Sunday, July 11, 2010

Living in sin...

After a question posted on my blog I just thought I’d clarify something. Habi and I are NOT in a de facto relationship/living together/having sex.
I have been seeing him a lot especially the last few weeks because of everything we are going through. Normally I would see him every two/three days.
Also when I write about him I sometimes write stuff that has happened to him but that I was not there for. When I tell a story I narrate it as he has told me.
Often he stays at my house on Saturday night so our family can go to church together in the morning as he lives quite a while away from our neighbourhood. He sleeps in a separate bed and my family has no problem with it, nor our pastor. I also sleep at his house sometimes.
When I say ‘our car’ that is because we co-own it. About 4/5 months ago I wanted to get a car and S/Habi’s car was a write-off. He lives a few minutes from uni and it was just as easy to take the bus and whenever he travelled further away (to a friends house, to a gathering) etc it was with me more often than not. Also the main transport issue was with us as we lived far away. So he suggested to me that since he also needed a car on occiason but not enough to warrant buying one, that we buy a car together so that we would be able to afford a better car with our pooled resources. Including our car my household has 3 cars and both of his flatmates have cars.
Lastly I know it may seem weird, especially as many of my fellow bloggers are older and from other countries but here we have a large tight-knit group. We are always crashing on each others sofa’s visiting each other til late at night, having all-night study sessions etc. Many of us are international students and not all of us have cars. Religious gatherings (like iftar and suhur in Ramadan), birthdays, studying are all very communal. It is common to have a whole bunch of people in the house, some watching tv, others on their laptops, some cooking, someone sleeping in the bedroom and with people coming and going, either to go to uni to study (we have 24 hour labs), to pick up some fresh clothes or whatever. Some of these people are religious (christian, muslim, hindu etc) and some of the girls are hijabi – it really doesn’t matter. We accommodate accordingly.
It may seem odd to some people but really we are like one big family. I have slept at the same place as S many times – at one point 8 members of the group were renting one huge house so it was always full! And this didn’t change when we fell in love.

7 comments:

LK said...

I really don't think you should have to explain yourself like this. People can be so rude asking such personal questions.

However, you do have a lovely relationship it seems. I wish more men were willing to have this kind of relationship rather than "wanting the milk for free" as the saying goes.

caraboska said...

I admit that my antennae kind of perked up when I saw that business about owning a car together, but from what I know of misschatterbox's convictions, the next thought was 'Right, but they don't have to be living together to own a car. And even if they are under the same roof, that doesn't mean that they are sleeping together.'

I've actually been in situations where I had to deal with that kind of reaction from people to my arrangements with a gentleman friend. Funny how you can tell an unbeliever that there's nothing going on, they take it at face value, but the very religious often have trouble understanding. There is that verse 'To the pure all things are pure, but to the impure even that which is pure is impure.' And here I thought that being a believer was supposed to give people purer minds, not make them dirtier??? Hmmm...

misschatterbox said...

LK: This is the sign of a godly man. Because my habi was in love with me he wanted to honour and respect me. And because the end goal of our relationship is marriage he didn't want to taint that. Plus we both wanted God to bless our relationship and our relationship to rbing honour to him. It's so much more than just 'following a rule' against pre-marital sex as many non-religious people view it.
But rest assured there are many wonderful men out there!!

Caraboska: What an interesting and true point! Many agnostic/athesit friends often accept plutonic relatioships perfectly innocent, or accept the concept of abstinence while 'religious' people are suspicious. I wonder what the reference for that verse is? I mist look it up! Gob bless you for having a discerning mind and rather than making assumptions/judgements giving me the benefit of the doubt. :)

Susanne said...

Nice post! I didn't doubt you, but it was nice for you to write this for those out there wondering (as the anon poster did.) You're thoughtful that way! :)

I think your communal living thing sounds fun!

caraboska said...

Titus 1:15. The way I always explain premarital abstinence is that the meaning of sex is such that it would be just plain stupid to walk into it without a clear intention of not breaking up afterward - a clear intention of becoming one.

And for good measure I tell them that if you want evidence of that, ask anyone who has ever actually broken up after engaging in a sexual relationship. That if it isn't a huge problem, there is something wrong - namely that they were treating sex, their own and someone else's bodies as mere toys.

Susanne said...

How are you these days?

caraboska said...

Bit worried about you all. What's going on Down Under? May the Lord bless and keep you and all your brothers and sisters in the Lord.