Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Part 3: The Present - Habi in his homeland

I coudln't wait to post the rest. So here is an update since Habi went to his homeland on Friday.

Habi arrived early morning on Saturday the 26th. That day he told them he loves me and wants to marry me and said he had doubts about Islam. He is easing them into it.
Sunday morning he got up early, packed his Arabic bible and Book of Psalms (music) into his little backpack and searched for a church! He found one close by and met the wonderful minister, an American called Joe (not his real name).Habi said Joe is a wonderful man and listened patiently while he told Joe everything that had happened the last few weeks. When Joe spoke to him was if all the pictures in habi’s head came together. Habi decided then that we wants to get baptized. He went home feeling refreshed and continued to discuss things with his family.
At this point I had only spoken to habi briefly on Sunday afternoon and exchanged a few messages. It is expensive to talk long and more importantly Habi has enough on his plate so I am doing my best to give his some space and wait patiently. But boy is it hard!! Now the first couple of days had gone quite well... but Habi was still adjusting and taking it easy.

Yesterday night (my birthday incidently) Habi rang to tell me his unusual day. He had told them he is no longer Muslim. (His sister already knows he is Christian) Their reaction was to take him to a psychiatrist. *blinks* Yes you heard me, they took him to a PSYCHIATRIST. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry when he told me. Furthermore the psychiatrist was also a religious woman, wearing niqab. Yes a religious scholar, niqabi psychiatrist. Does it get any weirder?
She was actually quite nice according to habi-hub. After verifying that he ISN’T NUTS.. or suffering depression or mental confusion (all of which he clearly isn’t for goodness sake) she asked him, well if you aren’t Muslim then what are you? And he told her: I am Christian.
His sister, who was there was finally convinced. I warned him not to tell anyone else, it was dangerous enough telling someone he doesn't know.
Today I rang Habi and he was clearly a bit upset. I asked what was wrong and he said (amid bad reception too) that “it hurt.” Several seconds of blind panic ensued as I asked him if he meant physically or mentally. He said mentally. It is now getting harder and his father is not taking things well. He said they are trying to dismiss his conversion as merely wanting to be Christian because I am. This is obviously not the case. He would never change religion for me. Both of us firmly believe that God comes above ALL things including loved ones. Secondly the change in him since he came to Christ is evident – as is his conviction. Having failed to blame it on mental problems his family is now putting it down to romantic feelings. This hurts us both. I love his family too. Habi has always looked up to his father, as a Muslim and as a man. Sadly since he now sees the flaws in Islam he is also able to see the flaws in his father. “They keep contradicting themselves, “ he whispered, “and they care so much about what other people will think. What about God?”
Last nite, frustrated as his father’s pain and anger he said resignedly, “OK dad, I’ll be a Muslim, I’m a Muslim ok?” It hurt him even more to see his father brighten and become so happy. “He knows by know my heart doesn’t believe it,” he said, “So how can he accept that knowing I don’t mean it?”
While he feels pain as his family’s blindness he is still joyful with God’s spirirt. If the Lord wasn’t supporting him I don’t know how he could get through this. It is hard on both of us, but in some schizophrenic way, we are both joyfully happy. We know this is hard – but it is necessary. I told Habi this is the hardest part – telling his family, and it will get easier from now. God is number one – he comes before all else, even our family, and in following Him we never go wrong.
So this is the most up-to-date info.. I will ring Habi in a few hours and keep you update over the days.
He is due to leave on Saturday but they want him to stay longer. However not only does he have uni, he realises that they will only continue to bring imams to talk to him and try and bring him back to Islam. It is not only futile, it prolongs his family accepting his conversion and is dangerous for him by informing more people (and religious leaders at that) that he is no longer Muslim. He was right to agree to speak to an imam and a counsellor – he did this for his family because he owed them that and so they would feel he was informed and had Islamic guidance. But he is putting his foot down now. At the end of the day when Muslims meet him in the future they will try to bring him back to his old faith. It is natural and Christians would do the same. But there comes a point where the individual must say, “Enough. I have spoken to people, I have investigated thoroughly and educated myself. But I have made this decision and I am not going to change.”

7 comments:

Nikki said...

"He said they are trying to dismiss his conversion as merely wanting to be Christian because I am. This is obviously not the case. He would never change religion for me. Both of us firmly believe that God comes above ALL things including loved ones."

Although I converted TO Islam...the parallels between his Muslim family and my Christian one are quite obvious. They tried to pin the blame on my husband, while my husband never once asked me to convert for him, on the contrary, he was very concerned about my true intentions when I told him I was investigating Islam because I found things that I found irreconcilable in Christianity. Just as you were adamant about Habi not changing for you, but for God, my husband was the same way.

I tried to make it clear to my father that I was putting God first, not my husband, and to go against what I believe in my heart to be right just to please family, would then be putting family before God.

My dad also tried to get me to talk with religious leaders to get my "questions" answered. I told him I had already investigated and found the answers to my questions (and I had, for months). He told me I was reading "the wrong books." He told me I should have never opened the Qur'an, I should only read books written by Christians, etc.

I'm still trying to explain that that is truly "blind faith." In that you believe it only because you know nothing else. You do not permit yourself to look outside of the box, because you're afraid of what you will find. I've said many times, I was happy with Christianity when it was all that I knew. In my mind there was Christianity, Judaism, atheism/agnosticism, and a smattering of pagan religions. When I found a monotheistic religion that fit the understanding I already had of God, I was flabbergasted. And after serious investigation felt the need to convert.

I do find it disconcerting that Habi's search brought an "alternate ending" than mine. I'm very happy for him, and for you, of course! And I believe everyone has the right to choose their own religion, it being "against the law" is sooo WRONG. But I've read conversion stories both ways, and I still can't seem to make heads or tails of how when searching for the same thing, we ultimately come to different conclusions.

One of life's many mysteries, I guess. I pray every day for God to keep my on the straight path. If that turns out to not be the path I'm currently on, I truly want to know so that I can change once again to please Him.

May we all be blessed with God's great and infinite mercy.

misschatterbox said...

Nikki - I couldn't agree more! My mum always raised me to believe blind faith is NOT what God wants of us. My habi is quite unusual in that he never believed it was enough to simply be born a Muslim - he believed he should be a Muslim because he chose to be one.

I think it is also very insulting to act as if you or Habi are not able to make decisions for yourself! As if any decision is automatically due to 'brainwashing' or spouse's influence (or in habi's case mental probkems!!) It denies your freddom of choice and thought as a rational, indepedent individual and is patronising in the extreme!
At the end of the day I think time is the proof - have your family come to accept that you are Muslim?

re conversion stories, hahahha I had the same experience two years ago when I was investigating Islam. Which is wh I believe you cannot jusify or doubt your faith based on someone converting to or leaving a religion!

May God bless you and yours -and give us patience and love when dealing with family members like this!

Susanne said...

Thanks for sharing this! I enjoyed Nikki's comment as well especially this part:

"I pray every day for God to keep my on the straight path. If that turns out to not be the path I'm currently on, I truly want to know so that I can change once again to please Him."

I think this is the main thing. Follow God. Not religion or people. And don't be afraid to change if God asks you to do so. Easier said than done. :)

I'll keep Habi in my prayers.

Anonymous said...

Sadly you will see ,when your young man matures, he will blame you and turn back to Islam, take my word for it.
You are very naive to think that it is not for you that he claims being a Christian.

misschatterbox said...

Anon - you are perfectly entitled to your view. Habi and I are aware this is how many people will view it and in the end only time will tell.

I dont think 'maturity' has anything to do with it. He is not that young after all and has been through a lot in his life. Religious conviction and the strength of one's faith and relationship with God is not measured by age.

I'm not naiv about possible motivations - in fact I talk to him about it. But I think the following points are important:

1) He did not have to convert - after all Muslims are allowed to marry christians
2) He was adamant (as was I) they we would never change our religion for each other. God comes first.
3) My Habi is very honest - and how could he leaves something if he felt it was true? And risk his salvation?
4) Being a Christian is not easy. He has been attacked, shouted out, hit,- he will probably not be able to go back to his homeland and will loose most of his friends and family.Why do that when it wasn't even necessary? He has spent hours crying over his family, knowing how much this hurts them.
5)I know he is not 'faking it' there is no 'claims' - it would be obvious to me if it were not true.
6)He did not become a christian as such. He left Islam, based on doubts he had had for years and then after that decided Christianity was the truth. He hasn't even 'officially' converted. he didn't tell me a lot of what was happening and was very independent.

Lastly to be honest I think you have to consider your motivations here. As a muslim it's natural you want to believe he didn't really convert and will 'come back' - this denial is commonplace among Muslims as most of them don't know any converts. Like I mentioned in my blog I have some Muslim friends who believe there are NO converts. However this is just burying your head in the sand. I accept that their are christians who become Muslims.. and guess what? That is a 2-way street!
A saudi friend who recently converted actually believed in Christianity when he was 15 - and then when everyone said the same thing as you "too immature" he just became secretly agnostic. Over 10 years later he is now a christian.

Even if habi did become Muslim again - he would not blame me. This was his choice - in fact I was gobsmacked when he started this journey. Noone forced, coerced or persuaded him. And if he lied and denied a religion he actually believe in then to be honest he would hardly have the moral high ground would he? Not to mention he would not the person I love. Habi's moral integrity is one of the things that I have always loved about him. We have been completely plutonic friends for years - so it's not like we met and then he pretended his views were something else to impress me.

caraboska said...

This is in some way an excerpt from a post I am now doing on my blog. I will not be linking here from there, but anyone who reads this is welcome to view the 'full version' on my blog.

Oddly, I only just know realized that it was not Nikki's hubby, but Nikki's dad who was telling her she should read Christian books only. For some reason, I thought her hubby was in that way discouraging her from considering Islam (being concerned about her motives).

Anyway, turns out I misunderstood, and I would like to comment. I used to travel in such circles myself - ones that viewed any non-Christian book about religion, much less any non-Biblical book regarded as holy in another religion, as suspect to say the least.

And I found out quite by accident that this is the wrong way to go. I used to attend an Internet cafe in order to carry out my business, as I did not have the possibility of an Internet hookup at home. And back in those days, the computers were very slow. Things could take quite a while to load. And what was I going to do while I was waiting?

Well, I happened upon something called GeoCities, and it had pages about various topics. Maybe one of my correspondents had an account with them. At any rate, being interested in religion, I took a look at their religion pages. Whatever seemed interesting.

And they had pages about, among other religions, Islam. A lot of them. And so I ended up spending an awful lot of time reading about Islam. I already had a Qur'an from college. I guess I bought one because a friend was Muslim and since he was reading the Bible and talking about it with me, I figured we could do the same with the Qur'an.

And then some time later, I was approached with a request to translate a Christian book about various religions from English into Polish. I took a look at it - especially those portions which dealt with Islam and other religions I am familiar with - and soon realized that it was inaccurate. Not wanting to perpetuate its fallacies, I refused the job... So yes, now I definitely believe that if you really want to know what a religion teaches, you need to read its books for yourself.

caraboska said...

Is Habi back from his trip yet? Getting a little worried... Praying for safety.