(in)visible God?

I feel you beside me,
Invisible, I cant see
You. But You are there,
from the happiest moments,
to the depths of my despair.

I feel you behind me,
Invisible, I can’t see
You standing firm and tall.
Strong enough to bear my burdens,
ready to catch me as I fall

I feel you accompany me,
Invisible, I can’t see
You follow when I turn away.
Knowing I’ll come back
waiting for me to seek you again

I feel you embrace me,
Invisible, I can’t see
Your arms, But I feel their warmth.
Comforting me when I cry,
sheltering me from the storm.

I feel you speak to me,
Invisible, I can’t see
You talk. But I hear your voice.
As we walk I hear you whisper,
guiding me to the right choice

I feel you love me,
Invisible, I can’t see
You, like gravity or air
(How do I know you exist?)
There is no life without you,
That is how I know you’re there.

Christian hijab & head covering - how to explain it?!

Well boys and girls, today i have 'hijab on the brain'.. or rather around it *groan* bad joke..

I recently found a whole sleuth of mostly Christian hijabis and even niqabis on blogs! Here are some of them:

Heather @ Non-Muslim Niqabi
Amber @ Little Steps Home

Stacy @ Layla Land

Sanil @ Barei Lev

Wow it really is mind-blowing to think that there are so many! I think of my scarf more as head covering than hijab, partly to differentiate to my muslim friends although i’m sure they all refer to me as “muhajaba” (someone who wears hijab) between themselves.

While covering for the Christian faith has a whole new dimension and is immensely encouraging, I always cheer on the non-Christian hijab/head coverers as well, mostly because I think it takes guts. And I believe it is the height of feminism (although I don’t consider myself a feminist) to wear what you want just because you want to!! Isn’t that freedom ladies?! I really believe even if I didn’t have religious reasons for covering, I should be able to simply because I like it! It makes me happy!

I generally don’t wear a hijab style but sometimes (not when it’s hot!!) I just want to swathe myself in material! Especially soft soft pretty scarves! Sadly, more often than not I don’t, unless i’m chilling at a muslim girlfriends house or at home, in the Middle east or somewhere random.
Maybe I’m too worried about people thinking I’m Muslim or that I’m a half-muslim Christian! The reason is I’m so proud of my faith and I want to be a witness for Christ! I also don’t want people to misunderstand my reasons for covering. . I think I’ve forgotten to mention my other reason, when I explain the biblical and religion reasons: because I just want to!!

I’ve never been able to master the two-minute answer to “why do you wear that on your head?” especially to aetheists/random aussies who I don’t know well. What do you head covering ladies say? What is the “quick answer?” (it’s especially hard for non-muslim coverers!!)

Generally Christian reasons are as follows:
- Head covering in prayer
- Modesty (especially for married women)
- An outer sign of faith and modesty

Have I missed any? Do any of you ladies have any other reasons??

Of course there are times when I don’t want to, or I feel an urge to dress up sexy with my hair all done and looking great! And it is during these times especially that my religious reasons are important.

I’ll be honest (and a little boastful) - since I was a kid my aunties, and various people would tell me I have nice hair. At the moment its quite long too. Don’t get me wrong there are times when I have horrible hair and I think it’s hideous! But sometimes it looks great and I just wish I could show it off! And yet when women see my hair on the odd occasion and say “oh you have such pretty hair” I feel shy, rather than boastful, and feel more convicted to cover. hmmmm

Sometimes when I’m getting ready, say for a dinner, a wedding etc and I’m already and my head cover is the last thing to go on, I think, “Is this ridiculous?” or “what’s the big deal? It’s just hair, I should leave it off!” More often than not my face will look nicer with my hair out! Or I think, what is the purpose of dressing up, trying to look nice, if I’m covering my hair?

Lately I have relaxed a little- before I would always cover my hair around men. But there are some situations when I felt it was silly to cover.
Like when a family friend would drop by and I would walk into the room unaware. Or to answer the door to a man. Or go out to collect the mail and have a male neighbour strike up a conversation over the fence.
Rushing out of the room to grab a head covering or quickly pulling something over my head just doesn’t work. Where possible I will make sure I am covered, but in this situation worrying that a man had seen my hair seemed over the top. It’s not a sin (as far as I’m concerned) and acting as if he has just seen you starkers only makes the situation tense and uncomfortable! Not to mention many of these people have known me my whole life!

Likewise swimming at the beach with a head cover just didn’t work. I have lost countless bandanas that way. I wear shorts/tshirt and keep it as modest as possible – but I just had to accept that beach dress has to differ due to practicalities.
Also whenever I am in an awkward situation (eg trying to keep all covered up at the beach ) I feel I attract MORE attention. What would be accepted as normal and not given a second glance by friends or family suddenly becomes a big deal when I act as though seeing my hair or knees is like seeing me in a bikini. Do you know what I mean? It reminds me of the ultra-conservative nations like Saudi-arabia cause even hands/ankles to become sexualised.

I have been thinking I will probably become a little bit more steady in covering when I am married – I feel like then it gives more gravity to reasons of modesty, and people seem to understand the concept of modesty better when you are married.

just some thoughts.. what say you ladies (or gents!)

P.S As I was writing this I noticed a post on the Barei Lev blog talking about this very thing, titled "Looking Like a Muslim" - it's a great post with some equally great comments.. and I think is going to inspire me to be more bold in wearing WHAT I want WHERE I want!

I'll let you know how it goes!

Much love, Pamela

Freckles!

It’s funny how urban myths and legends are sometimes so ingrained, that despite travelling and gainng an education, we still bring with us, and perpetuate, some of the most ludicrous and seemingly obvious ideas!
I find such cultural/national myths often they centre on rulers of countries – e.g So-and-so was well over 100 when he died.. or he was the richest man who ever lived, or something more mythical and far-fetched. There is always a drive to exegerate, embellish and glorify!

These cultural beliefs are staunchly defended as something they “know” to be truth they have always 'heard' it or been told by someone who has definitive proof, whose name, they have unfortunately forgotten.

A funny example of this the common misunderstanding about freckles. Many of my khaleeji friends have asked me about my freckles (bear in mind these are well-traveled people who are studying at Australian universities, some of whom also speak English at home with their families and are very 'western')..

Conversation is often as follows:

“Why do only some western people have freckles, when you get them from eating pork? (and all westerners eat pork)”
"No, you don’t get freckles from eating pork" (heck you only need to look at the Chinese to prove this!)

“Are you sure, because I heard it’s eating pork that gives you freckles.”
(Anything you “hear” back home is automatically honest-to-God truth.)

“Why don’t you remove them?”
(Sure I’ll just ring up Michael Jackson’s plastic surgery) "I can’t... they’re on my skin, it’s my skin colour. You get them from the sun."

“You mean you weren’t born with them?!” (Surprised expression)
"Yup. We get them from exposure to the sun – it’s pigmentation."

“Oh. Then why do you go in the sun? If you stop going in the sun, you won’t get them”

At this point I explain that if you are genetically the sort of person to get freckles (e.g white skin, red hair etc), then short of living in a windowless room all your life, or wearing niqab and abaya 24/7 then you will get freckles.

The first few times I had this conversation, and the assumption that I should "get rid of them" sure didn't boost the old ego! Especially as I teenager I hated the fact I couldn't tan, and tried all sota of tanning products from lotion to fake tan.. yes I was occaisonally mildly orange!!

At the end if all else fails I shrug, and say "Well, this is how God made me".. and thankfully middle eastern culture doesn't leave much room for retorts to that one!!

The other funny thing about skin is the gulf pre-occupation with blemishes on women.
If my friends injure themselves (mildly) they will go to doctors to have any mark/scar removed asap! Cooking with friends, if any of the girls have a drop of oil land on them, they will anxiously examine themselves to ensure it won’t leave a mark.. in contrast many of my male friends will proudly exhibit their battle scars from various soccer games, car accidents etc.

I have very few scars, and I remember once having a red mark fading from a cut on my hand.. a friend of mine saw it and said gravely, “Why don’t you have that mark removed?”

My gulf pals will often look at a scar/mark with the same consternation that you would view a potentially malignant skin cancer. “You should really get that treated!”

The logic behind this? The idea that these are “blemishes” on the otherwise flawless woman’s skin- detracting from her beauty (and therefore her appeal to a future or current husband.)

The idea of a prize cow up for inspection comes to mind :S But... “To each their own!”

Middle Eastern Marriage Proposals

I guarantee any single woman under 50 (or over, as the case may be!) who lives in the Middle East will receive a marriage during her stay there (or even the first day!). The truth is I have lost count of the number of times I have been asked if I am looking for a husband, want to get married, or told by a man what a wonderful husband he will make.

Some proposals are made jokingly, some off the cuff, some with the expectation of rejection, and some in all sincerity. Some are made by strangers, in shops, at houses and all too often from car windows. Some are made by friends, acquaintances, complete strangers, or on behalf of some nice chap who is in need of a wife. They can be annoying, frustrating, ego boosting, rude or complimentary.

All too often the conversations starts with:
“Are you married?”
Then:
“Do you have a boyfriend/fiancé” or “Do you want to get married.”

(I really must answer that one with “No, actually I’m a lesbian” Or “No, I want to be a spinster and spend my entire life alone” one of these days... just for fun *winks*)
Next it may be:
“What sort of husband do you want?”
or they may move straight on:
“I’m looking for a wife/my friend is looking for a wife”

“Would you marry me?”
And then they try and woo you. Possibilities include:
“I will treat you like a queen if you are my wife.”
“I have my own house, I will get you a maid too.”
“You will have whatever you want if you marry me. I will buy you anything you want”
“If we get married I will be the best husband”
“If we get married you will be free to be a Christian and practice your religion”

(My alltime fav:)

“If we get married we can live here in _____ or if you want we can live in Australia, I don’t mind. I’ll even get the passport if you want.” (Wow, you don’t mind taking Australian residency and even citizenship? Fancy that, how selfless!)

Here are two proposals that come to mind, the first of which was actually in Australia:

Australia:
An Indian friend with a Masters in Engineering – asked me to marry him in Australia so he could get PR. Offered to pay $15,000 and pay for our living costs when we lived together. Promised I would have my own room (i.e wouldn’t have to sleep in the same room/bed as him) and could have ‘boyfriends’ over as I pleased. But to please make sure they’re not around if immigration comes over.

Egypt:
An Egyptian man was an acquaintance of my friend Sameh, and worked part-time as the inofficial taxi driver for his village, Tanton, two hours out of Cairo, ferrying locals in and out of the big city. He had met me once before, when he drove my friend to meet me at the airport. A week and a half later he drove my friend and I to Cairo airport to fly back to Germany. It was the Pentacost holidays, midsemester. break. My flight was at 3am and we arrived around 12 midnight. As we settled in a cafe for a coffee (they were also waiting for our friend who was arriving the same time that I left), the driver (we shall call him Ahmed since I have forgotten his name) tried to chat with me. His English was extremely limited, and my Arabic isn’t very good – especially since I am mostly familiar with the gulf dialect.

Plus my friend Sameh and I talk in German and Arabic, and he speaks no English. Ahmed was earnestly explaining to me that women are like cars. Ahmed is also a sort of unskilled mechanic, he tells me, and ‘understands’ cars .. which apparently meant he has a good understanding of women as well. Drinking my qahwa verrrrrrrrrrrrrry slowly I gave a weak laugh or two, and pretended I couldn’t understand.
After a while Sameh went to check the arrival time for our friends flight (delayed three hours).
Ahmed was chatting away for a while as I barely paid attention when I realised he was asking me to marry him.. !!

Now paying absolute attention I ask him if he does realise I am about to board a plane to GERMANY, where I LIVE, and STUDY at university which resumes in TWO days time.

No problem, he replies, just stay here, don’t take my flight and he’ll take me home.
I imagine his wife’s reaction, when her husband after going off to drive a few locals into the city, “Habibi am just picking up some taxi work.. back in a couple of hours.” And then returns with a random white girl.. “Habibti I’m hooooooooommee. I brought something home from work – here she is!”
Which brings me to my next point: “You are already married!” I tell him. “What about your wife?”
“Oh no, he explains, adamantly, “No no really we've been together for so long she doesn’t like me that much anymore, we're like two old friends.. she'd be happy for me to marry you!”
I politely tell him “No, thanks” and thankfully Sameh arrives back to a crestfallen Ahmed, and a relieved Pamela. I told him later in Germany what had happened and he thought the whole thing was hilarious!

Have you all had any ‘marriage proposals?’ Tell me about them!

Only in Egypt!

Only in Egypt...

Will you see cars and donkeys side by side on the highway.

Taxi drivers will stop theirs cars in the middle of the street and shout directions to each other because one of them is lost.

Taxi drivers will pass things (e.g a mobile phone to each other from their moving cars as they drive on the highway.

Can you see relics and statues, over 2000 years old, in flimsy glass cases at metro stations.

Is it normal for your taxi driver to drive with one hand as he frantically text messages with the other.

Are car head lights at night an unnecessary luxury.

• Is it abnormal NOT to honk.

Can you see a wedding party happening on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere

Can you die from mosquito bites. (well this is an exageration, but trust me it feels like you're being eaten alive!)

Will blondes have to pay more than double the entrance price for any museum, famous sight, etc.

• Will you see a family of five on one moped (father driving with one hand, holding a baby with the other, a kid, the mother and then another kid on the end.)
  

Will you NOT see any traffic lights or functioning traffic control.

Does a can of coke cost 2 times the cost of 250 gm of ma3sal (tobacco.)

Would a man ask me to marry him at the aiport, and try and persuade me last minute, not to go back to germany but to live with him and HIS FIRST WIFE in Egypt. (He was adamant his first wife wouldnt mind, 'No no really we've been together for so long she doesnt like me that much anymore, we're like two old friends.. she'd be happy for me to marry you.')

Will the man at the airport information desk speak NO english.

Will the man at the airport information desk try and scam you into giving him money (I didnt.)

Will a man in the souq come up to a family, and try and convince the father of the benefits of hashish and that it would be a great thing to buy a hashish pipe, not only for himself, but also for his two sons. His sons are 11 and 8.

Will Egyptian people haggle, bargain and try and overprice everything - not just with western tourists but with pretty much all non-egyptians.

Will my 3am flight be delayed 3 hours, until 6 in the morning - and then I will be surrounded by families and children (3 behind me, 2 in front, 2 next to me, 1 diagonal) including 3 babies... all of which (at 6 am the next day) have NOT SLEPT ONE WINK. Naturally as soon as the plane starts to take off and i think I may be able to sleep a couple hours after more than 24 hours without sleep, the kid sitting directly behind me (conveniantly the strongest and biggest) begins to kick the back of my seat. Several small babies and toddlers begin a symphony of hysterical crying, and the other kids start pointing out the window and screaming 'shuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuufffffffff maaaaamaaaaa shuuuuffffffffffffffffffffffffiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.... TAAAAAAAYAAAAAAAARAAAAAAAAA' (LOOK MAMA LOOK, A PLANE!)

P.S Check out the cute mispellings at the local cafe.. every menu sign had some mistake, can you spot them? ;P

Only in Germany

Only in Germany...

• Can I go to the university library cafe at 9 in the morning, and see the girl in front of me buying a beer to drink with her morning pastry.
• Can my friend cross an empty street before the pedestrian light turns green and get called "criminal" by an old lady, screaming that jay-walking is "illegal.
• Will you recieve an 80 euro fine for riding a bycle at night without a lamp, even though your crappy old bicycle only cost 20 euro
• Is it possible for you to park your car in residents only parking on the side of the street at night, and not ONLY recieve a fine but have you car towed away by the police even if you were only parked for 5 minutes.. and have to pay up to 500 euro to get it back.
• Will everyperson buy a ticket on the tram, even if they are going one stop and despite the fact that there are no ticket checkers.. whereas in Australia people consistently fail to buy a ticket for the train even thought there are always train guards/ticket checkers every time.
• Is it impossible to find normal custard in cartons - rather there is an abundance of "vanilla pudding" which you make from a packet, like jelly, and taste's disgusting.
• Is it difficult to find sweet-chilli sauce (which is considered as important as tomato or bbq sauce in Australia.)
• Are there no sausage and egg mcmuffins at Macdonalds.. the only yummy thing at mcdonalds!
• Is there wayyyyyyyyy too much pig products (ham, bacon, pork) and very little cow or sheep - beef costs an arm and a leg.
• Can you drink beer pretty much anywhere (in the streets, on the tram, etc) and smoke everywhere.
• Is there a mini bar with gambling machines in the local supermarket.
• Can you buy beer for 60 cents a can ($1.10? AUD)
• Are dogs allowed everywhere - on buses, trains, in the cafes, in university, in shops - even expensive department stores, heck even the beggars have masses of dogs.
• Will some, at 1 am in the middle of the night, in a small city (200,000 ppl) wait on the side of an absolutely dead-silent deserted street, with noone in sight WAIT UNTIL THE TRAFFIC MAN TURNS GREEN before crossing.
  Is there a lack of good coffee in local cafes. I think good coffee is a sin, right next to jay-walking!

Only in Freiburg: A city of 200,000 in South-West Germany, near the borde of France and Switzerland. It has a high student population, is a wealthy city and is very innovative and environmentally friendly.

Only in Freiburg ... are there more bicycles than people

• Is there a nightclub in the middle of the forrest
• Is there a nightclub at the main train station.
• Do they hold a giant pillow fight in the middle of the night in the middle of the city.
• Are the neighbouring apartment blocks actually part of a hippie commune which has some special autonomy from the government. Said “apartment blocks” are effectively highly decorative, colourful, rubbish-filled giant houses.
• Is the hippy commune next door filled with giant trucks, camper vans, caravans, some of which are attached to make-shift tree houses and to the permanent buildings. They are overrun with children and dogs – none of which seem to belong to anyone person.
• Will you see a tall, punk with a Mohawk and various spiky black leather clothing out walking a goat on a leash. Another neighbour from the hippy commune. (P.S for those of you who complain of neighbours with noisy pets, and dogs that bark- trust me, the goat is worse.)
• Is there an-honest-to-God tepee (like the sort American-indians live in) in your backyard.
  
  

Above:the Tepee, and various trucks/vans

Below a large trcuk parked in front of the building, and a broken ship forming a play area for children in the background.

Back Again!!

It's official. I am the WORST blogger ever.
Here I am almost A YEAR since my last post.. struggling to remember my password so I can post something!
I could use an excuse... e.g 1. Being a journalist, I am always writing, and blogging on top of everything else is too much.. or 2. It has been a crazy year and it wasn't a priority.. probably a bit of both plus the fact that blogging seems to be very time consuming because I just can't shut up once I start and it takes up half a day just writing one post!

Since I have so much to tell I don’t really know where to start.. so maybe rather than post some mega-long blog and try that doesn’t do justice to anything I’m actually trying to say, i’ll give you a brief run down on the “big stuff” in my life so far, and what I’m going to blog on in future.. sound ok? J
Well I guess the major stuff is that my Dad passed away on August 29, 2009 – although he had bad health it was unexpected, in that he suddenly caught a lung infection, and within two weeks at hospital he had died. He was 69 years old.. I’ll talk about this a little later on, I don’t really have the energy now – i’ve actually got a lot of stuff written down already. It was sad, especially coz we’re still young (I’m 21 and my brothers were 19 and 15) and so he’ll never see us marry, have kids etc.. it was a huge shock but at the same time the Lord really blessed and comforted our family and we coped amazingly well. Mama, my brothers and I are also a lot closer – we really came together as a family, and my brothers have matured a lot. Anyway enough said on that for the moment!
I fell in love!! Can’t talk about it much atm.. suffice to say there is a man (ironically someone I’ve been friends with for two years!) who I had become closer and closer friends with (we’ll call him “S”).. Anyway neither S or I really believe in the whole “dating” concept – going out, living together for years and then either breaking up or getting engaged. He knew I had already ‘given up’ dating and wasn’t looking for a relationship unless it was based on the understanding we would marry. He is of the same mind. So far – boy knows girl, boy loves girl, girl realises she loves boy back – both boy and girl want to marry: sounds perfect right? WRONG! Because boy is Muslim... He is from Emirates (UAE).
This is the tricky part- For us ‘religion’ isn’t a problem, nor is culture. S is still studying here, and I planned to live and work in the Middle East in the future anyway – I know about Islam – from hadith, sunna, beliefs, practices you name it – and culturally I’m fine with Arab people. I speak some Arabic and have always planned to learn it properly. As a Christian he is “allowed” to marry me- he family have given permission and he even has Christian extended family. He would be happy for me to attend church, practice my religion and teach our children about Christianity. However both of us are aware that having different faiths and beliefs, and raising children who will ultimately “choose” one religion, and in doing so, hurt the other parent, would be difficult.Moreover, as a Christian the Bible is clear about being “unequally yoked.”
At first I said there was no way we could be together, then I went to the other extreme and said “I don’t care we’ll make it work.” .. Then I realised it is not my decision to make.. it is God Almighty’s.
I am just trusting in Him to reveal what is right (and wrong) to my heart.
If it is part of His plan for us to marry, and He sanctions this, then I know we will be fine together – if not (and this is hard) we will have to walk away from each other.
The story of Abraham putting God, even before his son, is really meaningful to me right now! But both of us know that God comes first.
Until then we are just .. waiting. .. More on this later

So – I have come back from this long hiatus to talk about death, love and God – and all things serious! However I always want to bring in some new light-hearted blogging!! I have been reading some great blogs, mostly expat blogs, from the Middle East which are just great! Here are a few: Angry in Oman, Susie’s Adventure, Eyes Wide Oman, Delirious in the Desert, to name a few! tThere are also great blogs from locals, that I will link later on! So I’ve been inspired to hunt through some old emails of travel stories from here and there.. and will post them, mixed in with some poems and snippets from life here.. It will be a real rag-bag mix this blog!

Hope you are all well and i know this is really too late but... HAPPY NEW YEARS!
(better late than never right?!)