if I’m sure, until my footsteps grow steady
Step by step until I become strong
because I refuse to fall...
and so I walk on.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Islam and Christianity: being caught in-between!
Lately I have been noticing a lot of.. well for lack of words :"Half muslim -half christians" - people who identify with both religions. I, too have been in that boat and know how it feels!
A well known case is Ann Holmes Redding - a muslim episcopalian minister! (Google her!)
So I thought I'd share my story of being a "half-and-half" too!
Two years ago I was almost a Muslim - insofar that I praying raka'ah and believed Mohammed to be a prophet - but had not yet 'formerly' converted (said shahada or declared myself 'muslim')
But I was pretty darn close!
I always believed the Bible's promise that those who seek the Truth shall find it. Unfortunately the seeking part is a good sight harder than I anticipated!
So why does a practising Christian start to consider Islam?
I had always had respect for Muslims. I saw among many of them the same desire to know and follow God. To me Muslims were as much our brothers and sisters as Jews are often considered to be. They had the same prophets (plus Jesus!) and many similar values and concepts.
I always felt peaceful attending Mosque. I also felt drawn to hijab (I realised later on that you don’t have to be Muslim to cover! :) But at the time I thought it was a ‘muslim thing.’)
My best friend from high school was Muslim and I would go to mosque with her family during Ramadhan, and I would pray beside them. Like Ann Holmes Redding I was first drawn to Islam through prayer.
My mother is an Indonesian teacher and has many muslim friends. As a child she would describe the sound of azzan, the call to prayer and explain how it rang out five times a day, the obligatory prayers for a Muslim.
My work with refugees/asylum seekers/human rights and a general multicultural interest brought me in contact with many arabs and muslims. At uni I met a bunch of Omanis, and soon some of my closest friends were from the Arabian gulf.
Their culture felt like home to me in a way- in many ways because it actually reinforced Christian values which are so lacking in Australian society – family, respect, etc.
My family doesn’t really drink, neither my mum or my dad (who came to Australia when he was 12) fitted typical Australian mould. For me the Australian pub/beer/footy/rock’n’roll culture always felt so foreign.
As a kid growing up in Australia any ‘churchies’ (church goers) are usually teased by other kids – I was moderately popular, but even so my friends found it weird and uncomfortable that I was Christian and part of the school prayer group.
Australian’s do not pay lip service to being Christian. We are a particularly irreverent and anti-authoritarian culture, and organised religion does not sit well with many Australians.
Friends do not understand when you explain you can’t meet for coffee Sunday morning because you have church. “Well just go next week,” or “Just skip it” are the common responses. Hanging out with friends, it would be awkward and weird to excuse yourself to take a moment to pray.
I love the fact that with my muslim friends I could say, “I’m just going to go pray for a moment.”
For them religious observance, or at the very least belief in God was taken for granted. Now this has its own pros and cons, but that’s another topic.
I think I also like saying salaams, subhan Allah, mash’Allah, insha’Allah* etc: recognising God in everyday life.
I think Islam also appealed because Christianity often focuses on the warm and fuzzy: with Jesus’ death breaching the gap caused by sin between God and mankind, we focus on the New Testament God as loving Father: close, accessible and having a personal relationship. However what makes all this possible and so amazing are His other characteristics! Almighty Sovereign, Holiest of Judges, His hatred of sin – read the Old Testament and we soon remember this!
To quote Narnia, in which Aslan the lion symbolises God: “He isn’t a tame lion!”
In uni the discussion of Islam changed a little. Muslim friends peppered me with powerpoint presentations of the scientific miracles of the Quran, Ahmed Deedat videos and debates by Muslim apologists. I read the Quran. I fasted Ramdhan (three years in a row!)
I listened to Muslim songs and felt touched by their fervent reverence and love for God. Sami Yusuf’s song and video “Asma’u Allah” (Names of God) brought me to tears. I sang along and ignored the parts praying for Mohammed. I lived in two worlds: Muslim and Christian.
It was when I moved to Germany for 6 months that things geared up. I reached the point where I was ready to accept the possibility of Islam being true. As far as I was concerned this was crunch time. I told only two close Muslim friends back home, and barraged them with questions. I emailed my mother and told her she should be prepared that I might return a Muslim.
And yet I was torn. I prayed, I begged. I read the Bible and Quran. I prayed raka’ah and the Lord’s prayer.
Really I had already made up my mind that I wanted to be Muslim. But my belief in the Truth wouldn’t allow me to convert without complete certainty and absolute conviction. And try as I might there were still little things niggling away. For months I wandered no-mans-land.
The crucifixion was a huge issue. The Islamic explanations just didn’t gel. The common interpretation is that Judas was crucified in the place of Jesus.
My major problem with this idea: God had modified Judas to look like Jesus, allowed/caused him to be crucified, knowing that thousands of people would believe Jesus had been crucified. Knowing that lies would be spread that Jesus had died and come alive again. Knowing this very point would form the foundation of the biggest religion in decades to come. That today millions, if not billions of people would be flowing a lie because of what had essentially been deception. Because after all if I took someone and gave them plastic surgery to absolutely resemble you, and then in front of many witnesses, including friends and family – executed you, causing your friends and family to believe you are dead: is that not deception? Am I not deceiving those people and causing them to believe a falsehood?
I felt none of the explanations were satisfactory.
My work with refugees/asylum seekers/human rights and a general multicultural interest brought me in contact with many arabs and muslims. At uni I met a bunch of Omanis, and soon some of my closest friends were from the Arabian gulf.
Their culture felt like home to me in a way- in many ways because it actually reinforced Christian values which are so lacking in Australian society – family, respect, etc.
My family doesn’t really drink, neither my mum or my dad (who came to Australia when he was 12) fitted typical Australian mould. For me the Australian pub/beer/footy/rock’n’roll culture always felt so foreign.
As a kid growing up in Australia any ‘churchies’ (church goers) are usually teased by other kids – I was moderately popular, but even so my friends found it weird and uncomfortable that I was Christian and part of the school prayer group.
Australian’s do not pay lip service to being Christian. We are a particularly irreverent and anti-authoritarian culture, and organised religion does not sit well with many Australians.
Friends do not understand when you explain you can’t meet for coffee Sunday morning because you have church. “Well just go next week,” or “Just skip it” are the common responses. Hanging out with friends, it would be awkward and weird to excuse yourself to take a moment to pray.
I love the fact that with my muslim friends I could say, “I’m just going to go pray for a moment.”
For them religious observance, or at the very least belief in God was taken for granted. Now this has its own pros and cons, but that’s another topic.
I think I also like saying salaams, subhan Allah, mash’Allah, insha’Allah* etc: recognising God in everyday life.
I think Islam also appealed because Christianity often focuses on the warm and fuzzy: with Jesus’ death breaching the gap caused by sin between God and mankind, we focus on the New Testament God as loving Father: close, accessible and having a personal relationship. However what makes all this possible and so amazing are His other characteristics! Almighty Sovereign, Holiest of Judges, His hatred of sin – read the Old Testament and we soon remember this!
To quote Narnia, in which Aslan the lion symbolises God: “He isn’t a tame lion!”
In uni the discussion of Islam changed a little. Muslim friends peppered me with powerpoint presentations of the scientific miracles of the Quran, Ahmed Deedat videos and debates by Muslim apologists. I read the Quran. I fasted Ramdhan (three years in a row!)
I listened to Muslim songs and felt touched by their fervent reverence and love for God. Sami Yusuf’s song and video “Asma’u Allah” (Names of God) brought me to tears. I sang along and ignored the parts praying for Mohammed. I lived in two worlds: Muslim and Christian.
It was when I moved to Germany for 6 months that things geared up. I reached the point where I was ready to accept the possibility of Islam being true. As far as I was concerned this was crunch time. I told only two close Muslim friends back home, and barraged them with questions. I emailed my mother and told her she should be prepared that I might return a Muslim.
And yet I was torn. I prayed, I begged. I read the Bible and Quran. I prayed raka’ah and the Lord’s prayer.
Really I had already made up my mind that I wanted to be Muslim. But my belief in the Truth wouldn’t allow me to convert without complete certainty and absolute conviction. And try as I might there were still little things niggling away. For months I wandered no-mans-land.
The crucifixion was a huge issue. The Islamic explanations just didn’t gel. The common interpretation is that Judas was crucified in the place of Jesus.
My major problem with this idea: God had modified Judas to look like Jesus, allowed/caused him to be crucified, knowing that thousands of people would believe Jesus had been crucified. Knowing that lies would be spread that Jesus had died and come alive again. Knowing this very point would form the foundation of the biggest religion in decades to come. That today millions, if not billions of people would be flowing a lie because of what had essentially been deception. Because after all if I took someone and gave them plastic surgery to absolutely resemble you, and then in front of many witnesses, including friends and family – executed you, causing your friends and family to believe you are dead: is that not deception? Am I not deceiving those people and causing them to believe a falsehood?
I felt none of the explanations were satisfactory.
I decided that this key point: Jesus’ crucifixion, meant that I was not, and could not be Muslim.
But I wasn’t a satisfied Christian!
I returned to Australia.
Attending church I cringed at the frequent use of Jesus’ name and constant focus on Jesus: where was God I wondered? I hated the word “trinity” and flinched when I heard Jesus described as “the Son of God.”
In hindsight, growing up I had probably never thought about the trinity much or the concept of Jesus divinity and humanity- it is constantly called a “mystery” and far too many Christians find it to hard to think about in depth and so just ignore it. Or use simple analogies of eggs without really understanding what we are saying.
So I started out simple: Is Jesus divine? I knew the scriptures and had seen/read many Muslim analysis of the New Testament stating that Jesus did not actually claim to be divine.
Here are just a few on the verses I found relevant:
John 17:5 “and now, Father, glorify me in your prescence with the glory I had with you before the world began.”
John 14:9 “Anyone who has seen me has seen the father.”
Jesus’ “I AM statements”:
I am the bread of life (Jhn 6.35)
I am the light of the world (Jhn 8.12)
I am the good shepherd/gate for the sheep (Jhn 10.7)
I am the resurrection and the life (Jhn 11.25)
I am the way, the truth and the life (Jhn 14.6)
I am the true vine (Jhn 15.1)
John 8:58 “before Abraham was born, I AM.”
Beyond the fact that Jesus is claiming to have existed before Abraham is the fact the Jews and religious leaders interpreted this as claiming to be God (blasphemy) due to God calling Himself “I AM” in the Old Testament.
Also interesting was the fact Jesus:
• Passed judgement (John 5:22)
• Forgave sins (Mark 2:5-22)
• Allowed people to worship him and call him God
I find John 5:19 especially interesting: “I tell you the truth, the Son can do nothing without by himself; he can do only what he sees his Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son does also.”
If Jesus does everything God does, and nothing that God does not – then how is Jesus separate/not God?
I came to believe that the Bible shows that Jesus is God, or at least claimed to be God (no this is not the same as “son of God.”)
At the same time Jesus is also shown to be human, and a “Son of Man” as he frequently calls himself. Muslims often highlight that Jesus prayed (e.g Matthew 26:39) and worshipped God. He also stated that “By myself I can do nothing.”
So why did Jesus pray to God? Why did he worship him? And why (as a man) was he powerless?
I think this hinges on the concept that Jesus was both man and God. In essence he had a ‘human nature’ and a ‘divine nature.’ As such his human nature was inferior and subject to God and the divine nature. So as a Son of MAN he paid homage to the Divine.
Philipians 2:1-11 says Jesus “did not grasp equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very (form of) a servant.”
Hebrews 1 also mentions this.
But I wasn’t a satisfied Christian!
I returned to Australia.
Attending church I cringed at the frequent use of Jesus’ name and constant focus on Jesus: where was God I wondered? I hated the word “trinity” and flinched when I heard Jesus described as “the Son of God.”
In hindsight, growing up I had probably never thought about the trinity much or the concept of Jesus divinity and humanity- it is constantly called a “mystery” and far too many Christians find it to hard to think about in depth and so just ignore it. Or use simple analogies of eggs without really understanding what we are saying.
So I started out simple: Is Jesus divine? I knew the scriptures and had seen/read many Muslim analysis of the New Testament stating that Jesus did not actually claim to be divine.
Here are just a few on the verses I found relevant:
John 17:5 “and now, Father, glorify me in your prescence with the glory I had with you before the world began.”
John 14:9 “Anyone who has seen me has seen the father.”
Jesus’ “I AM statements”:
I am the bread of life (Jhn 6.35)
I am the light of the world (Jhn 8.12)
I am the good shepherd/gate for the sheep (Jhn 10.7)
I am the resurrection and the life (Jhn 11.25)
I am the way, the truth and the life (Jhn 14.6)
I am the true vine (Jhn 15.1)
John 8:58 “before Abraham was born, I AM.”
Beyond the fact that Jesus is claiming to have existed before Abraham is the fact the Jews and religious leaders interpreted this as claiming to be God (blasphemy) due to God calling Himself “I AM” in the Old Testament.
Also interesting was the fact Jesus:
• Passed judgement (John 5:22)
• Forgave sins (Mark 2:5-22)
• Allowed people to worship him and call him God
I find John 5:19 especially interesting: “I tell you the truth, the Son can do nothing without by himself; he can do only what he sees his Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son does also.”
If Jesus does everything God does, and nothing that God does not – then how is Jesus separate/not God?
I came to believe that the Bible shows that Jesus is God, or at least claimed to be God (no this is not the same as “son of God.”)
At the same time Jesus is also shown to be human, and a “Son of Man” as he frequently calls himself. Muslims often highlight that Jesus prayed (e.g Matthew 26:39) and worshipped God. He also stated that “By myself I can do nothing.”
So why did Jesus pray to God? Why did he worship him? And why (as a man) was he powerless?
I think this hinges on the concept that Jesus was both man and God. In essence he had a ‘human nature’ and a ‘divine nature.’ As such his human nature was inferior and subject to God and the divine nature. So as a Son of MAN he paid homage to the Divine.
Philipians 2:1-11 says Jesus “did not grasp equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very (form of) a servant.”
Hebrews 1 also mentions this.
This concept of Jesus having a human and divine nature- sounds like a schizophrenic person, right! Or personality disorder!
The fact is Jesus as God and Man is inconceivable. Jesus and God “the Father” (another term I dislike) as being one God is also very difficult.
I came to realise that for me Jesus’ divinity is only one of the many things about God that is impossible to fully understand. It is the same as eternity. Or the concept of omnipotence, or omniscience. As soon we ponder these concepts our minds boggle- it is the same as the concept of a fourth dimension in space. Or black holes, antimatter, parallel universe or time travel (which is theoretically possible) and other scientific theories, many of which are understood to be true or ‘fact’ but not ‘representable’.
These things are hard to conceptualise simply because it is not possible in our human world. But then God is above and beyond human limitations. In a world where everything , when you go back far enough, has a beginning, and everything is finite, God is without beginning or end!! He is infinite!
As I came to these conclusions over many months I was slowly building up my beliefs – out of ‘proof,’ certainty and severe questioning. Even then I would rigorously test Christian claims, always playing the devils advocate and doubting everything.
I came to realise that for me Jesus’ divinity is only one of the many things about God that is impossible to fully understand. It is the same as eternity. Or the concept of omnipotence, or omniscience. As soon we ponder these concepts our minds boggle- it is the same as the concept of a fourth dimension in space. Or black holes, antimatter, parallel universe or time travel (which is theoretically possible) and other scientific theories, many of which are understood to be true or ‘fact’ but not ‘representable’.
These things are hard to conceptualise simply because it is not possible in our human world. But then God is above and beyond human limitations. In a world where everything , when you go back far enough, has a beginning, and everything is finite, God is without beginning or end!! He is infinite!
As I came to these conclusions over many months I was slowly building up my beliefs – out of ‘proof,’ certainty and severe questioning. Even then I would rigorously test Christian claims, always playing the devils advocate and doubting everything.
By then I was convinced that a) Jesus was crucified and b)Jesus was God.
However to further strengthen both of these ideas I started to really look into the Bible. Islam claims t has been changed/modified/corrupted over time, something I too had accepted at one point.
I won’t go into this in great detail but suffice to say historians support the Bible as a historical source and Jesus’ crucifixion.
The Old Testament is considered highly scared by Jews, and the copying/transmission of the Torah/Tanakh was guarded closely. There are numerous Old Testament prophecies about Jesus, his resurrection and his birth. Many of these were found in the Qurum scrolls. Some scrolls dated 100 years before Jesus was born, which negates any allegation prophecies had been inserted afterward. Secondly why would the Jews (who did not believe Jesus was the Messiah, modify or insert messianic prophecies to support him?
The scrolls also showed how modern versions of the Old Testament were highly accurate.
As for the New Testament: Historical sources (Josephus, Tacitus, ancient letters etc) support the story of Jesus’ crucifixion (or someone who was believed to be him), they state that he claimed to be God and his followers believed him to be such.
The New Testament is the most corroborated of any ancient text in the world. Historian’s measure this by time elapsed between the originals and the earliest known copies and number of copies, and the New Testament beats all other writings (such as Caesars writings, Plato and other ‘accepted’ historical writings) on all counts.
What’s more early Christians (such as Clement of Rome) quoted the gospels in their letters, many of which survive today. These scripture quoted in these letters (written in the same lifetime as Gospels) is the same as we have today.
Lastly, there is logic:
Many, if not most, of the disciples and biblical writers were martyred for their beliefs. If they were lying then why would they dye to support a lie?
If the Bible was corrupted/modified (either New or Old testament) would the Jews and Christians not say something? I’m not saying over the centuries a word hasn’t been changed , but if new doctrines were introduced or facts changed significantly people would notice!
Gospels were written at different times, by different people and yet match each other. The gospels were circulated among early Christians who did not contradict or say they were false.
So what does this leave me: A Christian I guess.
Back to where I started in many ways – but I often feel almost like a Muslim who converted to Christianity! After all there was a time I doubted the crucifixion, doubted the veracity of the Bible, doubted that Jesus was God, believed he was only a prophet and believed Mohammed was a prophet.
Having tried to discredit my own religion time and time again I found that it withstood all testing. That it emerged as Truth. It is on this basis that I believe.
I won’t go into this in great detail but suffice to say historians support the Bible as a historical source and Jesus’ crucifixion.
The Old Testament is considered highly scared by Jews, and the copying/transmission of the Torah/Tanakh was guarded closely. There are numerous Old Testament prophecies about Jesus, his resurrection and his birth. Many of these were found in the Qurum scrolls. Some scrolls dated 100 years before Jesus was born, which negates any allegation prophecies had been inserted afterward. Secondly why would the Jews (who did not believe Jesus was the Messiah, modify or insert messianic prophecies to support him?
The scrolls also showed how modern versions of the Old Testament were highly accurate.
As for the New Testament: Historical sources (Josephus, Tacitus, ancient letters etc) support the story of Jesus’ crucifixion (or someone who was believed to be him), they state that he claimed to be God and his followers believed him to be such.
The New Testament is the most corroborated of any ancient text in the world. Historian’s measure this by time elapsed between the originals and the earliest known copies and number of copies, and the New Testament beats all other writings (such as Caesars writings, Plato and other ‘accepted’ historical writings) on all counts.
What’s more early Christians (such as Clement of Rome) quoted the gospels in their letters, many of which survive today. These scripture quoted in these letters (written in the same lifetime as Gospels) is the same as we have today.
Lastly, there is logic:
Many, if not most, of the disciples and biblical writers were martyred for their beliefs. If they were lying then why would they dye to support a lie?
If the Bible was corrupted/modified (either New or Old testament) would the Jews and Christians not say something? I’m not saying over the centuries a word hasn’t been changed , but if new doctrines were introduced or facts changed significantly people would notice!
Gospels were written at different times, by different people and yet match each other. The gospels were circulated among early Christians who did not contradict or say they were false.
So what does this leave me: A Christian I guess.
Back to where I started in many ways – but I often feel almost like a Muslim who converted to Christianity! After all there was a time I doubted the crucifixion, doubted the veracity of the Bible, doubted that Jesus was God, believed he was only a prophet and believed Mohammed was a prophet.
Having tried to discredit my own religion time and time again I found that it withstood all testing. That it emerged as Truth. It is on this basis that I believe.
Lastly, where does that leave Islam for me?
I have never set out to ‘disprove’ Islam. In many ways it is not possible. There is nothing to corrobate historically – Mohammed’s biography is known and accepted, and really it not relevant to proving or disproving the Quran. Most people would agree the Quran has not been changed either. The challenges levelled at the Bible so not apply to the Quran.
The only question about Islam is, was the Quran the direct message of God?
Because Christianity stand every test then I came to conclude the Quran cannot be God’s message. They contradict too much, not least over Jesus’ death and resurrection.
Salvation is vastly different in Christianity and Islam.
In Islam salvation is based on your good deeds. To me the judgement always seemed a bit arbitrary.
If we take the view that we are all sinful and God is indeed holy, and hates sin, then I find it hard to accept that such a holy judge would “overlook” sin when judging us.
It is like a murder/criminal being let off because he gives money to charity and is kind to animals. Even if he does many good deeds, the honest Judge will not overlook his crimes. I do not believe sin is cancelled out by good deeds.
So then why does Islam appeal so much? And what about the miracles of the Quran?
I think I mentioned why Islam appeals earlier on in this post. It is in many ways like Judaism – I think it strikes a chord with its focus of piousness and reverent view of God. For many western Christians we see Muslims as maintaining moral standards westerners have lost. The ritual nature of Islam appeals to human nature- it feels tangible. I think as humans we gravitate to habits and rituals too. I mentioned I was drawn to hijab. But I don’t have to be Muslim to cover. Covering has origins much older than Islam. I don’t have to be Muslim to abstain from alcohol or fast. These too have far older origins. For many westerners there is also a strong cultural attraction.
Islam also has a lot of truth in it – I don’t think so many people would follow it if it didn’t. The Quran includes ayat* similar to verses in the Bible, and even hadith* similar to the Talmud. The belief of tawhid*, despite Jesus’ Christianity is still central to all Abrahamic faith: “Shema Yisrael Adonia Eloihenu Adonai Echad*” (Hear Oh Israel the Lord your God is One Lord)
Because Christianity stand every test then I came to conclude the Quran cannot be God’s message. They contradict too much, not least over Jesus’ death and resurrection.
Salvation is vastly different in Christianity and Islam.
In Islam salvation is based on your good deeds. To me the judgement always seemed a bit arbitrary.
If we take the view that we are all sinful and God is indeed holy, and hates sin, then I find it hard to accept that such a holy judge would “overlook” sin when judging us.
It is like a murder/criminal being let off because he gives money to charity and is kind to animals. Even if he does many good deeds, the honest Judge will not overlook his crimes. I do not believe sin is cancelled out by good deeds.
So then why does Islam appeal so much? And what about the miracles of the Quran?
I think I mentioned why Islam appeals earlier on in this post. It is in many ways like Judaism – I think it strikes a chord with its focus of piousness and reverent view of God. For many western Christians we see Muslims as maintaining moral standards westerners have lost. The ritual nature of Islam appeals to human nature- it feels tangible. I think as humans we gravitate to habits and rituals too. I mentioned I was drawn to hijab. But I don’t have to be Muslim to cover. Covering has origins much older than Islam. I don’t have to be Muslim to abstain from alcohol or fast. These too have far older origins. For many westerners there is also a strong cultural attraction.
Islam also has a lot of truth in it – I don’t think so many people would follow it if it didn’t. The Quran includes ayat* similar to verses in the Bible, and even hadith* similar to the Talmud. The belief of tawhid*, despite Jesus’ Christianity is still central to all Abrahamic faith: “Shema Yisrael Adonia Eloihenu Adonai Echad*” (Hear Oh Israel the Lord your God is One Lord)
Learning about Islam comes as a shock to many Christians because most western Christians, who know little about Islam, have the general idea of Islam as a blasphemous ungodly religion based on a evil false prophet, whom many also label a paedophile. Haram!
Most people who have really studied Islam will realise this is not the case. I saw that Mohammed was a man who lived a moral life and was not a liar or deceiver. I saw the Quran honoured God in many ways and agreed with the Bible in many ways. I saw that there were ‘signs’ within the Quran which was recited by an illiterate man. These are the things which made me turn to Islam.
I cannot explain everything away. I do not believe Mohammed was a prophet of God but I do not believe he lied and forged a religion. I think he was misled for the Bible tells us Satan can appear like “an angel of light.” I think he honestly believed it was the angel Gabriel who appeared to him, and God revealing the Quran. In regards to the miracles contained in the Quran, the Bible also tells us that it was not only God’s prophets who are able to perform great signs and miracles. The N.T tells us ‘false prohets’ will do great wonders and the magicians in Pharoah’s court were able to do many of the same miracles as Moses. Indeed other religions also contain prophecies and signs within their holy scriptures – in which case if this were the only consideration that would all be proved ‘true.'
This is what I have found, over a period of a year and a half or more. God's promise that if you seek the truth you shall find it proved true. But the secret is to search for the truth without agenda or bias, which is surprisingly hard! Too often we search to validate what we want the truth to be.
I hope noone, whatever religion is offended by this post. It is merely an account of my journery and what I believe to be the truth, but I understand if you disagree, you are perfectly entitled to do so! :)
Even if you disagree, feel free to make your own comments!
peace and blessings!
Salaams (salaam alaykum) = peace by upon you
Subhan’Allah = means God is glorious, but literally means God is void, from the Quranic 'God is void of all evil.' Mash’Allah = Literally means ‘God has willed it’ and is used to exclaim praise.
Insh’Allah = God willing
Ayat= verses in the Quran
Hadith = sayings of Mohammed
Tawhid = the concept of ‘oneness’ of God – la illaha ilallah (that there is no God but God)
shema = ‘The Shema’ – commandment made in Deut 6:4
Salaams (salaam alaykum) = peace by upon you
Subhan’Allah = means God is glorious, but literally means God is void, from the Quranic 'God is void of all evil.' Mash’Allah = Literally means ‘God has willed it’ and is used to exclaim praise.
Insh’Allah = God willing
Ayat= verses in the Quran
Hadith = sayings of Mohammed
Tawhid = the concept of ‘oneness’ of God – la illaha ilallah (that there is no God but God)
shema = ‘The Shema’ – commandment made in Deut 6:4
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
(in)visible God?
I feel you beside me,
Invisible, I cant see
You. But You are there,
from the happiest moments,
to the depths of my despair.
I feel you behind me,
Invisible, I can’t see
You standing firm and tall.
Strong enough to bear my burdens,
ready to catch me as I fall
I feel you accompany me,
Invisible, I can’t see
You follow when I turn away.
Knowing I’ll come back
waiting for me to seek you again
I feel you embrace me,
Invisible, I can’t see
Your arms, But I feel their warmth.
Comforting me when I cry,
sheltering me from the storm.
I feel you speak to me,
Invisible, I can’t see
You talk. But I hear your voice.
As we walk I hear you whisper,
guiding me to the right choice
I feel you love me,
Invisible, I can’t see
You, like gravity or air
(How do I know you exist?)
There is no life without you,
That is how I know you’re there.
Invisible, I cant see
You. But You are there,
from the happiest moments,
to the depths of my despair.
I feel you behind me,
Invisible, I can’t see
You standing firm and tall.
Strong enough to bear my burdens,
ready to catch me as I fall
I feel you accompany me,
Invisible, I can’t see
You follow when I turn away.
Knowing I’ll come back
waiting for me to seek you again
I feel you embrace me,
Invisible, I can’t see
Your arms, But I feel their warmth.
Comforting me when I cry,
sheltering me from the storm.
I feel you speak to me,
Invisible, I can’t see
You talk. But I hear your voice.
As we walk I hear you whisper,
guiding me to the right choice
I feel you love me,
Invisible, I can’t see
You, like gravity or air
(How do I know you exist?)
There is no life without you,
That is how I know you’re there.
Monday, April 5, 2010
Christian hijab & head covering - how to explain it?!
Well boys and girls, today i have 'hijab on the brain'.. or rather around it *groan* bad joke..
I recently found a whole sleuth of mostly Christian hijabis and even niqabis on blogs! Here are some of them:
Heather @ Non-Muslim Niqabi
Amber @ Little Steps Home
Amber @ Little Steps Home
Stacy @ Layla Land
Sanil @ Barei Lev
Wow it really is mind-blowing to think that there are so many! I think of my scarf more as head covering than hijab, partly to differentiate to my muslim friends although i’m sure they all refer to me as “muhajaba” (someone who wears hijab) between themselves.
While covering for the Christian faith has a whole new dimension and is immensely encouraging, I always cheer on the non-Christian hijab/head coverers as well, mostly because I think it takes guts. And I believe it is the height of feminism (although I don’t consider myself a feminist) to wear what you want just because you want to!! Isn’t that freedom ladies?! I really believe even if I didn’t have religious reasons for covering, I should be able to simply because I like it! It makes me happy!
I generally don’t wear a hijab style but sometimes (not when it’s hot!!) I just want to swathe myself in material! Especially soft soft pretty scarves! Sadly, more often than not I don’t, unless i’m chilling at a muslim girlfriends house or at home, in the Middle east or somewhere random.
Maybe I’m too worried about people thinking I’m Muslim or that I’m a half-muslim Christian! The reason is I’m so proud of my faith and I want to be a witness for Christ! I also don’t want people to misunderstand my reasons for covering. . I think I’ve forgotten to mention my other reason, when I explain the biblical and religion reasons: because I just want to!!
I’ve never been able to master the two-minute answer to “why do you wear that on your head?” especially to aetheists/random aussies who I don’t know well. What do you head covering ladies say? What is the “quick answer?” (it’s especially hard for non-muslim coverers!!)
Generally Christian reasons are as follows:
- Head covering in prayer
- Modesty (especially for married women)
- An outer sign of faith and modesty
- Head covering in prayer
- Modesty (especially for married women)
- An outer sign of faith and modesty
Have I missed any? Do any of you ladies have any other reasons??
Of course there are times when I don’t want to, or I feel an urge to dress up sexy with my hair all done and looking great! And it is during these times especially that my religious reasons are important.
I’ll be honest (and a little boastful) - since I was a kid my aunties, and various people would tell me I have nice hair. At the moment its quite long too. Don’t get me wrong there are times when I have horrible hair and I think it’s hideous! But sometimes it looks great and I just wish I could show it off! And yet when women see my hair on the odd occasion and say “oh you have such pretty hair” I feel shy, rather than boastful, and feel more convicted to cover. hmmmm
Sometimes when I’m getting ready, say for a dinner, a wedding etc and I’m already and my head cover is the last thing to go on, I think, “Is this ridiculous?” or “what’s the big deal? It’s just hair, I should leave it off!” More often than not my face will look nicer with my hair out! Or I think, what is the purpose of dressing up, trying to look nice, if I’m covering my hair?
Lately I have relaxed a little- before I would always cover my hair around men. But there are some situations when I felt it was silly to cover.
Like when a family friend would drop by and I would walk into the room unaware. Or to answer the door to a man. Or go out to collect the mail and have a male neighbour strike up a conversation over the fence.
Rushing out of the room to grab a head covering or quickly pulling something over my head just doesn’t work. Where possible I will make sure I am covered, but in this situation worrying that a man had seen my hair seemed over the top. It’s not a sin (as far as I’m concerned) and acting as if he has just seen you starkers only makes the situation tense and uncomfortable! Not to mention many of these people have known me my whole life!
Likewise swimming at the beach with a head cover just didn’t work. I have lost countless bandanas that way. I wear shorts/tshirt and keep it as modest as possible – but I just had to accept that beach dress has to differ due to practicalities.
Also whenever I am in an awkward situation (eg trying to keep all covered up at the beach ) I feel I attract MORE attention. What would be accepted as normal and not given a second glance by friends or family suddenly becomes a big deal when I act as though seeing my hair or knees is like seeing me in a bikini. Do you know what I mean? It reminds me of the ultra-conservative nations like Saudi-arabia cause even hands/ankles to become sexualised.
I have been thinking I will probably become a little bit more steady in covering when I am married – I feel like then it gives more gravity to reasons of modesty, and people seem to understand the concept of modesty better when you are married.
just some thoughts.. what say you ladies (or gents!)
P.S As I was writing this I noticed a post on the Barei Lev blog talking about this very thing, titled "Looking Like a Muslim" - it's a great post with some equally great comments.. and I think is going to inspire me to be more bold in wearing WHAT I want WHERE I want!
I'll let you know how it goes!
Much love, Pamela
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Freckles!
It’s funny how urban myths and legends are sometimes so ingrained, that despite travelling and gainng an education, we still bring with us, and perpetuate, some of the most ludicrous and seemingly obvious ideas!
I find such cultural/national myths often they centre on rulers of countries – e.g So-and-so was well over 100 when he died.. or he was the richest man who ever lived, or something more mythical and far-fetched. There is always a drive to exegerate, embellish and glorify!
These cultural beliefs are staunchly defended as something they “know” to be truth they have always 'heard' it or been told by someone who has definitive proof, whose name, they have unfortunately forgotten.
A funny example of this the common misunderstanding about freckles. Many of my khaleeji friends have asked me about my freckles (bear in mind these are well-traveled people who are studying at Australian universities, some of whom also speak English at home with their families and are very 'western')..
Conversation is often as follows:
“Why do only some western people have freckles, when you get them from eating pork? (and all westerners eat pork)”
"No, you don’t get freckles from eating pork" (heck you only need to look at the Chinese to prove this!)
“Are you sure, because I heard it’s eating pork that gives you freckles.”
(Anything you “hear” back home is automatically honest-to-God truth.)
“Why don’t you remove them?”
(Sure I’ll just ring up Michael Jackson’s plastic surgery)
“You mean you weren’t born with them?!” (Surprised expression)
"Yup. We get them from exposure to the sun – it’s pigmentation."
“Oh. Then why do you go in the sun? If you stop going in the sun, you won’t get them”
At this point I explain that if you are genetically the sort of person to get freckles (e.g white skin, red hair etc), then short of living in a windowless room all your life, or wearing niqab and abaya 24/7 then you will get freckles.
The first few times I had this conversation, and the assumption that I should "get rid of them" sure didn't boost the old ego! Especially as I teenager I hated the fact I couldn't tan, and tried all sota of tanning products from lotion to fake tan.. yes I was occaisonally mildly orange!!
At the end if all else fails I shrug, and say "Well, this is how God made me".. and thankfully middle eastern culture doesn't leave much room for retorts to that one!!
The other funny thing about skin is the gulf pre-occupation with blemishes on women.
If my friends injure themselves (mildly) they will go to doctors to have any mark/scar removed asap! Cooking with friends, if any of the girls have a drop of oil land on them, they will anxiously examine themselves to ensure it won’t leave a mark.. in contrast many of my male friends will proudly exhibit their battle scars from various soccer games, car accidents etc.
I have very few scars, and I remember once having a red mark fading from a cut on my hand.. a friend of mine saw it and said gravely, “Why don’t you have that mark removed?”
My gulf pals will often look at a scar/mark with the same consternation that you would view a potentially malignant skin cancer. “You should really get that treated!”
The logic behind this? The idea that these are “blemishes” on the otherwise flawless woman’s skin- detracting from her beauty (and therefore her appeal to a future or current husband.)
The idea of a prize cow up for inspection comes to mind :S But... “To each their own!”
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