When He just won’t let us go...

This happened just this week. After a day of hard work and getting (lots!) of study done I went home from university late, checking my diary for tomorrow’s plans before bed. A couple of weeks earlier the International Office at university emailed me, asking me to help out at their stall promoting international exchange (having had studied in Germany.)They asked for volunteers and said if anyone was available to send details of their availability and they would reply with more details. I had written in my diary and had a vague idea it was coming up.

The next morning I woke up in that mood which can only be described as expectation. It was one of those days where everything is possible; the air crackles with the excitement of possibility! I felt so focused. This was it I was going to study like never before, get some chores done and have such a fruitful day! The only problem was that I had no classes and the only thing I had to do was go to uni to help out with the International office stall. Now my uni is 1 ¼ hrs away from homes, so up to 3 hours travel there and back. And even helping out for a couple of hours or so was going to take up a sizeable chunk of my day. As I got ready did a few small things, I realised that they office had never emailed me back (as promised! I thought indignantly.) and I had just assumed the stall would be held on the Oak Lawn, a common place for advertising and holding stalls for clubs and societies. However it could be held in a lecture room or in any number of places.. The idea occurred to me that I could go to uni, only to wander around without knowing where the information day/stall was and end up going home! I tried ringing the office several times (no answer) and rechecked my email (no reply.) By this time I had already procrastinated for a while and the clock hand was edging toward midday. They also usually have enough people for these sort of things and there is a not lot of interest... a few leaflets to hand out, the odd question or two and that’s it; they wouldn’t miss me.
BUT...
That little voice nagged, somewhere in my head: Yes but you did SAY that you’d come down. You didn’t promise but what’s the difference between saying you’re going to do something and swearing to it. You always say you stick to your word. And as a Christian if you say you’re going to do something you have to do it! Arrgghhhhhhh! I raged back and forth in my head, (This is NOT FAIR God! Why are you making me do this? It’s not as if I want to slack off and go watch movies! I’m trying to study! I have so much work to do for uni! And I want to do chores around the house so Mum won’t to do anything when she gets home. I have GOOD intentions! )I made and unmade my mind 10 or 20 times! (That’s it I’m staying home, It’s already late it will take my whole day If I go and they don’t even need me!)
But as soon as I started trying to wiggle out of going I felt God’s grace leave me. My beautiful fresh day became stale.. and my peace of mind was replaced with turmoil and discontent. I knew my day would be ruined and I wouldn’t be able to study peacefully. Still swinging wildy between the devil on my shoulder, and the angel on the other I walked to the train station. As I waited on the platform (8 minutes until the train comes, I could be home in three, and stop wasting time!), work rang.
Now I hadn’t worked for two weeks and really needed the money, and they were offering me a shift that night! I felt as if God had just upped the stakes! However the timing was such that by the time I got home, I would have to get ready and leave for work. Scrap any ideas of getting study/housework done. The worst part is that work is close to uni, so by leaving uni to come home and then go to work I would be backtracking and wasting more time. (Now if I went home now, I could study get my chores done and go directly to work!) I told them I would take the shift. Now I had to decide to go to uni or stay home. As I sat, utterly conflcited and praying, an Indian guy sat next to me, “Are you Egyptian?” I turned around, “What?” “You look Egyptian, where are you from?” “Um no I’m Australia.” (I’m praying why does someone have to interrupt me now?! WHY do the weirdos and people who always want to talk hone in on me? WHY can’t they leave me in peace like everyone else.) “Are you going to study or to work?” “Study” (Doesn’t he get that I don’t want to talk?! Tap. Tap...What? Ahem.. Pamela what is the point of praying about doing the right thing if you’re going to be unchristian toward this man. Now now, stop being irritable and be nice. Yes, even if he is annoying! Oh ok, fine!) I chatted with the Indian guy for a couple minutes when the train came... Distracted I didn’t have time to think or make up my mind. I got on.
And that was it. It was too late to change my mind again. I rang work to say I wouldn’t do the shift.
As I got off in the city, where the line terminates, a scruffy looking bum was trying to hand the people in front of me something as they got off the train. They all shook their heads no, and I felt sorry for him so as I passed him I took the small pink speckled piece of paper from his hand and ambled off. I unfolded it to read the message, “Jesus Loves You. Read Psalm 23 & 91, Chpt 16 John”
Oh the irony! After I battled all morning with temptation and finally and somewhat grudgingly submitted to God’s will, He sweetly tells me “I love you!” Talk about heaping coals! It reminded me of my mother who when I am complaining or grumpy about something, hugs me around my middle (when she knows I’m grumpy and don’t want to be hugged) and says, “I Love you” with a grin on her face that just makes me laugh at myself and dispels the cloud over my head. What a marvellous sense of humour God has!

Lesson #1: The right choices are not always easy. Satan knows how to make the wrong choice seem appealing, and easy to justify. (It’s not as if I want to slack off and go watch movies! I’m trying to study! I have so much work to do for uni! And I want to do chores around the house so Mum won’t to do anything when she gets home. I have GOOD intentions!)It’s easy to fool ourselves into believing our excuses. But deep down God always lays His truth on our hearts.

Lesson #2: As Christians God holds us to a higher standard. (That little voice which says: You don’t have to go. But as a Christian you said you were going to do something... so you should do it.)

Lesson #3: Trials and conflict serve many purposes: They give Satan a chance to trick us, and to get us to do the wrong thing. They are a test, which gives us a chance to earn God’s blessings and make Him proud by showing Satan we are His children. They are an opportunity, which allows us to learn more about God and ourselves.

Lesson #4: God had a sense of humour, which comes from joy. Sometimes, when you least expect it, you find yourself laughing along with Him at a shared joke, just between the two of you. It is the best feeling in the world.