Monday 7th June – On the phone I hesitantly ask Habi what he ‘is’ now? Is he still Muslim? He says he isn’t. I ask him how he feels and he said that the first couple of days when he really opened his mind to the possibility that islam was not the true path it was a struggle. But then as he resolved to truly investigate and began to believe it wasn’t true he felt more and more peaceful.
Tuesday 8th June – He reads the first few chapters of Genesis and he discuss Adam and Eve. Now that he is no longer Muslim and he has a connection with God he is looking for answers. I ask him if it possible that Christianity is the right path and he says it is possible, but he is still searching.
Wednesday 9th June– I find an audio Arabic bible online and send it to him. That night he falls asleep listening to the bible in Arabic. He is still not smoking and he no longer drinks.
Thursday 10th June – That morning Habi gets a letter from university saying he has failed a unit and they will be notifying immigration. The second exam on Friday, the one he prayed in Jesus’ name for, was for this unit. And he is bitterly disappointed – not only because of the ramifications of failing but also because in many ways that exam was a sort of test. He thought he had done well and had been waiting for the results as confirmation. Without God’s intervention there is no way he would have passed. Despite this he starts reading the Bible.. and reads .. and reads .. and reads. He reads the first 20 chapters of Matthew. After a couple hours reading I go to him and he looks at me with wonder. He tells me ‘It’s all true. Everything here is true – I keep trying to find mistakes or contradictions, but it’s all true.” He starts flicking through and showing me verses, “Look at this! It says this!” showing me verses which have shocked him.
I laugh when he shows me Matthew 5 where Jesus warns the people that ‘vain repetitions’ in prayer will not bring someone closer to God. I had read that verse to him myself several times. “But it’s different when you read it for yourself!” he says. He is struck down by the Jesus telling the people that many give lip service to God crying “Lord, Lord” but on the day of judgment God will tell them, “I do not know you.” It strikes a chord with his Muslim upbringing and the constant invocation of God’s name.
Even the teachings on divorce, adultery, and murder astound him. He is shocked when the Bible tells him looking at a woman with lust is committing adultery. Under Islam the first “look” is 'allowed' or given a free pass because the man cannot help his thoughts. It is only sinful should the man look a second time, to ogle the female in question. Yet the Bible says even the first glance is sinful. He is shocked when the Bible tells him anyone who divorces because of reasons other than harm (adultery, abuse etc) and then remarries is committing adultery. All these verses and more highlight God’s perfect standard – not a compromise, something humanly or easily achievable, but God’s holy perfect sinless standard. It also brings home to Habi his own sinfulness – if he was sinful under Islamic Law then how much more does the Gospel highlight his inadequacy. The sharia penalties for adultery may be harsh – but the Gospel says a man who lusts for another woman should pluck out his eye! He is pain and crying when he tells me he realises how sinful his life and indeed everyone’s life is.
I tell him God’s Word shows us how sinful we are, how imperfect and how unable to meet God’s standard. But He does not do this to torture us with guilt. I tell Habi, who is still crying, that by showing us the shamefulness of our sin, we repent of it. It also demonstrates that we can never achieve salvation by ourselves as we are so inadequate. A good deed does not erase a bad deed. Saving a man’s life does not atone for murder. And so we see the need for Jesus. The Word shows us that we need a saviour – and shows us despite this sinfulness is paid we have salvation through the atonement of Jesus. I tell him to pray to God and leave him alone.
Friday 11th June– Habi goes to uni to fill out some papers while I study at his house with his flatmates. An hour later he comes racing through the door shouting. Whilst at uni he decided to double check his results and he has passed all his units. The unit he had been told failed had a mark of 15% before the exam – so the uni had pre-emptively assumed he would fail and sent the letter he received the day before. But somehow that exam must have gone amazingly well because he passed the unit – with 50%. To get 50% he must have aced his exam – there is no doubt it is by God’s hand. Our own little miracle.
That evening he discusses religion with another gulf friend, B and he, B and T all watch videos of Zakaria Butrous a famous Coptic priest who lectures on Islam and Christianity. Habi tells T how amazing the Bible is, now that he has begun reading earnestly. He continues to read voraciously.
Saturday 12th June– I pick Habi up in the morning for “family weekend.” He decided he wants to spend the weekend with my family to get to know them more. They are already very fond of one another. As we talk about things on the way home he drops the “C word”: Christian. In the middle of something he refers to him becoming a Christian. I tell him, “Wait Stop! You just said the ‘C’ word... are you Christian now?” He just smiles and says he guesses so.
The most amazing thing is he said he knew this on Thursday night – when he read the Bible. At this stage the exam he prayed to do well in Jesus’ name and felt went really well is considered a failure. Yet despite God supposedly failing this test he still had faith – and then God confirmed this the next morning by showing Habi that He had not failed him. Again, God’s wisdom astounds.
Habi tells me he wants to witness to the boys (T, K, M and B.)
Habi says his mission is to bring a least one person to Christ and says he is determined to use his time left living with his flatmates as a witness. His confidence and authority amaze me – he is barely one day old in his new life. I ask him if he will get baptised and he says he will eventually. He says baptism will be the “beginning of the start.”
We arrive home and I jump around and tell mum and my two brothers that Habi is Christian. They all welcome him to the body of Christ. There is much hugging and crying and intense joy.
Sunday 13th June- Habi attends church with us, and meets our pastor Ben. He is lovely and he and Habi get on like a house on fire. That day Habi starts the Gospel of Mark. We sit a few feet apart both reading our bibles, occasionally stopping to discuss various things. It is the most amazing feeling – sitting with my fiancée and quietly reading God’s Word. Now I know why I could not have been unequally yoked. That night we both feel Satan attack us and we pray. (Him silently and myself aloud.) Habi says he will tell his parents when he goes back next (in January) and we discuss what to do if things go wrong. We consider it possible that his family will try to prevent him returning to Australia so organise to hide his passport and bankcards in a safe place. We are praying for his family and parents – we really have no idea how they will take it. It is also illegal for him to convert.
Monday 14th June – I am not feeling well, in fact I almost pass out driving to Habi’s house. I am irritable and struggling with Satan not to be bad-tempered. I know he is doing his best to tempt me. My mum is almost hit by a car which pulls out in front of her at a round-a-bout. That night Habi talks to his mum on the phone about Islam without telling her he has left Islam. He mentions the Bible’s command to ‘love your enemy’ which shocks his mum. She questions how anyone can do that. He tells me he has realised while reading the bible how much he loves God and how he loves God above all else and this actually increases his love for me. He also is convicted by prejudice he never knew he had. He says he realises he has certain prejudices against racial groups and Jews and now he loves them all. He is overwhelmed by love for all people.
Since then...
Every day has brought new insight and wonders. Habi and I have had our highs and lows. Habi has been making amazing progress through the Bible, soaking it up like a sponge. It soon became clear to him that he had to tell his parents, not only about us, but about his new faith. Originally he was going to go back next January but he became more and more restless. He didn’t want to lie to his family, or deceive them and he also wanted to tell them the truth. So Saturday 19th only a week after becoming a Christian he rang his father and told him he wanted to come home to talk to him. His father immediately said to come home and arranged a ticket for the following Friday. His father was worried and all Habi could do was assure him it was not about money, his health, nor was he unhappy in Australia.
For the next week we prayed and prayed for God to guide us. We have been so blessed to have a wonderful pastor at my church whom Habi loves, and many wonderful friends all praying for us. Despite the very great dangers we felt comforted and peaceful with Habi’s decision. It is illegal in his country to commit apostasy (leave Islam.) Nor did we know how his family would take it. We took precautions for him to leave his passport and bankcards with his best friend (who he told about his conversion) so that if his family banned him from going back to Australia he could quickly get out. We did all we could to protect him and then accepted the rest is in the hands of God.
The day of the flight, last Friday the 25th, after lunch we went to church to pray, which our pastor kindly opened for us. As we drew before the alter we both naturally fell into sujood position, or prostration. I had never seen Habi pray like that (since becoming Christian) and it’s interesting because I too, sometimes pray in this position. We both prayed, and wept, but not from fear. We were both crying out in supplication, in our own private prayer. In this moment I prayed for many things and I told God, “Let your be done. I submit to your will. If it is your will that he be imprisoned, or even killed, I accept it. This is the person I love most dearly in this world Lord, but I offer him up to you, for your service. I am willing to give his life up for you.”
And yet I did not feel fear, anger or worry – rather emotions which I can’t describe – something with the depth and soul-touching agony of grief, but love instead of sadness.
After we finished praying Habi asked me if I wanted to pray together. We sat together and for the first time, I heard him pray out loud with me. Until now I have heard him whisper and pray quietly and indistinctly in his own private prayer, but he was never able to pray aloud in group prayer. Rather I would pray (and others, if they were there) and he would say ‘Ameen’ at the end. As we sat there he led us quietly, but surely in prayer. My heart rejoiced. Only minutes before, one of the many things I had prayed was for God to lead him in paths of righteousness to grow into a godly man who would be the spiritual head of our family and who would lead me and our future family with authority. What a blessing he is. We left for the airport, singing hymns the whole way.
He hs now been in his country for four days... updates coming soon!! (Part 3, perhaps?)
Tuesday 8th June – He reads the first few chapters of Genesis and he discuss Adam and Eve. Now that he is no longer Muslim and he has a connection with God he is looking for answers. I ask him if it possible that Christianity is the right path and he says it is possible, but he is still searching.
Wednesday 9th June– I find an audio Arabic bible online and send it to him. That night he falls asleep listening to the bible in Arabic. He is still not smoking and he no longer drinks.
Thursday 10th June – That morning Habi gets a letter from university saying he has failed a unit and they will be notifying immigration. The second exam on Friday, the one he prayed in Jesus’ name for, was for this unit. And he is bitterly disappointed – not only because of the ramifications of failing but also because in many ways that exam was a sort of test. He thought he had done well and had been waiting for the results as confirmation. Without God’s intervention there is no way he would have passed. Despite this he starts reading the Bible.. and reads .. and reads .. and reads. He reads the first 20 chapters of Matthew. After a couple hours reading I go to him and he looks at me with wonder. He tells me ‘It’s all true. Everything here is true – I keep trying to find mistakes or contradictions, but it’s all true.” He starts flicking through and showing me verses, “Look at this! It says this!” showing me verses which have shocked him.
I laugh when he shows me Matthew 5 where Jesus warns the people that ‘vain repetitions’ in prayer will not bring someone closer to God. I had read that verse to him myself several times. “But it’s different when you read it for yourself!” he says. He is struck down by the Jesus telling the people that many give lip service to God crying “Lord, Lord” but on the day of judgment God will tell them, “I do not know you.” It strikes a chord with his Muslim upbringing and the constant invocation of God’s name.
Even the teachings on divorce, adultery, and murder astound him. He is shocked when the Bible tells him looking at a woman with lust is committing adultery. Under Islam the first “look” is 'allowed' or given a free pass because the man cannot help his thoughts. It is only sinful should the man look a second time, to ogle the female in question. Yet the Bible says even the first glance is sinful. He is shocked when the Bible tells him anyone who divorces because of reasons other than harm (adultery, abuse etc) and then remarries is committing adultery. All these verses and more highlight God’s perfect standard – not a compromise, something humanly or easily achievable, but God’s holy perfect sinless standard. It also brings home to Habi his own sinfulness – if he was sinful under Islamic Law then how much more does the Gospel highlight his inadequacy. The sharia penalties for adultery may be harsh – but the Gospel says a man who lusts for another woman should pluck out his eye! He is pain and crying when he tells me he realises how sinful his life and indeed everyone’s life is.
I tell him God’s Word shows us how sinful we are, how imperfect and how unable to meet God’s standard. But He does not do this to torture us with guilt. I tell Habi, who is still crying, that by showing us the shamefulness of our sin, we repent of it. It also demonstrates that we can never achieve salvation by ourselves as we are so inadequate. A good deed does not erase a bad deed. Saving a man’s life does not atone for murder. And so we see the need for Jesus. The Word shows us that we need a saviour – and shows us despite this sinfulness is paid we have salvation through the atonement of Jesus. I tell him to pray to God and leave him alone.
Friday 11th June– Habi goes to uni to fill out some papers while I study at his house with his flatmates. An hour later he comes racing through the door shouting. Whilst at uni he decided to double check his results and he has passed all his units. The unit he had been told failed had a mark of 15% before the exam – so the uni had pre-emptively assumed he would fail and sent the letter he received the day before. But somehow that exam must have gone amazingly well because he passed the unit – with 50%. To get 50% he must have aced his exam – there is no doubt it is by God’s hand. Our own little miracle.
That evening he discusses religion with another gulf friend, B and he, B and T all watch videos of Zakaria Butrous a famous Coptic priest who lectures on Islam and Christianity. Habi tells T how amazing the Bible is, now that he has begun reading earnestly. He continues to read voraciously.
Saturday 12th June– I pick Habi up in the morning for “family weekend.” He decided he wants to spend the weekend with my family to get to know them more. They are already very fond of one another. As we talk about things on the way home he drops the “C word”: Christian. In the middle of something he refers to him becoming a Christian. I tell him, “Wait Stop! You just said the ‘C’ word... are you Christian now?” He just smiles and says he guesses so.
The most amazing thing is he said he knew this on Thursday night – when he read the Bible. At this stage the exam he prayed to do well in Jesus’ name and felt went really well is considered a failure. Yet despite God supposedly failing this test he still had faith – and then God confirmed this the next morning by showing Habi that He had not failed him. Again, God’s wisdom astounds.
Habi tells me he wants to witness to the boys (T, K, M and B.)
Habi says his mission is to bring a least one person to Christ and says he is determined to use his time left living with his flatmates as a witness. His confidence and authority amaze me – he is barely one day old in his new life. I ask him if he will get baptised and he says he will eventually. He says baptism will be the “beginning of the start.”
We arrive home and I jump around and tell mum and my two brothers that Habi is Christian. They all welcome him to the body of Christ. There is much hugging and crying and intense joy.
Sunday 13th June- Habi attends church with us, and meets our pastor Ben. He is lovely and he and Habi get on like a house on fire. That day Habi starts the Gospel of Mark. We sit a few feet apart both reading our bibles, occasionally stopping to discuss various things. It is the most amazing feeling – sitting with my fiancée and quietly reading God’s Word. Now I know why I could not have been unequally yoked. That night we both feel Satan attack us and we pray. (Him silently and myself aloud.) Habi says he will tell his parents when he goes back next (in January) and we discuss what to do if things go wrong. We consider it possible that his family will try to prevent him returning to Australia so organise to hide his passport and bankcards in a safe place. We are praying for his family and parents – we really have no idea how they will take it. It is also illegal for him to convert.
Monday 14th June – I am not feeling well, in fact I almost pass out driving to Habi’s house. I am irritable and struggling with Satan not to be bad-tempered. I know he is doing his best to tempt me. My mum is almost hit by a car which pulls out in front of her at a round-a-bout. That night Habi talks to his mum on the phone about Islam without telling her he has left Islam. He mentions the Bible’s command to ‘love your enemy’ which shocks his mum. She questions how anyone can do that. He tells me he has realised while reading the bible how much he loves God and how he loves God above all else and this actually increases his love for me. He also is convicted by prejudice he never knew he had. He says he realises he has certain prejudices against racial groups and Jews and now he loves them all. He is overwhelmed by love for all people.
Since then...
Every day has brought new insight and wonders. Habi and I have had our highs and lows. Habi has been making amazing progress through the Bible, soaking it up like a sponge. It soon became clear to him that he had to tell his parents, not only about us, but about his new faith. Originally he was going to go back next January but he became more and more restless. He didn’t want to lie to his family, or deceive them and he also wanted to tell them the truth. So Saturday 19th only a week after becoming a Christian he rang his father and told him he wanted to come home to talk to him. His father immediately said to come home and arranged a ticket for the following Friday. His father was worried and all Habi could do was assure him it was not about money, his health, nor was he unhappy in Australia.
For the next week we prayed and prayed for God to guide us. We have been so blessed to have a wonderful pastor at my church whom Habi loves, and many wonderful friends all praying for us. Despite the very great dangers we felt comforted and peaceful with Habi’s decision. It is illegal in his country to commit apostasy (leave Islam.) Nor did we know how his family would take it. We took precautions for him to leave his passport and bankcards with his best friend (who he told about his conversion) so that if his family banned him from going back to Australia he could quickly get out. We did all we could to protect him and then accepted the rest is in the hands of God.
The day of the flight, last Friday the 25th, after lunch we went to church to pray, which our pastor kindly opened for us. As we drew before the alter we both naturally fell into sujood position, or prostration. I had never seen Habi pray like that (since becoming Christian) and it’s interesting because I too, sometimes pray in this position. We both prayed, and wept, but not from fear. We were both crying out in supplication, in our own private prayer. In this moment I prayed for many things and I told God, “Let your be done. I submit to your will. If it is your will that he be imprisoned, or even killed, I accept it. This is the person I love most dearly in this world Lord, but I offer him up to you, for your service. I am willing to give his life up for you.”
And yet I did not feel fear, anger or worry – rather emotions which I can’t describe – something with the depth and soul-touching agony of grief, but love instead of sadness.
After we finished praying Habi asked me if I wanted to pray together. We sat together and for the first time, I heard him pray out loud with me. Until now I have heard him whisper and pray quietly and indistinctly in his own private prayer, but he was never able to pray aloud in group prayer. Rather I would pray (and others, if they were there) and he would say ‘Ameen’ at the end. As we sat there he led us quietly, but surely in prayer. My heart rejoiced. Only minutes before, one of the many things I had prayed was for God to lead him in paths of righteousness to grow into a godly man who would be the spiritual head of our family and who would lead me and our future family with authority. What a blessing he is. We left for the airport, singing hymns the whole way.
He hs now been in his country for four days... updates coming soon!! (Part 3, perhaps?)
12 comments:
I pray for him that all will be well. How scary yet joyful.
thanks! Yup *nods* it's a bit of both :)
Really great to read this journal! I agree that the bad news is we are sinners, but God didn't leave us there. The good news is -- God is the Savior! :) How encouraging to see Habi get this message of the Bible from Matthew!
I am deeply disturbed that you are praying for Habi assuming some kind of one-way authority relationship between husband and wife. This is a matter in which there is no room for error in either direction, for on the one hand, if God has ordained any authority at all, He has also stated, 'For rebellion is like the sin of divination, and arrogance like the evil of idolatry.' (I Samuel 15:23). On the other, He has also ordered us not to set ourselves up as authority figures or allow others to do so (Mark 10:42-45; Matthew 23:8-12). On the contrary, He has ordered us to be subject to one another out of respect for Christ (Ephesians 5:21). So if we err in either direction, God says we are committing idolatry.
This is the 'Reader's Digest' version; I go into considerably more detail on this matter of the proper relationship between husband and wife, man and woman, on my blog. The point is that we are forbidden to attempt to occupy any place in another's life which God has reserved for Himself, and we are forbidden to allow another person to occupy that place. Once upon a time, I would no doubt have had the same image of how my marriage should work. But after studying Scripture extensively, I have concluded, quite bluntly, that I was wrong and that I myself was committing idolatry. And, may God forgive me, I even led others into this error in my time.
You see, it is one thing to view one's spouse as one's highest earthly authority. The oneness that God ordains between the spouses basically requires that. But it is quite another matter for there to be more to it than that. If we want our spouse to have some authority over us which we do not have over them, if we want more than for our spouse to be an equal partner who is able to edify us in the Lord - which is obviously a tall order for someone of either gender who has been a Christian barely for a week, when the other party to the relationship has been a Christian for many years, and such a blessing is certainly worth praying for - if we want more than that, for any other reason than that, then we are on very dangerous ground.
What I am saying is that there exists a view of this matter with very strong Scriptural backing which would view that as idolatry. The worst possible kind of sin. I feel obligated to warn you about this. As I said, you can find the details on my blog - it would take way too long to go into here in the thorough manner that something of this importance requires. The Scriptures are there - in the original language no less. Please have regard for them and pay very careful heed to what you are doing and praying for.
Cont'd What I am saying is that there exists a view of this matter with very strong Scriptural backing which would view that as idolatry. The worst possible kind of sin. I feel obligated to warn you about this. As I said, you can find the details on my blog - it would take way too long to go into here in the thorough manner that something of this importance requires. The Scriptures are there - in the original language no less. Please have regard for them and pay very careful heed to what you are doing and praying for.
Caraboska - Since I said rather alot in this post (as always!) let me clarify this is the part you are referring to:
"one of the many things I had prayed was for God to lead him in paths of righteousness to grow into a godly man who would be the spiritual head of our family and who would lead me and our future family with authority"
from this i'm assuming the particular part that oncerns you is: "who would be the spiritual head of our family and who would lead me and our future family with authority" (Please correct me if i'm wrong)
Perhaps I have misunderstood you but I really don't see anything wrong with that. So let us go through it slowly :)
Spiritual head: This refers to the man as head of the family - something which is supported by scripture. He is not only the 'head of the family' in wordly terms (although the traditional concept of a breadwinner is hardly valid anymore)he is also the 'spiritual head'.
"who would lead me and our future family with authority" : What I mean by this is tied to being head of the family. I view the head of the family as havign several responsibilities such as protection and leadership. What is leadership? Well it is leading by example, living a godly life and supporting a godly family. It is leading the family with humility and harmony. In many ways I see the husband/father figure as the head in the same way that the minister is the 'head' of the church. This does not mean that the head is responsible for the spiritual life of the family/church or elevated above them - as my minister always says "I am no better or more special than any of you."
I am puzzled that you view the concept of headship as a one-way authority relationship. Leadership/headship is not a dictatorship, nor is it a relationship between an inferior/superior being. I believe that the husband/minister is their to guide/lead but also learns and is guided by his family/congregation. For example I believe a godly man will make decisions for his family - but with careful consideration of the family and in consultation with his wife. They are partners after all. And this is precisely the point - a godly man would not WANT to 'rule the roost' or consider himself 'above' his wife. Nor would a godly woman agree to blind submission or assume her husbands authority was equal to superiority or that it was sufficient to live acording to him, without nurturing her own relationship with God and making judgements accordingly.
As to Habi being a 'baby christian' (as I call him!) this is precisely why at this point in time I am helping teach him and lead him in his journey to Christ. But although he is still a newbie I am still able to appreciate his headship as a man and help nurture that and guide him myself. In fact more than anything this highlights the importance of a godly man consulting the wisdom of a godly wife.
The man is not necessarily 'cleverer' or 'more godly' than the woman - just as there may be members of a congregation more educated in the bible, more wise etc than the minister. And the minister may well chose to consult him on issues/discuss ideas with him. I know my minister routinely meets with fellow christians to discuss his sermons etc.
Lastly let me tell you a little about me - in our family our mother was the head of the family. My father was a weak/nominal christian who abdicated any responsibility and deferred everythig to my mother. In the absence of leadership my mother had to step up. I am the eldest of the children and as my father was only physically present, after my mum everythign fell to me. My mum (and to a lesser extend I) raised and led my family - my brothers and my dad. It isn't the ideal situation and not the one chosen by God - but I do beleive it was the right thing given the circumstances. My mum always told us things would have been different had my father been different. But as a strong highly educated and inteliigent woman my mother would never have kowtowed to a man or deferred to him as superior/mouthpiece. It's interesting that in every example I know where the father is non-christian/non-practising the family life is affected and the children rarely follow the mothers example. Yet every family I know where the father is a strong christian man and ead his famiyl accordingly there is a much higher tendency for the children/wife to follow suite.
Funnily enough both of my brothers reject any concept of men's role as leader. They refuse to accept the biblical command to 'submit to your husband' as sexist and state men and women are the same. Men and women may be equal but they are not the same. Just as submission to God is not a bad thing, submission to godly man is not degrading or subservient. No that does not mean man is in the same position over woman as god is over us all - it means that submission to a kind, godly man who respects and honours his wife's mind, soul, opinion and relationship with God is not demeaning or wrong.
As for myself, due to the way I was raised and the role I played I am actually prone to try and lead. It is my natural reaction to reject any idea of Habi leading. I question everything, second-guess and doubt - I find it hard to let things fall on his shoulders as I try to take the yoke on all by myself. Trusting in my husbands leadership and allowing him to lead will be a lifelong struggle. But I know my habi, while still a 'baby', views our relationship as a partnership, respects and honours me and my relationship with God. There will be occiasons where we disagree, there will be occaisons where he is unsure and turns to me for guidance and that is ok.
Biblical submission and the headship of the man does not oppress women or elevate men. The true biblical concept honours the man and the woman, allows them both to contribute to the family and be led by God and does not compromise their own walk with God, but strengthens it.
The relevant Scriptures for what I am going to say are discussed on my blog, in the original language no less, and can be found by pressing either the word 'marriage' in my tag cloud or the 'hijab' link in my link list. In a nutshell:
1. There is no authority relationship between Adam and Eve before the Fall.
When Paul speaks of woman being taken from man, he then proceeds to state that man now is born of woman, and all things come from God.
And when he writes to Timothy, that whole business about 'the childbearing' makes it so strange that the only reasonable explanation for that whole passage is that Paul was referring to Gnostic teachings that Eve was created first, that she brought some kind of 'secret knowledge' to humanity, and that childbearing is too 'unspiritual' and 'earthly' so that women should avoid it as it could hamper their spiritual progress towards 'salvation'.
And he was writing that the Bible teaches the opposite: that Eve was not created first, that she brought not salvation but sin to humanity, and that yes, women can be saved even if they have children, provided of course that they are living the life of faith.
It is understandable that in that kind of circumstances, Paul would view it as problematic to have women teaching. Remember, he says, 'I do not permit...'
There is also the verb 'authenteo', usually translated as 'to have authority over'. The fact of the matter is that this word appears only once in the entire New Testament and very rarely even in other texts from that time. No one *really* even knows what it means, in and of itself.
So we must deduce what Paul means from reading the rest of Scripture. We cannot make a doctrine from this one verse that no one is even clear about the meaning of. The only ones who claim that it is clear have a vested interest in their particular interpretation.
2. God expects exactly the same things from both parties.
As I have explained, there was no difference in expectation before the Fall. The only mention of dominion on the part of humanity applies equally to both Adam and Eve.
If anything, the word used to describe Eve's relationship to Adam would in principle imply her superiority, in that it is used to describe God's relationship to us (not the other way around).
It is, however, modified by a derivative of the word 'neged', which implies with being with and being opposed to. It is a relationship of equality, in other words - neither looking up to or down at the other.
There is not even a verb in Ephesians 5:22 - it is grammatically a continuation of verse 21, which states that God expects all Christians to be subject to all Christians out of respect for Christ.
Christ Himself also states that all Christians are expected to love each other as Christ loved them - i.e. laying down their lives for each other.
If there are verses about, say, elders managing (proistemi - which can mean at most 'to lead', but does not even have to connote authority) their households (and 'oikos' means not only the house itself, but the people in it), there are other verses addressed to all women about how they are supposed to - here using the even stronger word oikodespoteo - *rule over* their households.
If men are spoken to about providing for their households, women are also provided with instruction about how they are to... provide for their household. Even financially. See Proverbs 31.
Nothing that I know of is specifically said in the Bible about men 'protecting' their wives. But I will tell you one thing: the vast majority of violent crimes against women are perpetrated by those who are 'supposed to' protect them. There is no point in denying this reality. I myself know entirely too much about it from experience.
My parents did at least refrain from brainwashing me that I needed or should expect protection from a man. I never heard anyone at home telling me that I could expect anything but success if I ever needed to fight with a man for my own protection.
And I have always won. I have sent a man about 10 kg bigger than I flying through the air - from a supine position, without using my hands. In a floor-length gown, no less. Without even the slightest damage to the gown :) I have successfully fought off a mugger - in a skirt and heels, no less. The only damage was a skinned knee and a hole in my stockings. I have thrown a man out of a bar for giving me unwanted attention. I have nearly killed with my bare hands an assailant who outweighed me by 30 kg.
The fact of the matter is that I have spent my life being the one who does the protecting - for myself and others - not the other way around. I've innumerable times escorted people who needed to be outdoors late at night. Indeed, I once had a boyfriend who was about my height (185 cm), but weighed about 100 kg. And he knew judo. Despite the fact that at that time I weighed no more than 70 kg, he admitted to feeling safer having me by his side in those nighttime situations.
Aside from that, I have prevented a wifebeater from breaking in to gain access to his wife when she finally had enough and locked him out. Another time, I heard suspicious noises next door, so I showed up and asked stern questions. Years later my neighbor still remembered, with tear in her eyes told me how safe she'd felt at that moment, knowing that she had someone next door who would actually do something about it if she were in trouble, and told me to never stop doing that.
Of course, I realize that my size gives me certain luxuries. But first of all, I was not always so big, so that I have had the opportunity to find out from experience that more important than size or strength is what one does with that. One's mentality. One's complete focus on getting the job done.
My conclusion from all this is, first of all, that the loving thing to do for girls or women is not ultimately to 'protect' them, but to give them the tools to protect themselves.
But the fact remains that I can also speak to the other side of the equation. Being quite as large as I am is a huge responsibility. One that goes far beyond merely being at other people's disposal to protect them. The fact of the matter is that there is no excuse for anything but 100% control over one's temper in such circumstances.
And here, I have a problem. When I was younger and smaller, I trained myself to be very quick on the draw in order to survive in the circumstances in which I found myself. And now it is coming back to haunt me. If I am ever to marry, I will have to have a very serious conversation with my prospective hubby. Regardless of his size. Indeed, should he be very large, it will be even more important, because I will be that much quicker on the draw.
Indeed, I have already had part of that conversation with M. It was forced on me because a very unfortunate situation occurred where I lost my temper and ended up hitting someone. And M was there and saw it all. I realized I owed it to him to explain what this did and did not mean. All the more so that I am quite a bit larger than he is.
And so I began: I wish I could guarantee that every moment you spend with me, you will be able to feel perfectly safe. Unfortunately, as you just saw the other day, I cannot do that. The most I can do is tell you in what circumstances I am likely to lose it, how I am likely to be thinking at that time, and what you can do to ensure your own safety.
Right now, there are no concrete plans for the future, and it is very unlikely he would need the details unless we were to actually get hitched and live together. But he is satisfied knowing that if the time comes when the details are necessary, I'm willing and able to tell him what he needs to know.
OK, this has not been the nutshell I had thought it would be. My point thus far has been to show that there is no Scriptural or practical reason that leadership, provision or protection need to be in male hands, any more than female hands.
If anything, God explicitly expects the same from both parties, and indeed tells us that a husband and wife each have authority over the other's body. The same authority. And the context (I Corinthians 7) is that this is a larger principle, of which one small application is that each is required to be available to the other for 'bedtime activities' basically on demand.
Putting this together with the definition of marriage (Genesis 2:24, cited in various places in the New Testament) - which in the Old Testament is worded as something the man does to the woman (man is active), but in the New Testament is worded as something God does to both of them (God is active, both man and woman are passive) - and I come up with the conclusion that each one is to view their spouse as their highest earthly authority, taking the place their parents once held.
The expectations are so much alike that there is no room for hierarchy. So that taking what God expects of all Christians and using it to interpret those passages which appear to speak of some kind of differences, I come out with the conclusion that they have to be based on some sort of temporal considerations, for example:
a secular legal system which gives men the power of life and death (!) over their wives and children
the need to avoid the appearance of sexual immorality, taking into account cultural norms
the need to avoid the appearance of deviant religious practices (e.g. Gnosticism).
And what I have said about hierarchy is all the more true since Jesus himself tells us that hierarchy is not a concept that is permitted to exist among those who belong to Him.
And here we come to my second point, and it is in some way similar to the one I had. Evidently, you grew up in a control-based environment. Your mom was in control. And unfortunately, the only alternative that seems to occur to you is for the man to be in control.
I would suggest that this will not solve the ultimate problem. We are not supposed to be in control-based relationships *at all*. The flip side of that mutual authority thing is mutual submission.
I would say that wives are indeed supposed to obey their husbands in all things lawful. And husbands are supposed to obey their wives in all things lawful. The reason for this is the oneness that God brings.
Now, instead of men wooing women to show them that they will be in good hands, both parties have to woo each other. And because of that oneness, once they are married, the assumption has to be that God will lead the two in the same way if the matter concerns both of them, so that if there is some disagreement, the problem is a lot more serious than 'who should listen to whom'.
That's the point: God is the Head. God is the Master. We have to honor God.
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