This week = THE MOST AMAZING WEEK IN MY LIFE. GOD has blown my little white socks off.

I am still going to post the rest of my series on head coverings... everything is somewhat interrupted right now because this week has been the craziest ever!! EVER IN MY LIFE!! (And i've had some crazy weeks!)

On a quick side note i've had to "suspend' my headcovering series because my laptop charger had a meltdown (literally) so I can't access my pics/blog posts I had already started. Right before exams too (and in the middle of a research paper but Thank God I had that on USB).

Ok I'm meant to be getting some writing done on my paper as I speak.. but i'm having a little 'break.' It's 8.30 in the morning.. I deserve one :)

I reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaly wish I could give you all the details, and as soon as I have a spare hour or so I will (coz I wanna do this justice)

Abridged version:
In the space of one week, from last Sunday to Sunday just two days ago, I have seen God shift and move people's life like never before.
The man I love, S., has left Islam.
Last week he was a Muslim. Now he is not. ... He is now searching for the right path, but he has never stopped believing that there is God.
Without even explaining the amazing events connected to this decision, this is compounded by the fact that in the same week he found out that not 1, not 2, but THREE of his Muslim friends are in the same boat!
I'm going to leave it there, because I don't want to spoil the story!
Last but far from least, it begs a mention that my darling S. is from the Gulf... as are two of the other friends mentioned above. He is feeling very calm now but he knows how dangerous this is. One of his saudi friends (T.) is terrified. Although T. comes from a relatively liberal saudi family he tried before to confide in his parents about his religious convictions and they reacted with extreme anger and hostility and made it clear he was never to raise questions like that again. He is terrified the close knit saudi-community here will find out.

S. went through several days of pain and struggle and intense conflict, but has emerged determined to follow God and find the truth at all costs. The only regret he has is that, one day, he will have to tell his parents, whom he is very close to, and he knows it will devastate them.

H. another saudi who became Christian just two weeks ago (I blogged about him here) is proof of this. Within less than a couple of day of converting the Saudi govnt sent him an airplane ticket and demanded he return hom, at the same type cancelling his scholarship and visa. Had he gone he would have been arrested straight away. Instead he went that day to apply for asylum so the Australian government won't send him back.

Despite this I am overjoyed. I am so proud of these boys. (They are aged 20 to mid-20s)
And not because they left Islam. Not because they may or may not become Christians. I am proud of them for putting truth and God above EVERYTHING else in their lives. For deciding to search for more, rather than sticking to the status quo or accepting something they don't believe in.
It is heartwrenching and beautiful to see these boys, and mostly my love, spending hours earnestly discusssing God, reading books of all kinds, watching videos and going into the depths of theology, leaving no stone unturned - and all in the faith that God will lead them, that they will find the Truth.
It inspires me. It fills me with wonder. It makes me remember how awesome God is, and how infinately thankful I am that He gives us this innate ability to know, percieve and love Him.
And I remember His promise to mankind

"Then you shall know the Truth. And the Truth shall set you free."

My blessed week: the Muslim and the Jew

I'm Hap-hap happy! and here's why...

Part 1: the Jew
An old friend of mums, whose daughter went to school with my younger brother, dropped by today. I went to a new gymn this morning and she was there so I told her to swing by and say hi to mum, but as it turn out Mum was just leaving when I got home.
This lady, N. is not a close friend, but someone we see every couple of years.
Last August she dropped by when my father passed away and we started chatting about religion.
I should mention that N is jewish and her father is a holocaust survivor. Her aunty wrote a book about being a child in Bergen-Belsen a german cncentration camp and ironically one that my grandfather accompanied the army to liberate.
Anyway N. was saying how her studies of the Old Testament prophecies of the Messiah and Jesus were interesting. She said how the rabi and people at synagogue dislike discussing certain verses and their dismissive explanations did not satisfy her. She is able to read Hebrew, so she can study scripture in the original language. She believed they confirmed Jesus was the Messsiah, died on the cross and was resurrected.
At that point she had never heard the term 'messianic jew' and I explained that it referred to Jews who believe Jesus is the messiah, rather than calling them christians, it allowed them to retain their jewish identity.
As usual she dropped out of contact until I saw her today! When she called in only an hour ago, although Mama wasn't home, she stopped by for little while, and announced that she had been baptised and is now a messianic Jew!!
Praise God!!

Part 2: the Muslim
I originally just wanted to share my excitement over N, but then I realised a second part to this would be H! Just over a week ago my saudi friend, 'George' rang me to say that another saudi (a student) had become Christian!
George, his wife and 3 children are saudi arabian and Christian! George converted whilst in Saudi Arabia and fled after being persecuted. His wife decided to accompany him, in the hope she could lead him back to Islam, but ended up accepting Christ herself.
They and H. are coming for dinner on Saturday, so my family and I will get to hear his story, and the next day we are going to his baptism.


So in just over a week I have seen a (saudi) muslim and a jew come to Christ! It is amazing how God works! Hallelujah!

Secondly, please please pray for both of them:

H - Will be sure to encounter opposition from friends and family, especially when he returns to Saudi. It will be very dangerous. He is also having visa problems, please pray he is able to continue studies here, the saudi government may also try and prevent this.Pray for continued spiritual growth and faith in the face of persecution.

N- To continue to grow in faith and understanding, to have a strong, personal relationship with God. She has not yet told any of her family, and doesn't know how to tell them, especially those who are holocaust survivors, such as her aunty. They are likely to view it as a betrayal to the jewish people and to family members who died in the Holocaust. Pray for guidance.

Walk On

Walk on

I need to refresh,
Step back, take a breath.
Return to my roots
my spiritual origins, God’s truths.

Take a moment in prayer; cast my fears behind me
give up all of my worries to the Lord Almighty
Ask God to help me
because I’m tired of fighting

Close my eyes and trust I can see,
to find my way to a path I once saw so clearly.
Cast my burden down;
this heavy pack,
a weight I’ve carried around

Raise up my head
And look life in the eye
because I haven’t quit
and I’m not ready to die

Feign assurance, although I’m not ready
Walk as if I’m sure, until my footsteps grow steady
Step by step until I become strong
because I refuse to fall...

and so I walk on.

A Love Letter

Happy Easter beloved,
May God bless and guide you all!

This is just a poem I wrote some time ago;

A Love Letter

That flutter of panic,
as anxiety races to fear,
clutching at straws;
Something is missing
Something that should be here

A feeling so strong
it’s compelling
Recognition:
that feeling I feel

is longing

More than missing
Gone further than away
who are You? where are You?
An ache that takes hold
Now that i’ve noticed it won’t go away

A fervour, a fever,
call it obsession
that clamours at my soul.
Whatever consumes me, it’s taken possession
and I no longer feel whole

But how do I find you?
I pick up my phone to call
in vain: I don’t know your number
your face, your name
And yet, how does a stranger enthrall?

I need you, I love you;
Those age-old words.
Yesterday they sounded trite
I can’t breathe without you, I’ll die without you;
Today they simply sound right

More than love, more than I miss you
without You I am missing.
No longer one, not half, not even one part
blended together (two became one)
my Alpha, my Omega; my heart

A distant song
a sound that caused my soul to sigh;
hauntingly familiar,
tauntingly close,
An echo from the beginning of time.

Unaware I was incomplete,
the confusion of missing,
without knowing what was gone.

Now that I know you
I am bound tighter than at birth.
There is no return
to life without You,
the gravity holding me to earth.

When He just won’t let us go...

This happened just this week. After a day of hard work and getting (lots!) of study done I went home from university late, checking my diary for tomorrow’s plans before bed. A couple of weeks earlier the International Office at university emailed me, asking me to help out at their stall promoting international exchange (having had studied in Germany.)They asked for volunteers and said if anyone was available to send details of their availability and they would reply with more details. I had written in my diary and had a vague idea it was coming up.

The next morning I woke up in that mood which can only be described as expectation. It was one of those days where everything is possible; the air crackles with the excitement of possibility! I felt so focused. This was it I was going to study like never before, get some chores done and have such a fruitful day! The only problem was that I had no classes and the only thing I had to do was go to uni to help out with the International office stall. Now my uni is 1 ¼ hrs away from homes, so up to 3 hours travel there and back. And even helping out for a couple of hours or so was going to take up a sizeable chunk of my day. As I got ready did a few small things, I realised that they office had never emailed me back (as promised! I thought indignantly.) and I had just assumed the stall would be held on the Oak Lawn, a common place for advertising and holding stalls for clubs and societies. However it could be held in a lecture room or in any number of places.. The idea occurred to me that I could go to uni, only to wander around without knowing where the information day/stall was and end up going home! I tried ringing the office several times (no answer) and rechecked my email (no reply.) By this time I had already procrastinated for a while and the clock hand was edging toward midday. They also usually have enough people for these sort of things and there is a not lot of interest... a few leaflets to hand out, the odd question or two and that’s it; they wouldn’t miss me.
BUT...
That little voice nagged, somewhere in my head: Yes but you did SAY that you’d come down. You didn’t promise but what’s the difference between saying you’re going to do something and swearing to it. You always say you stick to your word. And as a Christian if you say you’re going to do something you have to do it! Arrgghhhhhhh! I raged back and forth in my head, (This is NOT FAIR God! Why are you making me do this? It’s not as if I want to slack off and go watch movies! I’m trying to study! I have so much work to do for uni! And I want to do chores around the house so Mum won’t to do anything when she gets home. I have GOOD intentions! )I made and unmade my mind 10 or 20 times! (That’s it I’m staying home, It’s already late it will take my whole day If I go and they don’t even need me!)
But as soon as I started trying to wiggle out of going I felt God’s grace leave me. My beautiful fresh day became stale.. and my peace of mind was replaced with turmoil and discontent. I knew my day would be ruined and I wouldn’t be able to study peacefully. Still swinging wildy between the devil on my shoulder, and the angel on the other I walked to the train station. As I waited on the platform (8 minutes until the train comes, I could be home in three, and stop wasting time!), work rang.
Now I hadn’t worked for two weeks and really needed the money, and they were offering me a shift that night! I felt as if God had just upped the stakes! However the timing was such that by the time I got home, I would have to get ready and leave for work. Scrap any ideas of getting study/housework done. The worst part is that work is close to uni, so by leaving uni to come home and then go to work I would be backtracking and wasting more time. (Now if I went home now, I could study get my chores done and go directly to work!) I told them I would take the shift. Now I had to decide to go to uni or stay home. As I sat, utterly conflcited and praying, an Indian guy sat next to me, “Are you Egyptian?” I turned around, “What?” “You look Egyptian, where are you from?” “Um no I’m Australia.” (I’m praying why does someone have to interrupt me now?! WHY do the weirdos and people who always want to talk hone in on me? WHY can’t they leave me in peace like everyone else.) “Are you going to study or to work?” “Study” (Doesn’t he get that I don’t want to talk?! Tap. Tap...What? Ahem.. Pamela what is the point of praying about doing the right thing if you’re going to be unchristian toward this man. Now now, stop being irritable and be nice. Yes, even if he is annoying! Oh ok, fine!) I chatted with the Indian guy for a couple minutes when the train came... Distracted I didn’t have time to think or make up my mind. I got on.
And that was it. It was too late to change my mind again. I rang work to say I wouldn’t do the shift.
As I got off in the city, where the line terminates, a scruffy looking bum was trying to hand the people in front of me something as they got off the train. They all shook their heads no, and I felt sorry for him so as I passed him I took the small pink speckled piece of paper from his hand and ambled off. I unfolded it to read the message, “Jesus Loves You. Read Psalm 23 & 91, Chpt 16 John”
Oh the irony! After I battled all morning with temptation and finally and somewhat grudgingly submitted to God’s will, He sweetly tells me “I love you!” Talk about heaping coals! It reminded me of my mother who when I am complaining or grumpy about something, hugs me around my middle (when she knows I’m grumpy and don’t want to be hugged) and says, “I Love you” with a grin on her face that just makes me laugh at myself and dispels the cloud over my head. What a marvellous sense of humour God has!

Lesson #1: The right choices are not always easy. Satan knows how to make the wrong choice seem appealing, and easy to justify. (It’s not as if I want to slack off and go watch movies! I’m trying to study! I have so much work to do for uni! And I want to do chores around the house so Mum won’t to do anything when she gets home. I have GOOD intentions!)It’s easy to fool ourselves into believing our excuses. But deep down God always lays His truth on our hearts.

Lesson #2: As Christians God holds us to a higher standard. (That little voice which says: You don’t have to go. But as a Christian you said you were going to do something... so you should do it.)

Lesson #3: Trials and conflict serve many purposes: They give Satan a chance to trick us, and to get us to do the wrong thing. They are a test, which gives us a chance to earn God’s blessings and make Him proud by showing Satan we are His children. They are an opportunity, which allows us to learn more about God and ourselves.

Lesson #4: God had a sense of humour, which comes from joy. Sometimes, when you least expect it, you find yourself laughing along with Him at a shared joke, just between the two of you. It is the best feeling in the world.

Those little voices... when God whispers to you in everyday life.

Sorry for my extreme laziness... and my poor excuse for a blog! In my defence I have so much reading/writing for uni and the Students for Palestine group I help run at uni, that writing/reading is more of a chore than a release these days...
Also I find (1) as a talkative person and (2) as someone who can’t do things by halves, that in order to get my thoughts out I have to write HUGE posts. So despite the following (LONG) blog I shall endeavour to keep future posts short and sweet! Actually I think I’ll post this as a couple of posts, because I find one long blog is always off putting.. it’s easier to read when its broken up.
So the next few anecdotes are little things that have given me pause for thought over the last few months...

(What)To wear or not to wear...

A quick question for all you full time head coverers/modest dressers? What do you do for swimming? Or at the beach? I used to wear bikinis.. And I find since I changed my wardrobe a bit, people really notice it if I show more skin than usual!
It’s funny I didn’t think my change in dress was that noticeable; I don’t wear long flowery dresses or anything that looks out of the ordinary!..in fact I hardly ever wear dresses, unless its a nice maxi-dress or I’m feeling a bohemian hippy chic! My rule of thumb is modest..but pretty, fashionable, loose but not a shapeless sack or something that makes me look two times bigger than I am!
However one day I went out in jeans with a normal-length top.. a little voice was telling me “should you really be wearing that?” in the back of my head.. but I ignored it.. I like snug jeans.. theres nothing more comfortable.. but these days if my pants are tight (pretty much just my jeans), I wear a long top, or tunic that reaches at least over my bottom, or a loose white shirt belted at the waist (loving this seasons boyfriend-style fashion!). I met up with my friend M., who has only known me since I came back to Australia, and as soon as he saw me he made a comment admiring how my outfit showed off my body. (The little voice shouted “I told you so!”).. Apart from feeling acutely self-conscious for the rest of the day (Not helped by his ostentastiously looking me up and down and whistling) I was amazed to realise that yes, people (even guys) had noticed how I dress! M. Said something like, “Normally you always wear loose and longer clothing.” However although he said my outfit was “sexy” and I "should show off my body more" he also said he liked how I normally dressed. He knows why I dress that way and half off his comments were designed simply to tease me and watch me squirm with self-consciousness! I told him he wasn’t gonna see me in tight jeans again without something covering my booty!

Lesson learned: sometimes God or your
conscience (same thing I guess!) will accuse you in the strangest ways!

Lesson #2: Never under estimate
what people notice about you... Remember as Christians we put ourselves in the
limelight. People are always watching, so be careful not to think you can get
away with it when no one’s looking! (And God always is anyway
J)

Just when you think He’s not looking..

One very normal day when I was sitting on the train, feeling very normal as the train pulled into a station, a man near the doors (I was in the middle of the carriage) called out to me “Hello Princess! Hello!”

• Now I had been in my own little world, I hadn’t seen this guy, or made eye contact. The train was full (although not crowded) and I wasn’t very close to the man. He was around mid to late twenties and had the look of someone who may be either homeless, a bum, not “all there” mentally or any combination of the three. As he called out I looked up (along with everyone else on the carriage) to see he was looking at me, and in fact talking to me. He was beaming at me, and they way he said it, “Hello. Princess,” as thought I was the most beautiful thing he had seen. I was a princess. At that moment I had the feeling that God was speaking to me through this simple, honest man. Out of the mouth of babes? God was looking at me, this normal girl on this normal day, going about her normal chores.. and told me, “Beloved you are beautiful. You are a princess.”
  What could I say? I smiled back and said, “hello,” and he got off the train. As the train pulled away he waved and smiled, seemingly full of delight at seeing me, and mouthing “Bye! Bye Princess!.” Needless to say the entire carriage was quite entertained by the whole scene! I was bemused.. and then felt extremely blessed and well... beautiful. It was the best compliment I have ever had. As thought God had reached down and touched me with His hand.
  Lesson #1: Not matter how ‘invisible’ we are
  God always sees us!
  Lesson #2 : No matter
  who we are in the world.. God uses us!