I coudln't wait to post the rest. So here is an update since Habi went to his homeland on Friday.
Habi arrived early morning on Saturday the 26th. That day he told them he loves me and wants to marry me and said he had doubts about Islam. He is easing them into it.
Sunday morning he got up early, packed his Arabic bible and Book of Psalms (music) into his little backpack and searched for a church! He found one close by and met the wonderful minister, an American called Joe (not his real name).Habi said Joe is a wonderful man and listened patiently while he told Joe everything that had happened the last few weeks. When Joe spoke to him was if all the pictures in habi’s head came together. Habi decided then that we wants to get baptized. He went home feeling refreshed and continued to discuss things with his family.
At this point I had only spoken to habi briefly on Sunday afternoon and exchanged a few messages. It is expensive to talk long and more importantly Habi has enough on his plate so I am doing my best to give his some space and wait patiently. But boy is it hard!! Now the first couple of days had gone quite well... but Habi was still adjusting and taking it easy.
Yesterday night (my birthday incidently) Habi rang to tell me his unusual day. He had told them he is no longer Muslim. (His sister already knows he is Christian) Their reaction was to take him to a psychiatrist. *blinks* Yes you heard me, they took him to a PSYCHIATRIST. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry when he told me. Furthermore the psychiatrist was also a religious woman, wearing niqab. Yes a religious scholar, niqabi psychiatrist. Does it get any weirder?
She was actually quite nice according to habi-hub. After verifying that he ISN’T NUTS.. or suffering depression or mental confusion (all of which he clearly isn’t for goodness sake) she asked him, well if you aren’t Muslim then what are you? And he told her: I am Christian.
His sister, who was there was finally convinced. I warned him not to tell anyone else, it was dangerous enough telling someone he doesn't know.
Today I rang Habi and he was clearly a bit upset. I asked what was wrong and he said (amid bad reception too) that “it hurt.” Several seconds of blind panic ensued as I asked him if he meant physically or mentally. He said mentally. It is now getting harder and his father is not taking things well. He said they are trying to dismiss his conversion as merely wanting to be Christian because I am. This is obviously not the case. He would never change religion for me. Both of us firmly believe that God comes above ALL things including loved ones. Secondly the change in him since he came to Christ is evident – as is his conviction. Having failed to blame it on mental problems his family is now putting it down to romantic feelings. This hurts us both. I love his family too. Habi has always looked up to his father, as a Muslim and as a man. Sadly since he now sees the flaws in Islam he is also able to see the flaws in his father. “They keep contradicting themselves, “ he whispered, “and they care so much about what other people will think. What about God?”
Last nite, frustrated as his father’s pain and anger he said resignedly, “OK dad, I’ll be a Muslim, I’m a Muslim ok?” It hurt him even more to see his father brighten and become so happy. “He knows by know my heart doesn’t believe it,” he said, “So how can he accept that knowing I don’t mean it?”
While he feels pain as his family’s blindness he is still joyful with God’s spirirt. If the Lord wasn’t supporting him I don’t know how he could get through this. It is hard on both of us, but in some schizophrenic way, we are both joyfully happy. We know this is hard – but it is necessary. I told Habi this is the hardest part – telling his family, and it will get easier from now. God is number one – he comes before all else, even our family, and in following Him we never go wrong.
So this is the most up-to-date info.. I will ring Habi in a few hours and keep you update over the days.
He is due to leave on Saturday but they want him to stay longer. However not only does he have uni, he realises that they will only continue to bring imams to talk to him and try and bring him back to Islam. It is not only futile, it prolongs his family accepting his conversion and is dangerous for him by informing more people (and religious leaders at that) that he is no longer Muslim. He was right to agree to speak to an imam and a counsellor – he did this for his family because he owed them that and so they would feel he was informed and had Islamic guidance. But he is putting his foot down now. At the end of the day when Muslims meet him in the future they will try to bring him back to his old faith. It is natural and Christians would do the same. But there comes a point where the individual must say, “Enough. I have spoken to people, I have investigated thoroughly and educated myself. But I have made this decision and I am not going to change.”
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Part 2: Walking Across the Field
Monday 7th June – On the phone I hesitantly ask Habi what he ‘is’ now? Is he still Muslim? He says he isn’t. I ask him how he feels and he said that the first couple of days when he really opened his mind to the possibility that islam was not the true path it was a struggle. But then as he resolved to truly investigate and began to believe it wasn’t true he felt more and more peaceful.
Tuesday 8th June – He reads the first few chapters of Genesis and he discuss Adam and Eve. Now that he is no longer Muslim and he has a connection with God he is looking for answers. I ask him if it possible that Christianity is the right path and he says it is possible, but he is still searching.
Wednesday 9th June– I find an audio Arabic bible online and send it to him. That night he falls asleep listening to the bible in Arabic. He is still not smoking and he no longer drinks.
Thursday 10th June – That morning Habi gets a letter from university saying he has failed a unit and they will be notifying immigration. The second exam on Friday, the one he prayed in Jesus’ name for, was for this unit. And he is bitterly disappointed – not only because of the ramifications of failing but also because in many ways that exam was a sort of test. He thought he had done well and had been waiting for the results as confirmation. Without God’s intervention there is no way he would have passed. Despite this he starts reading the Bible.. and reads .. and reads .. and reads. He reads the first 20 chapters of Matthew. After a couple hours reading I go to him and he looks at me with wonder. He tells me ‘It’s all true. Everything here is true – I keep trying to find mistakes or contradictions, but it’s all true.” He starts flicking through and showing me verses, “Look at this! It says this!” showing me verses which have shocked him.
I laugh when he shows me Matthew 5 where Jesus warns the people that ‘vain repetitions’ in prayer will not bring someone closer to God. I had read that verse to him myself several times. “But it’s different when you read it for yourself!” he says. He is struck down by the Jesus telling the people that many give lip service to God crying “Lord, Lord” but on the day of judgment God will tell them, “I do not know you.” It strikes a chord with his Muslim upbringing and the constant invocation of God’s name.
Even the teachings on divorce, adultery, and murder astound him. He is shocked when the Bible tells him looking at a woman with lust is committing adultery. Under Islam the first “look” is 'allowed' or given a free pass because the man cannot help his thoughts. It is only sinful should the man look a second time, to ogle the female in question. Yet the Bible says even the first glance is sinful. He is shocked when the Bible tells him anyone who divorces because of reasons other than harm (adultery, abuse etc) and then remarries is committing adultery. All these verses and more highlight God’s perfect standard – not a compromise, something humanly or easily achievable, but God’s holy perfect sinless standard. It also brings home to Habi his own sinfulness – if he was sinful under Islamic Law then how much more does the Gospel highlight his inadequacy. The sharia penalties for adultery may be harsh – but the Gospel says a man who lusts for another woman should pluck out his eye! He is pain and crying when he tells me he realises how sinful his life and indeed everyone’s life is.
I tell him God’s Word shows us how sinful we are, how imperfect and how unable to meet God’s standard. But He does not do this to torture us with guilt. I tell Habi, who is still crying, that by showing us the shamefulness of our sin, we repent of it. It also demonstrates that we can never achieve salvation by ourselves as we are so inadequate. A good deed does not erase a bad deed. Saving a man’s life does not atone for murder. And so we see the need for Jesus. The Word shows us that we need a saviour – and shows us despite this sinfulness is paid we have salvation through the atonement of Jesus. I tell him to pray to God and leave him alone.
Friday 11th June– Habi goes to uni to fill out some papers while I study at his house with his flatmates. An hour later he comes racing through the door shouting. Whilst at uni he decided to double check his results and he has passed all his units. The unit he had been told failed had a mark of 15% before the exam – so the uni had pre-emptively assumed he would fail and sent the letter he received the day before. But somehow that exam must have gone amazingly well because he passed the unit – with 50%. To get 50% he must have aced his exam – there is no doubt it is by God’s hand. Our own little miracle.
That evening he discusses religion with another gulf friend, B and he, B and T all watch videos of Zakaria Butrous a famous Coptic priest who lectures on Islam and Christianity. Habi tells T how amazing the Bible is, now that he has begun reading earnestly. He continues to read voraciously.
Saturday 12th June– I pick Habi up in the morning for “family weekend.” He decided he wants to spend the weekend with my family to get to know them more. They are already very fond of one another. As we talk about things on the way home he drops the “C word”: Christian. In the middle of something he refers to him becoming a Christian. I tell him, “Wait Stop! You just said the ‘C’ word... are you Christian now?” He just smiles and says he guesses so.
The most amazing thing is he said he knew this on Thursday night – when he read the Bible. At this stage the exam he prayed to do well in Jesus’ name and felt went really well is considered a failure. Yet despite God supposedly failing this test he still had faith – and then God confirmed this the next morning by showing Habi that He had not failed him. Again, God’s wisdom astounds.
Habi tells me he wants to witness to the boys (T, K, M and B.)
Habi says his mission is to bring a least one person to Christ and says he is determined to use his time left living with his flatmates as a witness. His confidence and authority amaze me – he is barely one day old in his new life. I ask him if he will get baptised and he says he will eventually. He says baptism will be the “beginning of the start.”
We arrive home and I jump around and tell mum and my two brothers that Habi is Christian. They all welcome him to the body of Christ. There is much hugging and crying and intense joy.
Sunday 13th June- Habi attends church with us, and meets our pastor Ben. He is lovely and he and Habi get on like a house on fire. That day Habi starts the Gospel of Mark. We sit a few feet apart both reading our bibles, occasionally stopping to discuss various things. It is the most amazing feeling – sitting with my fiancée and quietly reading God’s Word. Now I know why I could not have been unequally yoked. That night we both feel Satan attack us and we pray. (Him silently and myself aloud.) Habi says he will tell his parents when he goes back next (in January) and we discuss what to do if things go wrong. We consider it possible that his family will try to prevent him returning to Australia so organise to hide his passport and bankcards in a safe place. We are praying for his family and parents – we really have no idea how they will take it. It is also illegal for him to convert.
Monday 14th June – I am not feeling well, in fact I almost pass out driving to Habi’s house. I am irritable and struggling with Satan not to be bad-tempered. I know he is doing his best to tempt me. My mum is almost hit by a car which pulls out in front of her at a round-a-bout. That night Habi talks to his mum on the phone about Islam without telling her he has left Islam. He mentions the Bible’s command to ‘love your enemy’ which shocks his mum. She questions how anyone can do that. He tells me he has realised while reading the bible how much he loves God and how he loves God above all else and this actually increases his love for me. He also is convicted by prejudice he never knew he had. He says he realises he has certain prejudices against racial groups and Jews and now he loves them all. He is overwhelmed by love for all people.
Since then...
Every day has brought new insight and wonders. Habi and I have had our highs and lows. Habi has been making amazing progress through the Bible, soaking it up like a sponge. It soon became clear to him that he had to tell his parents, not only about us, but about his new faith. Originally he was going to go back next January but he became more and more restless. He didn’t want to lie to his family, or deceive them and he also wanted to tell them the truth. So Saturday 19th only a week after becoming a Christian he rang his father and told him he wanted to come home to talk to him. His father immediately said to come home and arranged a ticket for the following Friday. His father was worried and all Habi could do was assure him it was not about money, his health, nor was he unhappy in Australia.
For the next week we prayed and prayed for God to guide us. We have been so blessed to have a wonderful pastor at my church whom Habi loves, and many wonderful friends all praying for us. Despite the very great dangers we felt comforted and peaceful with Habi’s decision. It is illegal in his country to commit apostasy (leave Islam.) Nor did we know how his family would take it. We took precautions for him to leave his passport and bankcards with his best friend (who he told about his conversion) so that if his family banned him from going back to Australia he could quickly get out. We did all we could to protect him and then accepted the rest is in the hands of God.
The day of the flight, last Friday the 25th, after lunch we went to church to pray, which our pastor kindly opened for us. As we drew before the alter we both naturally fell into sujood position, or prostration. I had never seen Habi pray like that (since becoming Christian) and it’s interesting because I too, sometimes pray in this position. We both prayed, and wept, but not from fear. We were both crying out in supplication, in our own private prayer. In this moment I prayed for many things and I told God, “Let your be done. I submit to your will. If it is your will that he be imprisoned, or even killed, I accept it. This is the person I love most dearly in this world Lord, but I offer him up to you, for your service. I am willing to give his life up for you.”
And yet I did not feel fear, anger or worry – rather emotions which I can’t describe – something with the depth and soul-touching agony of grief, but love instead of sadness.
After we finished praying Habi asked me if I wanted to pray together. We sat together and for the first time, I heard him pray out loud with me. Until now I have heard him whisper and pray quietly and indistinctly in his own private prayer, but he was never able to pray aloud in group prayer. Rather I would pray (and others, if they were there) and he would say ‘Ameen’ at the end. As we sat there he led us quietly, but surely in prayer. My heart rejoiced. Only minutes before, one of the many things I had prayed was for God to lead him in paths of righteousness to grow into a godly man who would be the spiritual head of our family and who would lead me and our future family with authority. What a blessing he is. We left for the airport, singing hymns the whole way.
He hs now been in his country for four days... updates coming soon!! (Part 3, perhaps?)
Tuesday 8th June – He reads the first few chapters of Genesis and he discuss Adam and Eve. Now that he is no longer Muslim and he has a connection with God he is looking for answers. I ask him if it possible that Christianity is the right path and he says it is possible, but he is still searching.
Wednesday 9th June– I find an audio Arabic bible online and send it to him. That night he falls asleep listening to the bible in Arabic. He is still not smoking and he no longer drinks.
Thursday 10th June – That morning Habi gets a letter from university saying he has failed a unit and they will be notifying immigration. The second exam on Friday, the one he prayed in Jesus’ name for, was for this unit. And he is bitterly disappointed – not only because of the ramifications of failing but also because in many ways that exam was a sort of test. He thought he had done well and had been waiting for the results as confirmation. Without God’s intervention there is no way he would have passed. Despite this he starts reading the Bible.. and reads .. and reads .. and reads. He reads the first 20 chapters of Matthew. After a couple hours reading I go to him and he looks at me with wonder. He tells me ‘It’s all true. Everything here is true – I keep trying to find mistakes or contradictions, but it’s all true.” He starts flicking through and showing me verses, “Look at this! It says this!” showing me verses which have shocked him.
I laugh when he shows me Matthew 5 where Jesus warns the people that ‘vain repetitions’ in prayer will not bring someone closer to God. I had read that verse to him myself several times. “But it’s different when you read it for yourself!” he says. He is struck down by the Jesus telling the people that many give lip service to God crying “Lord, Lord” but on the day of judgment God will tell them, “I do not know you.” It strikes a chord with his Muslim upbringing and the constant invocation of God’s name.
Even the teachings on divorce, adultery, and murder astound him. He is shocked when the Bible tells him looking at a woman with lust is committing adultery. Under Islam the first “look” is 'allowed' or given a free pass because the man cannot help his thoughts. It is only sinful should the man look a second time, to ogle the female in question. Yet the Bible says even the first glance is sinful. He is shocked when the Bible tells him anyone who divorces because of reasons other than harm (adultery, abuse etc) and then remarries is committing adultery. All these verses and more highlight God’s perfect standard – not a compromise, something humanly or easily achievable, but God’s holy perfect sinless standard. It also brings home to Habi his own sinfulness – if he was sinful under Islamic Law then how much more does the Gospel highlight his inadequacy. The sharia penalties for adultery may be harsh – but the Gospel says a man who lusts for another woman should pluck out his eye! He is pain and crying when he tells me he realises how sinful his life and indeed everyone’s life is.
I tell him God’s Word shows us how sinful we are, how imperfect and how unable to meet God’s standard. But He does not do this to torture us with guilt. I tell Habi, who is still crying, that by showing us the shamefulness of our sin, we repent of it. It also demonstrates that we can never achieve salvation by ourselves as we are so inadequate. A good deed does not erase a bad deed. Saving a man’s life does not atone for murder. And so we see the need for Jesus. The Word shows us that we need a saviour – and shows us despite this sinfulness is paid we have salvation through the atonement of Jesus. I tell him to pray to God and leave him alone.
Friday 11th June– Habi goes to uni to fill out some papers while I study at his house with his flatmates. An hour later he comes racing through the door shouting. Whilst at uni he decided to double check his results and he has passed all his units. The unit he had been told failed had a mark of 15% before the exam – so the uni had pre-emptively assumed he would fail and sent the letter he received the day before. But somehow that exam must have gone amazingly well because he passed the unit – with 50%. To get 50% he must have aced his exam – there is no doubt it is by God’s hand. Our own little miracle.
That evening he discusses religion with another gulf friend, B and he, B and T all watch videos of Zakaria Butrous a famous Coptic priest who lectures on Islam and Christianity. Habi tells T how amazing the Bible is, now that he has begun reading earnestly. He continues to read voraciously.
Saturday 12th June– I pick Habi up in the morning for “family weekend.” He decided he wants to spend the weekend with my family to get to know them more. They are already very fond of one another. As we talk about things on the way home he drops the “C word”: Christian. In the middle of something he refers to him becoming a Christian. I tell him, “Wait Stop! You just said the ‘C’ word... are you Christian now?” He just smiles and says he guesses so.
The most amazing thing is he said he knew this on Thursday night – when he read the Bible. At this stage the exam he prayed to do well in Jesus’ name and felt went really well is considered a failure. Yet despite God supposedly failing this test he still had faith – and then God confirmed this the next morning by showing Habi that He had not failed him. Again, God’s wisdom astounds.
Habi tells me he wants to witness to the boys (T, K, M and B.)
Habi says his mission is to bring a least one person to Christ and says he is determined to use his time left living with his flatmates as a witness. His confidence and authority amaze me – he is barely one day old in his new life. I ask him if he will get baptised and he says he will eventually. He says baptism will be the “beginning of the start.”
We arrive home and I jump around and tell mum and my two brothers that Habi is Christian. They all welcome him to the body of Christ. There is much hugging and crying and intense joy.
Sunday 13th June- Habi attends church with us, and meets our pastor Ben. He is lovely and he and Habi get on like a house on fire. That day Habi starts the Gospel of Mark. We sit a few feet apart both reading our bibles, occasionally stopping to discuss various things. It is the most amazing feeling – sitting with my fiancée and quietly reading God’s Word. Now I know why I could not have been unequally yoked. That night we both feel Satan attack us and we pray. (Him silently and myself aloud.) Habi says he will tell his parents when he goes back next (in January) and we discuss what to do if things go wrong. We consider it possible that his family will try to prevent him returning to Australia so organise to hide his passport and bankcards in a safe place. We are praying for his family and parents – we really have no idea how they will take it. It is also illegal for him to convert.
Monday 14th June – I am not feeling well, in fact I almost pass out driving to Habi’s house. I am irritable and struggling with Satan not to be bad-tempered. I know he is doing his best to tempt me. My mum is almost hit by a car which pulls out in front of her at a round-a-bout. That night Habi talks to his mum on the phone about Islam without telling her he has left Islam. He mentions the Bible’s command to ‘love your enemy’ which shocks his mum. She questions how anyone can do that. He tells me he has realised while reading the bible how much he loves God and how he loves God above all else and this actually increases his love for me. He also is convicted by prejudice he never knew he had. He says he realises he has certain prejudices against racial groups and Jews and now he loves them all. He is overwhelmed by love for all people.
Since then...
Every day has brought new insight and wonders. Habi and I have had our highs and lows. Habi has been making amazing progress through the Bible, soaking it up like a sponge. It soon became clear to him that he had to tell his parents, not only about us, but about his new faith. Originally he was going to go back next January but he became more and more restless. He didn’t want to lie to his family, or deceive them and he also wanted to tell them the truth. So Saturday 19th only a week after becoming a Christian he rang his father and told him he wanted to come home to talk to him. His father immediately said to come home and arranged a ticket for the following Friday. His father was worried and all Habi could do was assure him it was not about money, his health, nor was he unhappy in Australia.
For the next week we prayed and prayed for God to guide us. We have been so blessed to have a wonderful pastor at my church whom Habi loves, and many wonderful friends all praying for us. Despite the very great dangers we felt comforted and peaceful with Habi’s decision. It is illegal in his country to commit apostasy (leave Islam.) Nor did we know how his family would take it. We took precautions for him to leave his passport and bankcards with his best friend (who he told about his conversion) so that if his family banned him from going back to Australia he could quickly get out. We did all we could to protect him and then accepted the rest is in the hands of God.
The day of the flight, last Friday the 25th, after lunch we went to church to pray, which our pastor kindly opened for us. As we drew before the alter we both naturally fell into sujood position, or prostration. I had never seen Habi pray like that (since becoming Christian) and it’s interesting because I too, sometimes pray in this position. We both prayed, and wept, but not from fear. We were both crying out in supplication, in our own private prayer. In this moment I prayed for many things and I told God, “Let your be done. I submit to your will. If it is your will that he be imprisoned, or even killed, I accept it. This is the person I love most dearly in this world Lord, but I offer him up to you, for your service. I am willing to give his life up for you.”
And yet I did not feel fear, anger or worry – rather emotions which I can’t describe – something with the depth and soul-touching agony of grief, but love instead of sadness.
After we finished praying Habi asked me if I wanted to pray together. We sat together and for the first time, I heard him pray out loud with me. Until now I have heard him whisper and pray quietly and indistinctly in his own private prayer, but he was never able to pray aloud in group prayer. Rather I would pray (and others, if they were there) and he would say ‘Ameen’ at the end. As we sat there he led us quietly, but surely in prayer. My heart rejoiced. Only minutes before, one of the many things I had prayed was for God to lead him in paths of righteousness to grow into a godly man who would be the spiritual head of our family and who would lead me and our future family with authority. What a blessing he is. We left for the airport, singing hymns the whole way.
He hs now been in his country for four days... updates coming soon!! (Part 3, perhaps?)
Monday, June 28, 2010
Part 1: Here it is folks: the Juicy details!
Before you start reading this I should tell you all, this is a story of a Muslim converting to Christianity. If that offends you I suggest you stop reading now. I am not writing this to ‘convert people’ or Bible bash – it is simply an account of what I believe is amazing example of God’s work. As a Christian I know Christians who have become Muslims. I have heard their testimonies many times. As a Christian, yes it hurts a little and is a bit uncomfortable, but that is their choice and they have every right to share their story. And recognizing that God gave every man free will to believe as he wishes I say nothing when I hear an ex-Christian testify against Christianity.
So that said, I ask my Muslim friends to extend the same courtesy and remember the words of the Qu’ran: Sura Al Baqara (2:256) ‘la ikra fi deen’ – ‘there is no compulsion in religion’
God’s Miracle: Part 1 The Love Story
This has been in many ways the most amazing two weeks of my life.
This is a love story, a story of miracles and God. Let me explain.
S. (let’s call him ‘Habi’ as S is too short) has been a good friend for around three years – we were all part of the same ‘group.’ Habi is from one of the gulf countries and is studying here. He is from a religious but not conservative family.
Habi and I have always been able to have great conversation. Despite often not seeing one another for months conversations were always natural, comfortable and long. Last year we became closer and closer until we couldn’t pass the day without talking. He was my best friend – if anything happened, good or bad, he was the first one I wanted to tell.
Long story short, last year, on November 8 everything came to a head. My two close girlfriends had been telling me for weeks that it was clear we both had feelings for each other. I said we were just close and that we provided each other with the companionship of a couple, but without the romantic or sexual counterpart. I knew Habi had ‘liked’ me and we had kissed years ago – but since then I stopped dating, as did he. Then on November 8, when he told me he loved me and asked if we had any future together I told him I could not marry a Muslim. Even as I firmly told him we had no future I felt my heartbreaking. Even as he swallowed hard and told me whatever I decided was fine and he would always be my friend, loving me until a wonderful Christian guy came along for me, it felt so wrong. I realised then that I loved him.
For the next few days I grappled with my misgivings. The bible is clear about being unevenly yoked!
He also didn’t match the image I had of the sort of man I imagined marrying. Yet I realised he was perfect – as if he was tailor-made for me.
Despite having had two long term relationships I had never been in love. In almost three years with my ex I had never told him I loved him. Although I am quite an emotional person I never agreed with people who declared their love in every the relationship – to me this sort of fickle, easy love was cheap. It the enduring, consuming love I wanted – and for me this love was completed by giving your life, soul, mind and future over to that person.
After some time and much prayer and studying what it means to be “unequally yoked” I still didn’t feel this was an ultimatum saying “Well if he’s not Christian then forget about it.” In fact I saw it more as a matter of God sanctioning the union. I clearly felt he was telling me “wait.” So I waited for God’s answer.. and prayed and cried. What a mix of emotions and thoughts. I clearly felt I should ‘wait’ but at the same time I didn’t want to wait for something that would never come. I was also worried I could end up deluding myself, ignoring God and convincing myself that he would change or that our marriage was right. I was scared of putting Habi before God – the story of Abraham and Isaac took on new meaning. More than anything I prayed I would have the strength to give up S. if was clear that us marrying would be disobedient to God. I knew a marriage that occurred out of disobedience to God would not be blessed by Him. As time passed we had discussions about religion now and then – he even went to Arabic church with me and met a Saudi Christian family I know.
Sometimes he would make a comment which gave me so much hope and other times I felt he was no closer.
A lot went on in this time but I’ll skip ahead to Saturday the 19th of May.
It also started with a Saudi man our age who had recently become Christian. He was staying with the Saudi family I know and my family invited them all to dinner Saturday night. I wanted Habi to meet him because the Saudi guy (H) had similar views to Habi before he became Christian. They were coming for dinner on Saturday. Sunday is H’s baptism but Habi is not coming because it is ‘too much.’
Saturday 29th May – Habi is sick all day and says he probably can’t make it. He’s sounds awful. I’m disappointed and pray he will be able to make it. Dinner is fantastic and after our guests leave I quickly change and head out to my friend’s birthday party. Habi’s flatmates are there and I bring left over pudding for them. I decide to drop in on Habi on the way home. He is really crook and clearly upset. He tells me his mum, whom he adores, rang today and (correctly) guessed he is sick because he smokes cigarettes. In their culture things like this are always kept from the parents out of respect and his mother was very upset. He feels really wretched and low and tells me he is giving up. We talk about religion and I tell him how Jesus promises to give us rest from our heavy burdens. We talk a little more and then he goes to sleep.
Sunday 30th May – Habi tells me in the morning that he has made his decision: As far as he’s concerned he doesn’t care if I’m not Muslim. He tells me he wants to get married so now it is up to me. I am sooooo tempted to just say “yes” especially if he doesn’t mind the children not being Muslim but I tell him I can’t give an answer yet, which he says is fine. I am about to leave for H.’s baptism when Habi shows signs of considering coming too. I realise that if he had come to dinner (like I prayed for) he would not have attended the baptism. He asks what it will be like and insists that he has no plans of leaving Islam, and attending a baptism should not be construed as such. I assure him it will be low key and easy.
How wrong I was.
The baptism is held at a church over 30 minutes drive from Habi’s house (over an hour from my house) and we meet my mum and brother there. H and the Saudi family are there. They tell us the baptism will be held about two hours late. It seems an entire church service is being held, not just a baptismal service – it starts soon after and there is a joyous atmosphere. Moreover I feel completely at ease singing hymns and worshipping next to my Habi, who is also comfortable. However an hour and a half later the baptism has still not begun. It seems the hold-up is related to a special guest, a visiting pastor who is running late. Habi begins to feel unwell and is fatigued. My mum has to leave, as it will take an hour to get home and she has to visit her sick aunt on the way home. My youngest brother has exams tomorrow and she also needs to help him revise. She had gone to church in the morning then left straight away to make the baptism (which she ended up missing) and even then only got home at 5 or 6 at night. I tell Habi we’ll wait 15 more minutes and if the baptism has not started we will leave. 25 minutes later we have no choice but to go. The Saudi family beg us to stay but I tell the father GK, firmly, that Habi has had enough! (And to be honest so have I.)
We get home where S. visibly relaxes. He tells me that the Arabic church (who was holding the baptism) was just the same as going to Mosque. In fact the whole experience reaffirms to him that Christianity and Islam are the same. I feel terrible. I give him an Arabic bible I procured.
I drive home feeling horrible and start crying as I walk in the door. I am at a loss – why is it that this wonderful opportunity has turned into a disaster? Instead of being a witness to Habi, it has driven him further away, if anything. This is the second time I have brought Habi to church and things have ‘gone wrong.’ Furthermore it seemed like God had deliberately organised things so that Habi would come to the baptism. I ask God what is it he wants me to do? I feel he is pressing me to do something, but what? I cry out to God to share His plans with me, to show me what to do. My mum has had the same feeling all day – she decided to attend the baptism, driving an hour there and back, to show her support for H. And then didn’t even get to see him baptised! On top of that her aunt was not able to take visitors and my brother had been panicking all day and not done any productive study. Despite this she tells me that sometimes when it seems everything has gone wrong, God is still working – and one person will get something out of it, even if we are unable to see it.
Tuesday 1st June – I go over in morning. When I arrive Habi is in bed and I notice the Arabic bible I gave him is beside him in bed. I have brought my English/Arabic Qu’ran. I’m not sure why, I just felt like bringing it. I point out verses which say it is halal (permissible) for men to have sex with those their right hand possesses (slaves). Habi is shocked – he studies the Arabic and is very quiet. We discuss having four wives. Habi has always felt this is wrong. I point out the fact that Muslim apologists often highlight: In the days of Islam many men had many wives and Islams allowance of four was a limitation rather than license to go out and take more. In this sense it was a good thing. However the Qu’ran itself admits that one wife is the perfect standard. Four wives is an admirable standard for that period and for imperfect human nature. However it is also a compromise between God’s perfect standard and men’s imperfection. We also discuss “eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.” Forgiveness is admirable in Islam – but not mandatory or even expected. In fact Islamic law is based on the assumption of ‘eye for an eye’. Again, this is not the standard of a perfect, holy God but the standard of imperfect, flawed men. And yet the Qu’ran is said to be God’s word.
We let the conversation drop and we both study for exams in separate rooms. I see him fetch the Quran from his bedroom later and say nothing. When I bring him juice in the study room I see he is watching a video on youtube entitled ‘Contradictions in the Qu’ran.’ He is also watching debates between Muslim and Christian scholars. Later he talks to me about ‘making a choice’ and rambles somewhat. He is clearly in conflict. He says ‘it hurts’ and talks about ‘the people’ being wrong. I realise he is beginning to consider the possibility that Islam might be wrong and the consequence is that all the people following Islam (including himself and everyone he has every known) are mistaken. I understand this internal conflict and anguish – I too went through the same thing. My heart goes out to him. I know at this stage he wants to do his own private study and doesn’t want attention. He doesn’t want to be either discouraged or encouraged – he just wants space to be objective without influence. I felt the same when I was in his position so on the most part we don’t talk about it.
Wednesday 2nd June- We study together again. Like yesterday he watches videos and debates, but this time in front of me, and more openly. We discuss what we watch and various religious issues. He is coming out of his shell a little and talking to me more openly. He is still rambling a little – saying phrases and thoughts that are racing through his head. Luckily as I know him so well and I had a similar experience I can follow what he is thinking. He talks about two ‘options’ (Christianity and Islam). He says one is ‘lazy’ but the other option ‘you don’tanything to deserve it, but it seems right.’ He is talking about law being a cop-out, replacing a real relationship with God and Christ’s salvation being so undeserved, respectively.
Thursday 3rd June– He looks distant and I ask him what he is thinking. I am flabbergasted when he says he is wondering what he would change his (surname) to if he became Christian. I don’t show the excitement and shock that is charging through me. I play it cool as we discuss alternatives. Later that day I ask him if he is looking into religion and considering Christianity for me. He tells me firmly, that this is for him and for God. That God and the truth are more important than anything. I am satisfied. He has an exam the next day and Mum and I pray for him that night, that he will do well on his exams, but also that he will have an experience with God.
Friday 4th June – Habi has an exam in the morning. He feels confident but is not prepared for the next one, which is at midday. He rings me after the first and tells me he is trying to cram for the second (in a couple of hours) and it just isn’t working. That evening (after exams) he messages me and says he is having a beer with the boys. I feel uncomfortable with him drinking as I worry it may distract him o interfere with his search for God. I still don’t know how his second exam went, he hasn’t mentioned it. Later that night he tells me that just before the second exam he prayed in Jesus’ name. I am shocked. He says not only did he do well, he knew answers he didn’t even remember studying. Most amazing, he felt God’s presence in a way he never had and this presence was with him all day. He is amazed that even when he drank alcohol this feeling never left.
I am reminded once more, how much cleverer than us God is and how we humans are such know-it-alls. Here I am thinking, ‘I wish he wouldn’t drink - what if this takes him further than God.’ Instead God used it to teach him something. Habi felt ashamed about drinking – in Islam it renders the person unclean and they are unable to pray for 40 days after drinking. Yet drinking alcohol (or being drunk in Christian doctrine) is just one of many sins – why does this particular sin render us unclean, while others do not? Jesus taught that it is not what enters the body that makes one unclean, but what comes out of the heart. Lies, deceit, greed, avarice, anger, gossip – all the sins we commit on a daily basis, all render us unclean before God.
Habi is a real paradox – one of the most ‘moral’ people I know in his sense of justice and treatment of people but a ‘bad’ Muslim in the sense of Muslim observance. And yet his failure to live up Islam was a constant source of shame to him. Feeling so shamed and lowly he would then shy from God because he felt so unworthy. It is a vicious circle. God used this opportunity to show him that a personal relationship (through Jesus’ sacrifice) with God bridges our sinfulness and uncleanness. God never leaves us nor are we barred from His presence.
I ask Habi if, as a Muslim, he felt guilty, ashamed or worried when he prayed in Jesus’ name. For a Muslim this is blasphemy and very very very serious. Every day of Habi’s life had taught him this was wrong. Yet he simply tells me, ‘It felt right. It felt natural.’
Saturday 5th June– He does to his friend M’s house (from the gulf) at night with his friends K and T. They are all Muslims. Another friend innocently asks him how his religious studies are going (unaware he is questioning Islam) and tells him he will ‘find the right path insha’allah.’ This is odd, as habi has taken great pains to ensure no one knows he is questioning Islam. This comment, made in passing, arouses the curiosity of M. M and Habi have a private conversation for some time, and Habi ends up admitting he thinks Islam may be flawed. This is a big and somewhat dangerous admission. M sits back and tells him, “Good Morning.” Habi is confused and asks what he means. M smiles and tells him, ‘Welcome to the truth. I have known for years that Islam is not true.” M shows him the same problems in Islam that GK and the Saudis had discussed with him and even further examples. M knows a lot about Islam and has been studying religion for years. For almost ten years, through his own independent study he has concluded that Islam is not right. He believes in God but is still searching. Habi is amazed that one of his closest friends has been going through the same thing he has. As they sit talking, Habi’s very good friend T sits with them and demands they include him in the conversation. They do and ANOTHER SHOCK he admits he is also disillusioned and secretly disbelieving. He tells them he once tried to tell his parents back home about his doubts and their angry reaction and demands that he never raise the subject again had led him to believe he could never tell anyone. Habi and T go to his house to continue the conversation and K joins them. K identifies as Muslim but openly admits he isn’t one. He is not religious at all and says he hates religion and says he believes there is a God/Power upstairs and that is it. So when he walks in on the obviously serious conversation, Habi shrugs him off and tells him he wouldn’t be interested, assuming K will simply make jokes and disparage religion. Surprisingly K demands he be allowed to stay and says he is always interested to learn about God. So here they stay until 5 or 6 am – three Muslim boys, lost and desperately seeking the truth. Habi earnestly tells T to read the bible.
Sunday 6th June – Saturday’s events are relayed to me on Sunday after church and I am flabbergasted. When I start crying Habi is confused, until I explain they are tears of joy and compassion for these darling boys who are struggling to find God and peace. T had been in tears the night before when he spoke to Habi. It blows my mind that three such close friends (discounting K) were all secretly coming to the same conclusion and feelings, each feeling totally alone, unaware that their brothers were in the same boat. Habi tells me that he feels Satan, God and himself are locked in a struggle in his chest– and while he feels conflicted, he knows that soon it will be only God and himself. He tells me that love is the most important thing and that everyone looks different when you love them. He was also telling this to the boys last night. I am awestruck by the wisdom and sincerity of his words and the way in which he is leading the other boys.
Mum and I pray for them all and their individual needs and particularly for T, who is a dear friend, and more anxious and fearful than the others. I pray that T will have the courage and understanding to accept the truth that deep down, he is not a Muslim, even if he only admits it to himself.
Ten minutes later I ring Habi and T is with him. T asks to speak with me and questions me on various things and then tells me ‘Islam is bad. It’s not right.’ What an answer to prayer.
T also asks how it feels to know/hear/feel God. How do we know when God is telling us something/interacting with us. Habi quietly says afterward that only someone who has never felt this would ask. Habi has also been telling T that Christianity is good, although he is still a Muslim. That night Habi tells me that the first chapter of Matthew is amazing – the detailed chronological family tree of Jesus is far superior to the lists of prophets in the Quran. He is amazed that the Quran, which is supposed to be superior and complete, has gaping holes and far less detail and information than the bible.
Once again I am humbled by God’s wisdom. When I first gave the Arabic bible to Habi I first thought where I should advise him to start.... Some Christians advise Luke is the perfect starting point for someone with no knowledge of the Bible, some ex-muslims advised that John perfectly highlighted and explained Jesus’ key precepts. And while I considered consulting people on this I decided I would simply tell him to start at the beginning of the New Testament. By Sunday he had read the first page three times – once alone, once with T and again by himself. I was a little concerned that this dry, boring start would put him off. After all, a long list of names hardly showed what the Bible and Jesus were all about. And yet this long-winded, stuffy chapter had illustrated the Bible’s historical accuracy, information and status as the Word of God.
That night as I barely allow myself to consider the possibility of Habi becoming a Christian (I have been acting entirely nonchalant and playing it cool) and catch a glimpse of the happiness that could be ours, I become a little disappointed: If Habi becomes Christian I will never know whether or not I had the power to ‘break up’ with him had God asked me to. Ever curious I want to know; Like Abraham would I have been able to put God first?
The God gently told me, ‘You have already passed this test.’ I passed it every time I cried in prayer because I was scared I would put Habi first. I passed it every time I prayed for God’s will to be done, not mine. I passed it every time I thought, ‘It will be alright, it is ok for us to marry’ or ‘I feel God has sanctioned this’ and then heard the quiet ‘No, wait’ in my head and obeyed. I passed it the day Habi told me there were no barriers for him anymore and he wanted to marry me. ‘Yes’ was on the tip of my tongue, but still I just couldn’t. Like someone desperate to sign a loan contract but who knows the interest rate in the fine print is too high – I just couldn’t bring myself to sign on the dotted line. And I felt my Father tell me, after months of impatience, desperation and thought: ‘With you I am well pleased, you have passed.’
The next day Habi told me he was no longer Muslim.
Rest to follow.. ‘ Part 2: Walking Across the Field’
So that said, I ask my Muslim friends to extend the same courtesy and remember the words of the Qu’ran: Sura Al Baqara (2:256) ‘la ikra fi deen’ – ‘there is no compulsion in religion’
God’s Miracle: Part 1 The Love Story
This has been in many ways the most amazing two weeks of my life.
This is a love story, a story of miracles and God. Let me explain.
S. (let’s call him ‘Habi’ as S is too short) has been a good friend for around three years – we were all part of the same ‘group.’ Habi is from one of the gulf countries and is studying here. He is from a religious but not conservative family.
Habi and I have always been able to have great conversation. Despite often not seeing one another for months conversations were always natural, comfortable and long. Last year we became closer and closer until we couldn’t pass the day without talking. He was my best friend – if anything happened, good or bad, he was the first one I wanted to tell.
Long story short, last year, on November 8 everything came to a head. My two close girlfriends had been telling me for weeks that it was clear we both had feelings for each other. I said we were just close and that we provided each other with the companionship of a couple, but without the romantic or sexual counterpart. I knew Habi had ‘liked’ me and we had kissed years ago – but since then I stopped dating, as did he. Then on November 8, when he told me he loved me and asked if we had any future together I told him I could not marry a Muslim. Even as I firmly told him we had no future I felt my heartbreaking. Even as he swallowed hard and told me whatever I decided was fine and he would always be my friend, loving me until a wonderful Christian guy came along for me, it felt so wrong. I realised then that I loved him.
For the next few days I grappled with my misgivings. The bible is clear about being unevenly yoked!
He also didn’t match the image I had of the sort of man I imagined marrying. Yet I realised he was perfect – as if he was tailor-made for me.
Despite having had two long term relationships I had never been in love. In almost three years with my ex I had never told him I loved him. Although I am quite an emotional person I never agreed with people who declared their love in every the relationship – to me this sort of fickle, easy love was cheap. It the enduring, consuming love I wanted – and for me this love was completed by giving your life, soul, mind and future over to that person.
After some time and much prayer and studying what it means to be “unequally yoked” I still didn’t feel this was an ultimatum saying “Well if he’s not Christian then forget about it.” In fact I saw it more as a matter of God sanctioning the union. I clearly felt he was telling me “wait.” So I waited for God’s answer.. and prayed and cried. What a mix of emotions and thoughts. I clearly felt I should ‘wait’ but at the same time I didn’t want to wait for something that would never come. I was also worried I could end up deluding myself, ignoring God and convincing myself that he would change or that our marriage was right. I was scared of putting Habi before God – the story of Abraham and Isaac took on new meaning. More than anything I prayed I would have the strength to give up S. if was clear that us marrying would be disobedient to God. I knew a marriage that occurred out of disobedience to God would not be blessed by Him. As time passed we had discussions about religion now and then – he even went to Arabic church with me and met a Saudi Christian family I know.
Sometimes he would make a comment which gave me so much hope and other times I felt he was no closer.
A lot went on in this time but I’ll skip ahead to Saturday the 19th of May.
It also started with a Saudi man our age who had recently become Christian. He was staying with the Saudi family I know and my family invited them all to dinner Saturday night. I wanted Habi to meet him because the Saudi guy (H) had similar views to Habi before he became Christian. They were coming for dinner on Saturday. Sunday is H’s baptism but Habi is not coming because it is ‘too much.’
Saturday 29th May – Habi is sick all day and says he probably can’t make it. He’s sounds awful. I’m disappointed and pray he will be able to make it. Dinner is fantastic and after our guests leave I quickly change and head out to my friend’s birthday party. Habi’s flatmates are there and I bring left over pudding for them. I decide to drop in on Habi on the way home. He is really crook and clearly upset. He tells me his mum, whom he adores, rang today and (correctly) guessed he is sick because he smokes cigarettes. In their culture things like this are always kept from the parents out of respect and his mother was very upset. He feels really wretched and low and tells me he is giving up. We talk about religion and I tell him how Jesus promises to give us rest from our heavy burdens. We talk a little more and then he goes to sleep.
Sunday 30th May – Habi tells me in the morning that he has made his decision: As far as he’s concerned he doesn’t care if I’m not Muslim. He tells me he wants to get married so now it is up to me. I am sooooo tempted to just say “yes” especially if he doesn’t mind the children not being Muslim but I tell him I can’t give an answer yet, which he says is fine. I am about to leave for H.’s baptism when Habi shows signs of considering coming too. I realise that if he had come to dinner (like I prayed for) he would not have attended the baptism. He asks what it will be like and insists that he has no plans of leaving Islam, and attending a baptism should not be construed as such. I assure him it will be low key and easy.
How wrong I was.
The baptism is held at a church over 30 minutes drive from Habi’s house (over an hour from my house) and we meet my mum and brother there. H and the Saudi family are there. They tell us the baptism will be held about two hours late. It seems an entire church service is being held, not just a baptismal service – it starts soon after and there is a joyous atmosphere. Moreover I feel completely at ease singing hymns and worshipping next to my Habi, who is also comfortable. However an hour and a half later the baptism has still not begun. It seems the hold-up is related to a special guest, a visiting pastor who is running late. Habi begins to feel unwell and is fatigued. My mum has to leave, as it will take an hour to get home and she has to visit her sick aunt on the way home. My youngest brother has exams tomorrow and she also needs to help him revise. She had gone to church in the morning then left straight away to make the baptism (which she ended up missing) and even then only got home at 5 or 6 at night. I tell Habi we’ll wait 15 more minutes and if the baptism has not started we will leave. 25 minutes later we have no choice but to go. The Saudi family beg us to stay but I tell the father GK, firmly, that Habi has had enough! (And to be honest so have I.)
We get home where S. visibly relaxes. He tells me that the Arabic church (who was holding the baptism) was just the same as going to Mosque. In fact the whole experience reaffirms to him that Christianity and Islam are the same. I feel terrible. I give him an Arabic bible I procured.
I drive home feeling horrible and start crying as I walk in the door. I am at a loss – why is it that this wonderful opportunity has turned into a disaster? Instead of being a witness to Habi, it has driven him further away, if anything. This is the second time I have brought Habi to church and things have ‘gone wrong.’ Furthermore it seemed like God had deliberately organised things so that Habi would come to the baptism. I ask God what is it he wants me to do? I feel he is pressing me to do something, but what? I cry out to God to share His plans with me, to show me what to do. My mum has had the same feeling all day – she decided to attend the baptism, driving an hour there and back, to show her support for H. And then didn’t even get to see him baptised! On top of that her aunt was not able to take visitors and my brother had been panicking all day and not done any productive study. Despite this she tells me that sometimes when it seems everything has gone wrong, God is still working – and one person will get something out of it, even if we are unable to see it.
Tuesday 1st June – I go over in morning. When I arrive Habi is in bed and I notice the Arabic bible I gave him is beside him in bed. I have brought my English/Arabic Qu’ran. I’m not sure why, I just felt like bringing it. I point out verses which say it is halal (permissible) for men to have sex with those their right hand possesses (slaves). Habi is shocked – he studies the Arabic and is very quiet. We discuss having four wives. Habi has always felt this is wrong. I point out the fact that Muslim apologists often highlight: In the days of Islam many men had many wives and Islams allowance of four was a limitation rather than license to go out and take more. In this sense it was a good thing. However the Qu’ran itself admits that one wife is the perfect standard. Four wives is an admirable standard for that period and for imperfect human nature. However it is also a compromise between God’s perfect standard and men’s imperfection. We also discuss “eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.” Forgiveness is admirable in Islam – but not mandatory or even expected. In fact Islamic law is based on the assumption of ‘eye for an eye’. Again, this is not the standard of a perfect, holy God but the standard of imperfect, flawed men. And yet the Qu’ran is said to be God’s word.
We let the conversation drop and we both study for exams in separate rooms. I see him fetch the Quran from his bedroom later and say nothing. When I bring him juice in the study room I see he is watching a video on youtube entitled ‘Contradictions in the Qu’ran.’ He is also watching debates between Muslim and Christian scholars. Later he talks to me about ‘making a choice’ and rambles somewhat. He is clearly in conflict. He says ‘it hurts’ and talks about ‘the people’ being wrong. I realise he is beginning to consider the possibility that Islam might be wrong and the consequence is that all the people following Islam (including himself and everyone he has every known) are mistaken. I understand this internal conflict and anguish – I too went through the same thing. My heart goes out to him. I know at this stage he wants to do his own private study and doesn’t want attention. He doesn’t want to be either discouraged or encouraged – he just wants space to be objective without influence. I felt the same when I was in his position so on the most part we don’t talk about it.
Wednesday 2nd June- We study together again. Like yesterday he watches videos and debates, but this time in front of me, and more openly. We discuss what we watch and various religious issues. He is coming out of his shell a little and talking to me more openly. He is still rambling a little – saying phrases and thoughts that are racing through his head. Luckily as I know him so well and I had a similar experience I can follow what he is thinking. He talks about two ‘options’ (Christianity and Islam). He says one is ‘lazy’ but the other option ‘you don’tanything to deserve it, but it seems right.’ He is talking about law being a cop-out, replacing a real relationship with God and Christ’s salvation being so undeserved, respectively.
Thursday 3rd June– He looks distant and I ask him what he is thinking. I am flabbergasted when he says he is wondering what he would change his (surname) to if he became Christian. I don’t show the excitement and shock that is charging through me. I play it cool as we discuss alternatives. Later that day I ask him if he is looking into religion and considering Christianity for me. He tells me firmly, that this is for him and for God. That God and the truth are more important than anything. I am satisfied. He has an exam the next day and Mum and I pray for him that night, that he will do well on his exams, but also that he will have an experience with God.
Friday 4th June – Habi has an exam in the morning. He feels confident but is not prepared for the next one, which is at midday. He rings me after the first and tells me he is trying to cram for the second (in a couple of hours) and it just isn’t working. That evening (after exams) he messages me and says he is having a beer with the boys. I feel uncomfortable with him drinking as I worry it may distract him o interfere with his search for God. I still don’t know how his second exam went, he hasn’t mentioned it. Later that night he tells me that just before the second exam he prayed in Jesus’ name. I am shocked. He says not only did he do well, he knew answers he didn’t even remember studying. Most amazing, he felt God’s presence in a way he never had and this presence was with him all day. He is amazed that even when he drank alcohol this feeling never left.
I am reminded once more, how much cleverer than us God is and how we humans are such know-it-alls. Here I am thinking, ‘I wish he wouldn’t drink - what if this takes him further than God.’ Instead God used it to teach him something. Habi felt ashamed about drinking – in Islam it renders the person unclean and they are unable to pray for 40 days after drinking. Yet drinking alcohol (or being drunk in Christian doctrine) is just one of many sins – why does this particular sin render us unclean, while others do not? Jesus taught that it is not what enters the body that makes one unclean, but what comes out of the heart. Lies, deceit, greed, avarice, anger, gossip – all the sins we commit on a daily basis, all render us unclean before God.
Habi is a real paradox – one of the most ‘moral’ people I know in his sense of justice and treatment of people but a ‘bad’ Muslim in the sense of Muslim observance. And yet his failure to live up Islam was a constant source of shame to him. Feeling so shamed and lowly he would then shy from God because he felt so unworthy. It is a vicious circle. God used this opportunity to show him that a personal relationship (through Jesus’ sacrifice) with God bridges our sinfulness and uncleanness. God never leaves us nor are we barred from His presence.
I ask Habi if, as a Muslim, he felt guilty, ashamed or worried when he prayed in Jesus’ name. For a Muslim this is blasphemy and very very very serious. Every day of Habi’s life had taught him this was wrong. Yet he simply tells me, ‘It felt right. It felt natural.’
Saturday 5th June– He does to his friend M’s house (from the gulf) at night with his friends K and T. They are all Muslims. Another friend innocently asks him how his religious studies are going (unaware he is questioning Islam) and tells him he will ‘find the right path insha’allah.’ This is odd, as habi has taken great pains to ensure no one knows he is questioning Islam. This comment, made in passing, arouses the curiosity of M. M and Habi have a private conversation for some time, and Habi ends up admitting he thinks Islam may be flawed. This is a big and somewhat dangerous admission. M sits back and tells him, “Good Morning.” Habi is confused and asks what he means. M smiles and tells him, ‘Welcome to the truth. I have known for years that Islam is not true.” M shows him the same problems in Islam that GK and the Saudis had discussed with him and even further examples. M knows a lot about Islam and has been studying religion for years. For almost ten years, through his own independent study he has concluded that Islam is not right. He believes in God but is still searching. Habi is amazed that one of his closest friends has been going through the same thing he has. As they sit talking, Habi’s very good friend T sits with them and demands they include him in the conversation. They do and ANOTHER SHOCK he admits he is also disillusioned and secretly disbelieving. He tells them he once tried to tell his parents back home about his doubts and their angry reaction and demands that he never raise the subject again had led him to believe he could never tell anyone. Habi and T go to his house to continue the conversation and K joins them. K identifies as Muslim but openly admits he isn’t one. He is not religious at all and says he hates religion and says he believes there is a God/Power upstairs and that is it. So when he walks in on the obviously serious conversation, Habi shrugs him off and tells him he wouldn’t be interested, assuming K will simply make jokes and disparage religion. Surprisingly K demands he be allowed to stay and says he is always interested to learn about God. So here they stay until 5 or 6 am – three Muslim boys, lost and desperately seeking the truth. Habi earnestly tells T to read the bible.
Sunday 6th June – Saturday’s events are relayed to me on Sunday after church and I am flabbergasted. When I start crying Habi is confused, until I explain they are tears of joy and compassion for these darling boys who are struggling to find God and peace. T had been in tears the night before when he spoke to Habi. It blows my mind that three such close friends (discounting K) were all secretly coming to the same conclusion and feelings, each feeling totally alone, unaware that their brothers were in the same boat. Habi tells me that he feels Satan, God and himself are locked in a struggle in his chest– and while he feels conflicted, he knows that soon it will be only God and himself. He tells me that love is the most important thing and that everyone looks different when you love them. He was also telling this to the boys last night. I am awestruck by the wisdom and sincerity of his words and the way in which he is leading the other boys.
Mum and I pray for them all and their individual needs and particularly for T, who is a dear friend, and more anxious and fearful than the others. I pray that T will have the courage and understanding to accept the truth that deep down, he is not a Muslim, even if he only admits it to himself.
Ten minutes later I ring Habi and T is with him. T asks to speak with me and questions me on various things and then tells me ‘Islam is bad. It’s not right.’ What an answer to prayer.
T also asks how it feels to know/hear/feel God. How do we know when God is telling us something/interacting with us. Habi quietly says afterward that only someone who has never felt this would ask. Habi has also been telling T that Christianity is good, although he is still a Muslim. That night Habi tells me that the first chapter of Matthew is amazing – the detailed chronological family tree of Jesus is far superior to the lists of prophets in the Quran. He is amazed that the Quran, which is supposed to be superior and complete, has gaping holes and far less detail and information than the bible.
Once again I am humbled by God’s wisdom. When I first gave the Arabic bible to Habi I first thought where I should advise him to start.... Some Christians advise Luke is the perfect starting point for someone with no knowledge of the Bible, some ex-muslims advised that John perfectly highlighted and explained Jesus’ key precepts. And while I considered consulting people on this I decided I would simply tell him to start at the beginning of the New Testament. By Sunday he had read the first page three times – once alone, once with T and again by himself. I was a little concerned that this dry, boring start would put him off. After all, a long list of names hardly showed what the Bible and Jesus were all about. And yet this long-winded, stuffy chapter had illustrated the Bible’s historical accuracy, information and status as the Word of God.
That night as I barely allow myself to consider the possibility of Habi becoming a Christian (I have been acting entirely nonchalant and playing it cool) and catch a glimpse of the happiness that could be ours, I become a little disappointed: If Habi becomes Christian I will never know whether or not I had the power to ‘break up’ with him had God asked me to. Ever curious I want to know; Like Abraham would I have been able to put God first?
The God gently told me, ‘You have already passed this test.’ I passed it every time I cried in prayer because I was scared I would put Habi first. I passed it every time I prayed for God’s will to be done, not mine. I passed it every time I thought, ‘It will be alright, it is ok for us to marry’ or ‘I feel God has sanctioned this’ and then heard the quiet ‘No, wait’ in my head and obeyed. I passed it the day Habi told me there were no barriers for him anymore and he wanted to marry me. ‘Yes’ was on the tip of my tongue, but still I just couldn’t. Like someone desperate to sign a loan contract but who knows the interest rate in the fine print is too high – I just couldn’t bring myself to sign on the dotted line. And I felt my Father tell me, after months of impatience, desperation and thought: ‘With you I am well pleased, you have passed.’
The next day Habi told me he was no longer Muslim.
Rest to follow.. ‘ Part 2: Walking Across the Field’
Monday, June 21, 2010
Anonymity: Followers/regulars Please Read!!
After my own concerns and a very thoughtful email from another blogger I have made some changes to my blog - you will see my profile is changed somewhat and I have deleted any references to my name and town. This includes comments, so please don't feel offended if you see I have deleted your comments.
For those of you who know my name, city and other details - please don't publish these. Don't even acknowledge if you are aware of these details as I wouldn't want you to draw undue scrutiny.
The reason for all this are my recent posts on converts, including my husband-to-be (S.) who left Islam and became Christian. He is from the (arabian) gulf. In his country it is illegal to leave Islam (apostasy.) Close friends would most likely be able to identify me from my blog but we do not plan to hide his faith from our friends/family. At the end of the day it will eventually get out (he is telling his family in the next week or so) - unless we completely live a lie and hide hos faith our whole lives then the people we know will be aware of it. It one of those people decides to inform the government then there is not much we can do. It is a reality of the gulf, and almost all apostates/converts seek asylum in the West. In some cases they later return and live in the gulf nation on a western passport.
Gulf passports can only be held by Muslims and citizenship will be withdrawn if authorities discover that the person has left Islam.
We dont think anyone of his family/friends from his home nation will turn him in but we can't be sure. And these things have a habit of spreading fast.
For now we are biding our time -but at the end of the day if someone is determined to discover my identity (and his) from this blog and deliberately inform authorities, well, it merely a process of speeding up the inevitable!
I would like to add, for the benefit of such readers:
This blog is NOT designed as a tool of evangelism/da3wa/conversion. It is my account of my own personal feelings and opinions. I have a high regard and respect for Islam and Christianity and their followers. This blog is not designed to criticise or denegrate Islam, Christianity or ANY religion or ANY nation. It is merely a forum for discussion.
For those of you who know my name, city and other details - please don't publish these. Don't even acknowledge if you are aware of these details as I wouldn't want you to draw undue scrutiny.
The reason for all this are my recent posts on converts, including my husband-to-be (S.) who left Islam and became Christian. He is from the (arabian) gulf. In his country it is illegal to leave Islam (apostasy.) Close friends would most likely be able to identify me from my blog but we do not plan to hide his faith from our friends/family. At the end of the day it will eventually get out (he is telling his family in the next week or so) - unless we completely live a lie and hide hos faith our whole lives then the people we know will be aware of it. It one of those people decides to inform the government then there is not much we can do. It is a reality of the gulf, and almost all apostates/converts seek asylum in the West. In some cases they later return and live in the gulf nation on a western passport.
Gulf passports can only be held by Muslims and citizenship will be withdrawn if authorities discover that the person has left Islam.
We dont think anyone of his family/friends from his home nation will turn him in but we can't be sure. And these things have a habit of spreading fast.
For now we are biding our time -but at the end of the day if someone is determined to discover my identity (and his) from this blog and deliberately inform authorities, well, it merely a process of speeding up the inevitable!
I would like to add, for the benefit of such readers:
This blog is NOT designed as a tool of evangelism/da3wa/conversion. It is my account of my own personal feelings and opinions. I have a high regard and respect for Islam and Christianity and their followers. This blog is not designed to criticise or denegrate Islam, Christianity or ANY religion or ANY nation. It is merely a forum for discussion.
Monday, June 7, 2010
This week = THE MOST AMAZING WEEK IN MY LIFE. GOD has blown my little white socks off.
I am still going to post the rest of my series on head coverings... everything is somewhat interrupted right now because this week has been the craziest ever!! EVER IN MY LIFE!! (And i've had some crazy weeks!)
On a quick side note i've had to "suspend' my headcovering series because my laptop charger had a meltdown (literally) so I can't access my pics/blog posts I had already started. Right before exams too (and in the middle of a research paper but Thank God I had that on USB).
Ok I'm meant to be getting some writing done on my paper as I speak.. but i'm having a little 'break.' It's 8.30 in the morning.. I deserve one :)
I reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaly wish I could give you all the details, and as soon as I have a spare hour or so I will (coz I wanna do this justice)
Abridged version:
In the space of one week, from last Sunday to Sunday just two days ago, I have seen God shift and move people's life like never before.
The man I love, S., has left Islam.
Last week he was a Muslim. Now he is not. ... He is now searching for the right path, but he has never stopped believing that there is God.
Without even explaining the amazing events connected to this decision, this is compounded by the fact that in the same week he found out that not 1, not 2, but THREE of his Muslim friends are in the same boat!
I'm going to leave it there, because I don't want to spoil the story!
Last but far from least, it begs a mention that my darling S. is from the Gulf... as are two of the other friends mentioned above. He is feeling very calm now but he knows how dangerous this is. One of his saudi friends (T.) is terrified. Although T. comes from a relatively liberal saudi family he tried before to confide in his parents about his religious convictions and they reacted with extreme anger and hostility and made it clear he was never to raise questions like that again. He is terrified the close knit saudi-community here will find out.
S. went through several days of pain and struggle and intense conflict, but has emerged determined to follow God and find the truth at all costs. The only regret he has is that, one day, he will have to tell his parents, whom he is very close to, and he knows it will devastate them.
H. another saudi who became Christian just two weeks ago (I blogged about him here) is proof of this. Within less than a couple of day of converting the Saudi govnt sent him an airplane ticket and demanded he return hom, at the same type cancelling his scholarship and visa. Had he gone he would have been arrested straight away. Instead he went that day to apply for asylum so the Australian government won't send him back.
Despite this I am overjoyed. I am so proud of these boys. (They are aged 20 to mid-20s)
And not because they left Islam. Not because they may or may not become Christians. I am proud of them for putting truth and God above EVERYTHING else in their lives. For deciding to search for more, rather than sticking to the status quo or accepting something they don't believe in.
It is heartwrenching and beautiful to see these boys, and mostly my love, spending hours earnestly discusssing God, reading books of all kinds, watching videos and going into the depths of theology, leaving no stone unturned - and all in the faith that God will lead them, that they will find the Truth.
It inspires me. It fills me with wonder. It makes me remember how awesome God is, and how infinately thankful I am that He gives us this innate ability to know, percieve and love Him.
And I remember His promise to mankind
On a quick side note i've had to "suspend' my headcovering series because my laptop charger had a meltdown (literally) so I can't access my pics/blog posts I had already started. Right before exams too (and in the middle of a research paper but Thank God I had that on USB).
Ok I'm meant to be getting some writing done on my paper as I speak.. but i'm having a little 'break.' It's 8.30 in the morning.. I deserve one :)
I reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaly wish I could give you all the details, and as soon as I have a spare hour or so I will (coz I wanna do this justice)
Abridged version:
In the space of one week, from last Sunday to Sunday just two days ago, I have seen God shift and move people's life like never before.
The man I love, S., has left Islam.
Last week he was a Muslim. Now he is not. ... He is now searching for the right path, but he has never stopped believing that there is God.
Without even explaining the amazing events connected to this decision, this is compounded by the fact that in the same week he found out that not 1, not 2, but THREE of his Muslim friends are in the same boat!
I'm going to leave it there, because I don't want to spoil the story!
Last but far from least, it begs a mention that my darling S. is from the Gulf... as are two of the other friends mentioned above. He is feeling very calm now but he knows how dangerous this is. One of his saudi friends (T.) is terrified. Although T. comes from a relatively liberal saudi family he tried before to confide in his parents about his religious convictions and they reacted with extreme anger and hostility and made it clear he was never to raise questions like that again. He is terrified the close knit saudi-community here will find out.
S. went through several days of pain and struggle and intense conflict, but has emerged determined to follow God and find the truth at all costs. The only regret he has is that, one day, he will have to tell his parents, whom he is very close to, and he knows it will devastate them.
H. another saudi who became Christian just two weeks ago (I blogged about him here) is proof of this. Within less than a couple of day of converting the Saudi govnt sent him an airplane ticket and demanded he return hom, at the same type cancelling his scholarship and visa. Had he gone he would have been arrested straight away. Instead he went that day to apply for asylum so the Australian government won't send him back.
Despite this I am overjoyed. I am so proud of these boys. (They are aged 20 to mid-20s)
And not because they left Islam. Not because they may or may not become Christians. I am proud of them for putting truth and God above EVERYTHING else in their lives. For deciding to search for more, rather than sticking to the status quo or accepting something they don't believe in.
It is heartwrenching and beautiful to see these boys, and mostly my love, spending hours earnestly discusssing God, reading books of all kinds, watching videos and going into the depths of theology, leaving no stone unturned - and all in the faith that God will lead them, that they will find the Truth.
It inspires me. It fills me with wonder. It makes me remember how awesome God is, and how infinately thankful I am that He gives us this innate ability to know, percieve and love Him.
And I remember His promise to mankind
"Then you shall know the Truth. And the Truth shall set you free."
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